Cut

I'd started this one a year ago. I've been so busy that it just got lost under a stack of work. Perhaps one day I'll have the chance to go back.

 

  "Hey, where'd you go?"

  Charlie looked up from his Coke when he heard Thomas behind him. He wasn't sure why he hadn't just gone home. Well he already knew why he hadn't gone home, but he didn't know why he hadn't just left and gone... somewhere.

  "Needed a drink," Charlie answered simply.

  Thomas took a seat beside him.

  "Maya and I are going to Tristan's place after the show. It's not a party or anything, just us really."

  Charlie was prepared to say 'no' before Thomas mentioned Tristan's name. He didn't care about that guy. That annoying guy who skipped school and played in a band and smiled too much. Why would he want to go to a party at his house? He didn't even want to be here.

  "Tristan wanted me to ask you."

  Charlie looked up at Thomas. Tristan wanted him to go? Charlie frowned. Why would Tristan want him to go?

  Charlie felt himself nod before he could make up an excuse not to. He couldn't think of one just then.

 

  Thomas drove Maya (he heard Thomas calling her) and Charlie to Tristan's home.

  It was about twenty minutes from the club, just out of town, Thomas had told Charlie.

  He sat quietly in the back seat while Maya and Thomas talked about college applications.

  Maya still hadn't heard back from her first-pick school, Boston University. Thomas hoped that she would agree to take a year off and go traveling with him to Spain. She wanted to get school out of the way and travel when she was finished. Thomas was worried about a long distance relationship.

  Charlie had to remind himself not to roll his eyes.

  He looked out the window. It looked like they were in the middle of nowhere. They were going up a steep incline. Nothing but dark trees and mountains to see. It had started raining while they were still inside. By the time they'd gotten into the car, it was pouring. It was a little early in the season for so much rain. Perfect sleeping weather. He'd love to be in the bed right now. Instead he was on his way to some stranger's house for a party that he didn't even actually want to go to. Why had he even agreed to come? Though, Charlie supposed, it was a good thing he had. If he'd have gone to the park he'd have ended up caught in the rain.

  "We're here," Thomas interrupted his thought.

  Charlie finally saw Tristan's house. The only house, it looked like, for miles. It was a modern, three-level square home. A Kerala design. The garage was on the first level. Then two levels of nothing but windows. Aside from two lights on either side of the garage door, it was completely dark. Was this some kind of prank? It looked like no one was around. Maya and Thomas seemed serious enough.

  "They are so slow," Maya complained. "How are we the first ones here and they left before we did?"

  Charlie wanted to ask who all was coming. If there was actually supposed to be a party. If Thomas would turn around and take him back home.

  "There they are," Thomas pointed, indicating a pair of headlights coming up the narrow street.

  A rusted old van came ambling up the driveway, followed by a small black sports car.

  Charlie watched Tristan climb out of the sports car. Of course.

  "Hey guys," Tristan smiled brightly. "Thanks for coming."

  Tristan wasn't looking at Maya. Or Thomas. Or the three climbing out of the van. He was looking at Charlie.

  "Come on up."

  The outside was big, but the inside was huge. Unlike a typical Kerala design, the floor plan was completely open. Paula would have loved to see it. She'd never leave the kitchen. It was a loft-style. The kitchen and living room took up most of the space. A piano was in the middle of the room positioned next to two large antique doors. The sound of yipping was coming from the other side of the doors.

  "Make yourself comfortable." Tristan was still directing his attention towards Charlie. Not the others. He disappeared into the other room.

  Charlie felt awkward just standing there while everyone else moved around the room like they lived there. Thomas and Maya introduced the band members. Maya's brother, Anthony; they looked just alike. Same face. Same curly hair and honey-colored eyes. Danni, the girl with the blue hair. And Patrick; he wasn't sure what he looked like. Long black hair covered the majority of his face. Thomas and Maya went directly to the living room and turned on music. Patrick went to the kitchen and started to pick through the refrigerator. Anthony was sitting at the bar, Danni sitting on the counter in front of him. Patrick handed them both a drink without taking his head out of the refrigerator. Charlie was still standing by the door.

