The Soul Ravine

A short story on something I wanted to write about.

Hand in hand, we walk through a beautiful time. The sun is shining, there are no clouds to be seen, the flowers greet us, life is smiling upon us. What could possibly go wrong?

I notice some dark clouds far ahead of us. She hasn’t seen them yet, hopefully they will pass by. Whatever, they will never reach us, our love is too strong.

All of a sudden the ground in front of us disappears and there is a huge ravine in front of us. I try to warn her, but it’s too late. She falls into it, unaware of what’s down there.

Dark clouds fill the once clear sky above me. Rain starts falling down from the sky. I look down: I can still see her down there. I call her name. No answer.

I keep calling her name. Still no answer. Where is she? Is she gone? What do I have to do? More and more rain starts to drop from the dark clouds.

I look in front of me: there is a bridge to the other side of the ravine. I can see the sun far ahead of me on the other side.

I’m getting the feeling she isn’t there anymore, but she still is. I can see her. She can’t be gone, she said she loved me. Was it a lie?

I stretch out my hand to her. No answer. She doesn’t want to look up. I hear something break into pieces in my ribcage. A lightning bolt lit up the sky for a split second.

What will I do; move forward on my own, or wait for her to climb out of the ravine?

Author's Note

Hopefully you understand the meaning of it. Do not take it to literally, since you might end up thinking I'm nuts or something like that. If you do not get the meaning of it, feel free to ask.

Reviews

[Lavorther]

Wow, this is a very powerful piece. I love the metaphors. You described the buildup and the dilemma really well.

One small suggestion:
"All of a sudden the ground in front of us disappears and there is huge ravine in front of us."
You should add an "a" between "there is" and "huge ravine".

[Mister T.]

Mmh, I guess I made a mistake by saying you had already reviewed this piece of mine..
But, anyways, thank you for your review :)
I think I've skipped the article there of 'huge ravine', thank you for the suggestion!

[Hyacinth]

Wow. That is all I can say.
This-to me-is extremely relatable because of a few things that have happened in the past. It is a fitting description of what you're thinking- what you're feeling- at that moment when you don't know wheather to move on or wait.
Again, utterly amazing.

[Mister T.]

Thank you for your review :)
Glad you enjoyed it!

[monkeyS]

Really enjoyed this, but I feel bad for you that you had to feel this way. I definitely know how you feel, but it does suck. I really hope you feel better now! But besides that, I really like your way of writing and how you can make someone part of your feelings.
Well done!

[Mister T.]

Thank you, I really appreciate it :)
Well, all the nice and kind reactions of many pleased readers make me feel better already, as writing is my way of dealing with certain emotions and feelings. This, what I described in the poem, has happened over 2 months ago actually, and since that moment things have been turning the good way for me.
Glad you enjoyed it! :)

[WillGrant]

I really like this. And that might be because I read it with my own memories and experiences. I can see myself in this story. But to me I see the darkness because I cause it. Not on purpose. That's just the way it is. And she walks right into it unknowing. And then "I stretch out my hand to her. No answer. She doesn't want to look up." Good read

[Mary Helda]

sad,,i related to it because the same things seems to be happening between my bestfriend and i...though i am still praying he comes out of the raven...beautifully written though

[Mister T.]

I feel very sorry for you..
Remember, if you're really best friends, everything should turn out fine. Best friends do not leave each other hanging, or at least, they shouldn't. As I stated in my poem, sometimes it's better to move on and accept it the way it is. Life goes on, regardless of whether we like it or not.
Thank you for your review!

[Great Aunt Astri]

Lovely. I could read a lot into the words .. clouds, ravine, falling etc and this little poem actually paints a huge picture. Well done.

[Mister T.]

Thank you :)
All these words have a certain meaning, indeed. It doesn't have to be one exact meaning, it can be different for everyone.

[Norman T]

This was well written and held the interest, despite the apparent enigma . Love is such an abstract thing. It can be an overwhelming attraction ,or even a repulsion when there is the slightest discord. The "fairytale wedding" that can collapse after a short while due to an unforseen lack of harmony. Is the bond still there, or or does each protagonist go their seperate ways.
This is the interpretation that I put on your story - I hope I'm neither nuts, or too old and inhibited in my views.

Norman

[Mister T.]

Well, wisdom comes with the years, doesn't it? ;)
Your interpretation was pretty accurate, actually, or at least you've discovered my intentions with this piece of writing. Love is so many things at once - love is different for everyone. One moment the bond feels indestructable, and the other moment it might just fall apart in an instant.
As I've said before, writing should be by and for everyone, no matter how old or young they are.
Thank you for the review!

[Edenisinsane]

Really liked this piece and the way that you expressed your emotions through it. It's clear that you've been in a similar emotional state as the one portrayed in your piece, being able to use emotions such as these in your writing takes a lot of talent.

[Mister T.]

Thank you for your review!
Glad you enjoyed it :)

[Rocksie]

It's ironic how when we "fall" in love, but here the fall is negative. When someone chooses to leave you, your world is torn apart, but part of you still wants to wait for them.
I liked how you added the lightning bolt. I don't know if that was supposed to symbolize the loss of the "spark" that was there before, but either way it was a nice touch.
Nice writing!

[Mister T.]

You're actually right about the lightning bolt thing. It indeed symbolizes the moment when the first person in the story (the "protagonist") realizes that this isn't working anymore, that it's time to move on. Great that you noticed it! :)
Thank you for the review!

[MelissaAndres]

Sounds like a horrible dream one has after a hard breakup. You have revealed emotions well in this piece. Keep up the good work!

[Mister T.]

Well, to be honest, this was kind of based on something that happened to me - yeah, I know, I'm only 16, but puberty makes life tough..
Anyway, thanks for the review!

[MelissaAndres]

Oh, believe me, I know that! Teenage years can be very rough. Everyone, at every age has feelings and emotions that are hard to deal with .. I hope writing is helping you, at least somewhat, get through the bad times. Hang in there ... good times will be just around the corner. I can attest to that!

[Mister T.]

Well, a flood of thoughts strikes my head every day again, so writing is like my way to get rid of those unnecessary thoughts. And I know good times will come sometime, this is only a learning experience for me, as in, learning that life isn't great and fantastic all the time. We've all got to deal with it anyway.
Thank you for your understanding :)

[MelissaAndres]

Some of my writings deal with the angst in life. If I had known then what I know now, I would never have done some of the things I did back in the day. We all have to learn those lessons and have those experiences for ourselves though. You sound very smart and I am very glad to hear that your writing helps you.