astonishment

I am a time bomb waiting to explode!!!

I think I came morbidly close yesterday!

I am so tired of beingUSED by any and everyone that really knows me.

I think yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back....

just one little not so hanus thing brought me to a point

where I actually could have turned on EVERYONE I knew and loved.

I have NEVER been so upset, fed up in my ENTIRE  LIFE!!!

I had to NOT speak most of the day for fear

I was going to verbally destroy ANY and EVERYONE I came in contact with.

So I waited til I calmed down to talk to those who had nothing to do with my problems.

I did have a problem trying to find a shoulder to cry on...

people have lives, but when people need me...

they can find me and I put down what I am doing and put others aside when necessary.

But I have come to notice it is natural and everyone isn't me

 that is why I am always disappointed.

 I guess it is meant for me to be who I am,

to make me into someone better.

Maybe all of this is to actually make me better or different.

Only GOD knows. I am trying to be lead to my plan HE has for me.

This is all new for me I usually bottle up my anger,

so this is different for me, I'm in awe of the feelings I had yesterday

and all of the guilt that came with it.

 I was ASTONISHED!