  Tristan came back a few minutes later carrying a wriggling black dog. It was about as big as Tristan's torso was side, but he didn't hold it like it was heavy.

   "Hades!" Danni hopped off the counter and skipped over to Tristan. She really didn't look like the type to skip in her ripped baggy jeans and combat boots.

  "Little baby," Danni cooed. "Did you miss your daddy?"

  She was scratching the top of the puppy's head while it wagged and licked and yipped. Tristan was cradling it the way Paula held Richard. He was smiling the same way as Paula too. Did he ever not smile?

  Tristan looked up at Charlie.

  "Want to pet him?" He stepped away from Danni.

  "His name's Hades."

  Charlie had never much cared for dogs. He'd never actually thought about it, though. He'd never had a pet or really wanted one. Still, he found himself allowing his hand to be licked by the thing. It was cute. Fluffy. All black with brown eyes. Eyes like Tristan's actually. Big and round and bright.

  When Charlie looked up again he realized that everyone was looking at him. Or rather at him and Tristan. And Tristan was looking at him. Smiling.

  They stood there for a moment. Charlie felt awkward. Why was Tristan looking at him that way? Why was he always smiling like he had some big secret he couldn't wait to share?

  "Did you like the show?"

  "It was alright."

  Tristan looked stunned.

  "Alright?"

  Charlie nodded.

  Tristan seemed to consider this. 

  He smiled again.

  They ordered five pan pizzas from Pizza Hut: one mushroom, one cheese, one Meat Lover's, and two Pepperoni Lover's. Charlie was amazed the restaurant was willing to deliver pizzas so far out in the middle of nowhere.

  Tristan took one of the boxes and devoured the entire thing by himself. Mushroom. They sat around and talked and drank Cokes. Charlie listened to their conversations without adding much other than to answer questions. Tristan didn't seem to have much to add either. Between feeding Hades small pieces of crust and gobbling down half slices of pizza with each bite, he didn't say much of anything. Charlie tried to not pay Tristan much attention. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tristan looking at him. Whenever Tristan caught him he'd smile.

  They sat in a circle on the living room floor. There was plenty of space for everyone, but Charlie found himself sitting slightly outside of the group. This all seemed a bit too intimate; he felt like he was intruding.

  "You moved here junior year right?" Tristan interrupted whatever Danni was saying to ask Charlie.

  Charlie nodded. How would he know something like that? He'd only moved here this year. Right?

  As if Tristan had read his mind, he answered Charlie's question.

  "I didn't go to school much my junior year."

  "You haven't gone much this year." Charlie retorted under his breath; he'd responded before even realizing he'd spoken.

  Patrick and Anthony both laughed out loud.

  Tristan smiled and nodded.

  "We're gonna get out of here." Maya stood abruptly, pulling Thomas up with her. They'd been quiet as well during the evening. They sat close beside one another, practically in each other's laps, holding hands. Even while they were eating. Anthony didn't seem to be paying his sister much attention, but Charlie didn't think he'd be comfortable watching his sister, if he’d had one, so close to another guy.

  Charlie stood as well.

  "Why don't you guys stay?" Danni pulled a small, oddly shaped, pipe from one of her pockets. It was glass painted blue with white swirls. A round bowl at one end, a long pointed handle at the other.

  "We've actually got plans tonight." Maya answered for Thomas. He'd looked like he was planning on sitting back down.

  "Uh, Charlie. Guess we should go."

  "I'll take him home," Tristan spoke up.

  No one said anything for a moment.

  Charlie looked down at Tristan. Tristan was still petting Hades; he looked at Charlie.

  "It's fine. I don't mind." Tristan smiled.

