damned if i do, damned if i don't

I never wanted to give you a chance. I never wanted to be anything more with you than friends. You were persistent and pulled me in. Having my friends and people convince me to give you a chance. My weakness for falling for guys that make me laugh was used against me yet again. I let you in, in hopes of a new you. Caution was thrown out the window when you told me it was only me and always will be. 

  So, I fell for you. Slowly I let you in and let you see me and how I was guarded. My judgement on you was clouded by the lies I was fed. Patience was never a virtue when it came to you getting what you want. I was caught up and pulled in, my own little love story. I thought if I let you have me you would want me forever. You finally had me because I finally fell for you with no boundaries. That’s when you decided you didn’t want me anymore. 

 The texts came less frequently and it came to a point where making plans with you always ended up with an excuse of you not following through. Doubt, and second guessing myself filled my thoughts. You wouldn’t hurt me though. You promised me you wouldn’t multiple times. You wanted me, you always said you did. Me and only me. Nobody else. 

 When I found out you had sex with another girl it felt as if my heart was in my stomach. It was a misunderstanding. He wouldn’t do that to me he told me he would never hurt me. He made me believe I was the only one. 

  When I found out you had sex with another girl an hour after you left me it felt as if my throat were on fire. I was the only one for you. That’s what you tricked me to believe. I was enough for you, there wouldn’t have to be anyone else. I was more than enough. 

  When I found out you had sex with another girl and then denied it when I confronted you it felt as if my head would never stop pounding. You would never lie to me right? There was no need. You had me. I was all yours I wanted no one else. 

  So when I confronted you about having sex with another girl and I ended things and you never fought for me and you ended it with an, “okay whatever c ya.” I knew I wasn’t enough. I knew I was a fool to believe your lies. I was not the one for you because you needed things I wasn’t able to give up. You blamed it on me not giving you what you wanted. 

   It was my fault I could never be enough for you. 

 You lost the one thing you ever felt something for. You lost the person that stood up for you and defended you against the rumors. The rumors that proved to be true. I was humiliated and stripped down to the core. 

  You promised you would never lie to me, cheat on me, or hurt me in any way. You did all of this in one night. 

You did this In one hour after you left me. 

You did this in the hours spent with me. 

 I never wanted to let you in because I was afraid it would end in heartbreak because you were you. And I was me, and some people weren’t meant to mix. But you were so damn persistent. And you were so damn funny. Now I am the one that’s damned.