Nightmare

Clothed but cold, muted scream
Deep in abyss of a forsaken dream

 

Meteor rain, singed skin
Fully unclothed, watched by kin

 

Eyes are open, darkness shuts
serpent soars from open guts

 

Under water and I can't swim
Hope for life now turns dim

 

Lift this haze, crack a light
Slap me hard to end this night

Reviews

[Akshay Rawal]

Not a word wasted. Each word deepened in meaning by successive words, I end in awe, and that last line is no less than a slap, in effect, though you are pleading for it. I wont slap you but give you a caress of warmth.

[Woody]

wonderful!! you have a way with words. looks simple but, wow! like it a lot.

[Mashoosh Kateb]

Thanks for reading Woody. Glad you liked it.

[Michael Stevens]

Excellent for having trouble speaking English!

[Mashoosh Kateb]

Thank you! appreciate it very much.

[Michael Stevens]

You're quite welcome!

[Nevtry]

The second part of this line: "Fully unclothed, watched by kin" doesn't rhyme like the rest of the poem does. B

But the rest is really good - it gives the idea of living in a dream-like state. Or, as the title aptly puts it, in a nightmare. Interesting ending - gives a sharp pull back into reality, contrasting with the larger imagery in the rest of the poem.

[Sourav]

Interesting line to end this poem. Liked it for its free flowing nature and emotional attribute.