  "Well, we're going." Maya threw a hand up as she pulled Thomas to the front door.

  "Thanks Tristan," Thomas said over his shoulder.

  Charlie took a seat again on the floor in the circle where Thomas and Maya had been.

  "Tommy is too good for her." Danni was mashing dried green leaves into the rounded end. When she was finished she didn't light it, but handed it to Tristan. Anthony was nodding in agreement.

  Tristan put his mouth over the pointed end and inhaled deeply through his mouth before passing it to Anthony. Anthony handed it to Patrick.

  When Patrick handed the bowl to Charlie, he wasn't quite sure what to do with it. He'd never smoked before, but it seemed simple enough. He tried to mimic what the others had done. He held the round end and put his mouth over the other.

  "Like this."

Tristan, seated to his left, leaned over and placed a hand over the one Charlie held the pipe with. He adjusted his fingers slightly so that his index finger covered a hole on the rounded end.

  "Don't eat it," Danni laughed when Charlie brought it back to his mouth.

  Tristan, one hand still covering Charlie's, pulled it away and returned it to rest lightly against Charlie's lips.

  "Now try." Tristan was looking directly into Charlie's eyes. His eyes were a deep deep brown. Sparkling. Wide.

  Charlie closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look into those eyes. He inhaled and tried to hold his breath the way the others had, but ended up choking on the smoke the second it went into his lungs. It was dry and burning. It felt like his lungs were full of air, but at the same time like there was no air in them at all. He tried to catch his breath while Tristan pounded on his back. He heard Danni laughing.

  "Not so hard, geez, you'll break him."

  Charlie wasn't sure what he'd expected, but the burn in his lungs and the sting in his eyes wasn't it. It took him a while before he could breathe again without having it hurt. The pipe passed around the circle two more times before Danni convinced him to take it again.

  "Don't do it so hard." He had no clue what she meant.

  "Take it in easy," Tristan smiled. "Don't take such a deep breath. Just ease it in."

  Tristan demonstrated by taking breaths while Charlie watched.

  "And don't cough," Patrick spoke up. "It only makes it worse."

  Anthony nodded.

  Charlie tried it again, this time taking everyone's cues into consideration. It was much easier. He took a small breath in and, even though he wanted to cough, he held it. When he finally did let it out, it was on a cough, but he didn't choke.

  Tristan smiled widely at him.

  "Well done," he said simply. Surprisingly enough, Charlie felt himself smile shyly.

  They'd passed the 'bowl', Danni had told him, three more times. Patrick had had to go out to the van to refill it. Danni told Charlie the story of how she'd gotten the 'bowl' they were passing around.

  Apparently it had been a gift from the silent Anthony whom, for the last few years, had had a secret crush on Danni. They'd both joined Patrick's band freshman year. Anthony had never said a word to her. They would practice together. Play together. Smoke together. And he never said one word to her. Danni was pretty sure he was a mute. Then one day they were smoking together and he'd pulled it out. They'd shared it and, when Danni had tried to return it to him, he'd told her, 'It's for you'.

  "It was the sweetest thing in the world." Danni gushed.

  Anthony didn't seem to actually be paying attention to the story. He stacked three slices of pizza one on top of the other and took a bite. Patrick had gone into the refrigerator and pulled out a bag of oranges. Between bites of pizza, Anthony and Tristan were helping him devour them all.

  Charlie wanted an orange too, but he was feeling tired. Too tired to reach over and grab one. He tried to think hard about it, he couldn't remember having moved for a while now. His whole body felt glued to the spot. Even his eyes felt sticky. He felt himself blinking slowly. He was breathing slowly too. He thought about moving his hand, but nothing happened. Charlie looked down and stared at his fingers. He thought about wiggling them, but they still weren't moving. He wasn't moving. And now his nose was itchy. He couldn't be glued to the floor because he could move his head. He'd just looked down. Hadn't he? Hadn't he been looking up before? And now he was looking down at his hand.

