Growth

growing up

i always wanted to be multiple things. some, were practical, others were not. for example: when i was four, i told my mom that i wanted to be a princess when i grew up. now, even though that hypothetically happened, its not practical. as I grew, i kept changing my ideas and thoughts on how i wanted to live my life. but now, all i want when i grow up is to be yours. to be consumed in your arms like my blanket does to me on the coldest of winters. i want to love you and know that the infinities plus infinities are the definition of us. and when the thought of the beginning comes up, i dont see an end. because there shouldn't be an end. the end is merely something we are afraid of because we're scared of loosing but even when we lose, we gain. there is no end to a chapter of your life, it is just simply on holitd. deteriorating into the galaxies. so yes i may be afraid of losing you but thats only because i dont want to gain anything without you. so now when i think about what i want to be when i grow up, i think practical. because practically, sadly, unfortunately, i will sooner or later not have you in my ongoing chapter anymore and even though that scares the hell out of me its okay because its here and now that matters. so ill just think about the sleep im missing but i wont be dreading it, ill be reminiscing about it because id rather see your eyes than the back of my eyelids because yours are more colorful and vibrant thank the darkness inside my eyes. ill think about all of the reasons that my hand fits perfectly in yours and no one else's. how being wrapped in your arms is the only time i feel safe and secure in the world. so im just trying to remember that its here and now that matters, and not worry about anything but what's right in front of me. you. 

©Mackensie Eckenfels