chapter 4

BEEP BEEP BEEP. The sound of an alarm wakes me up from my dreamlike state. I throw the starched stiff covers off of me and step out of my bed. I looked down and realized I was still in my clothes from two nights ago. 

I stood there for a while, not knowing what to do, until Will came in with scrubs on his arm. I winced at the sight.

“I know, I know, they look uncomfortable but this is the standard outfit. You’ll stand out less. You’ll definitely need to wear this tomorrow since that is when your surgeries will begin.”

I absorbed all of this information without speaking. I was getting more nervous by the second. 

“So, uh, what are the consequences and impacts of this, um, procedure?”

“Well,” he said. “You  might have some mood swings and we’ll put you on some antidepressant meds after this is over.”

Oh… I thought. Is this a good idea? What was my dad thinking?

“And you’re sure this is safe?” I asked.

“There is one big thing we’ve failed to mention…”

“What?” I looked at him straight in the eyes. “Will, what?”

“Once you complete the procedure, you lose the ability to love.”

What the heck did that even mean? How do you “lose the ability”?

I gave him a complete look of confusion and anger. “Wait are you serious? I have a freaking boyfriend Will, do I just break up with him when I get home? Do I have to do this?” 

“You can’t really back out now,” he said. “And it’s not that big of a deal- most of the scientists here got the week long procedure and decided to work here since they didn’t want to deal with the consequences at home.

“Not that they’re bad consequences,” he corrected himself. “But generally you don’t get married; some just focus on athletics for the rest of their life since that’s the point of the surgery and medicine.”

Now there was only question I had kept asking myself over and over. If my dad had gotten this so called “procedure”, had his vows with his wife meant nothing to him?

“What about my dad,” I demanded. “Is his marriage a lie?

Will said quietly, “No, Layla it’s not.” He turned toward the window and continued. “You can still have feelings for people- it’s just platonic. Your body stops releasing enough dopamine and testosterone so you basically stop ‘desiring’ people, to put it bluntly. He cares for your mom, he just doesn’t love her like he did when they got married.

“And chances are, if you didn’t know about his secret job. she doesn’t either.”

I sighed and sat on the bed. This was becoming too overwhelming for me. 

“Layla, c’mon, the first day is important. Put on these clothes and we can go.”

He plopped himself down next to me and put his arm around me in a comforting way. He didn’t seem awkward about it like I would’ve been and I found myself starting to be jealous of his nonchalance.

It reminded me of how sweet Eric was to me. 

He started meeting me on the steps after school occasionally. I don’t know why he did it- why he would want to read with a dork like me- but I wasn’t complaining. He was cute and intelligent and liked to read, just my type. At first we read our books in silence, not really interacting other than our secret meetings.

Then one day after the final school bell had rung, I heard my name being called from a distance. I whipped my head around and there was Eric. He was waving his copy of The Princess Bride in his hand. 

“I saw you finish Atlas Shrugged last week, can I borrow it? I brought my book so we can exchange.”

“Sure,” I said. I gave him a stern look, “Don’t lose it Eric that’s my prized possession.”

“Okay okay, I got it, don’t lose it,” he gave me a goofy grin. See you tomorrow L.”

Surprisingly, I hadn’t read The Princess Bride yet, but I was excited to read something that was important to Eric. 

I skipped all homework I needed to do that night, sat on the couch, and indulged myself into the world of Princess Buttercup and Westley. It was unlike the classics I had read before but I loved it. 

I came into school the next day and got in trouble twice for reading in class. 

As I was sitting at my usual spot on the concrete steps, book in hand, bowl of popcorn on my lap, Eric sauntered in and flopped down next to me. 

I pointed to the book and simply said, “Wow.”

“Dude I know right? But I actually think your book takes the cake for my favorite story now. I somehow got through 200 pages yesterday.”

He grabbed a handful of popcorn and cracked open my well used book. 

I looked around me and noticed the sunset, the clouds, and the beautiful weather. These were the days I would remember forever. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder, surprised at my boldness to do something like that. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer. 

“Layla, let’s go! It doesn't take that long to put on scrubs.”

I jolted from the memories that I had worked so hard to suppress. 

“Well,” I said impatiently. “Turn around or something so I can change.”

He gave me a goofy grin and spun toward the door so he couldn’t see me. 

“They should have bathrooms in here,” I muttered. 

The scrubs were an awful shade of green and felt like thin paper. 

“Okay, I’m done. You can look now.” Will immediately turned back around and grabbed my arm. 

“We’re gonna be late, c’mon,” Will said and dragged me out of my room. 

His strides were longer than mine and I had to jog to match his fast walking pace. 

Will looked behind and told me, “Today is just a med day, you won’t have any surgeries. It’ll be a small dosage of steroids to see how your body reacts. We’ll be doing something similar tomorrow, but it’ll be a muscle enhancing surgery plus you’ll receive some more chemicals the rest of the week.”

We reached the end of the hallway and stopped at a set of double doors. Will pushed them open and it was like a whole new world behind them. 

Author's Note

I'm trying my best to explain the procedure in a scientifically accurate way (it's not actually a real thing but some concepts are)
what do you think so far?