  "He is so stoned," Charlie heard Danni's laugh. It was a pretty sound. Danni had a pretty laugh. It sounded like tinkling.

  "Why thank you," she laughed again.

  Was he talking aloud?

  "Yes you are," Tristan answered his question for him. Charlie was looking at Tristan. He could move. He tried to think about keeping his mouth closed now. He didn't feel like he was talking out loud. His hand was on his mouth now. His fingers were touching his lips. He couldn't remember moving his hand.

  "He is so stoned," he heard Danni laugh again.

  "Here."

  All of a sudden Tristan was standing above him, holding out a bottle of grape juice. Charlie didn't think he'd be able to take it but before he knew it he'd finished the entire bottle. He blinked at his hand holding the empty bottle of juice. His mouth was so dry, he didn't feel like he'd drank anything.

  "Come on," Tristan smiled down at him. He was holding out his hand.

  An endless flight of stairs later, Tristan was opening a heavy metal door that led out to the roof. It was an amazing view, though it made Charlie feel slightly dizzy. The sky was so full and dark and open. It felt like he was seeing the entire universe. It made him feel so small. His problems so insignificant. His life. Nothing mattered. If he died right now the stars would never change. In 100 years someone else would be looking up at the sky, someone like him, and they would make the same realization. They would understand that, no matter what happened to humanity, the world would go on. Life, even if it changed to something completely unrecognizable, would go on.

  Tristan was nodding beside him. Charlie must have been speaking out loud again. He couldn't remember ever talking so much in his life. He hadn't had much to say after his parents' deaths. There hadn't seemed to be anything worth saying anymore.

  "How did they die?" Tristan asked him.

  Charlie was still looking into the sky. At the bright stars. There were so many of them. Countless. Even thought there was no moon, it was still so bright.

  "I killed them," he answered simply. Charlie looked into Tristan's eyes. What would he say if he knew what had happened? Charlie felt tears running down his cheeks. He hadn't cried since the funeral, he wasn't going to let himself start now. He wasn't a kid anymore.  He was an adult now. Charlie turned away and wiped angrily at his eyes. At least he felt like he had more control over his body now.

  "Charlie," Tristan whispered. Was that the first time he'd said his name? Charlie couldn't remember hearing it from him before.

  Charlie felt Tristan's thumb swipe at a tear that was trailing down his face. He wasn't sure what to say. What to do.

  "Charlie," Tristan said his name again. He wasn't smiling right now. He looked so serious. His eyebrows were furrowed above his big brown eyes. It was so dark, but his eyes were still bright. Twinkling like the stars, as corny as that sounded.

  Charlie didn't move. Tristan didn't take his hand away. He moved his face forward slowly down towards Charlie's. Charlie wasn't sure what to do. He felt like his body was glued to the spot again. He wasn't crying anymore. He was holding his breath. He wasn't breathing. But his heart was pounding. So loudly that he though Tristan could probably hear it. Pounding so hard that it hurt.

  Charlie closed his eyes tightly. He felt Tristan's warm breath fanning out over his skin. Their lips barely brushed. Lightly. Almost not there. Charlie wasn't sure what to do. He'd never kissed anyone. He'd never been kissed by anyone other than his parents. Not anyone. Especially not someone like Tristan. Tristan with his fathomless eyes. Someone who was always smiling.

  Their lips were still touching. Charlie wasn't sure how to respond but, as if they had a mind of their own, Charlie's hands reached up to hold Tristan in place when he felt him moving away. His fingers wound themselves into Tristan's hair loosely. He felt Tristan deepen the kiss.

  Their bodies were touching now. They were moving closer together.

  Charlie breathed deeply, taking in the spicy smell of Tristan's skin. The taste of oranges on his lips. He was breathing in Tristan's kiss.

 

 

Author's Note

I really enjoyed typing this one, though it isn't finished. Let me know what you think!