The Last GamecubeA Screenplay by Miles W. A project that me and my two good friends came up with and never made this into fruition. It is kind of funny though. The Last Gamecube Scene 1: News
Broadcast/Intro Credits/initial escape Characters: Random people
destroying Gamecubes, Bro, Dude, N.S., Man (shopkeeper), newscaster Locations: peoples homes,
street, Play it Trade it Polaris Props: tiny car, NERF gun,
gamecubes, smashing stuff
<“Typical”
Comedy Productions Presents, an It Came From the Marching Band film,> <cut
to inside of somebody’s house and show people sitting there, watching the
news> News
Anchor: And in gaming news, the latest financials from Nintendo have surfaced
and revealed that the Nintendo Gamecube is the worst selling console in the
history of the company and gaming consoles in general. <people
look at each other look down at the floor, shows gamecube just sitting
there> Person
1: Well, I guess if it sold really bad, nothing good can come from it. What should we do with it man? Person
2: I don’t know. Want to record us
destroying it and see if we get a bunch of views on YouTube? Person
1: Eh, why not? <cut
to outside, Person 1 raises baseball bat onto shoulder> Person
1: Well, since you sold so poorly, there’s only one thing we can do with you! <camera
shows person swinging baseball bat, about to hit camera. fades to black> <The
Last Gamecube> <cut
to PITI, roll intro credits, shows Dude strolling through with headphones
on> Dude:
Hey Man, is Link’s Awakening in yet? Man:
Sorry. Not today. We did get Klonoa though. You want that? Dude: Alright.
Sounds good to me. <buys
game, walks out, puts on headphones.
Music plays, skateboards down the street. As he passes houses, people are destroying
game cubes, Dude doesn’t notice. Rolls
up to Bro’s house. Walks inside, door
closes, a gamecube lands damaged in the front lawn.> Bro:
Hey Dude. Dude:
Hey. Bro:
Anything good? Dude:
Awakening wasn’t in yet, so I got Klonoa.
You got any good multiplayer games? Bro:
I got Mario Power Tennis. Dude:
Bro, the Wimbledon ended last weekend.
How about Mario Baseball? Bro:
Eh, why not? <go
down to basement, turn on TV, news anchor shows up> Anchor:
And in internet news, the latest viral trend is people taking the few game
cubes in the world and smashing in various ways from simply using a baseball
bat to the most horrific ways possible. <Bro
and Dude look at each other with confused looks and look down at their
gamecube> Anchor: Word is coming in that all the game cubes in
America have been destroyed and that a man known as (coughs)
Schwarzenegger (coughs) not, is going to
go to Japan and continue the trend of destroying gamecubes. <N.S. walks into
studio.> Mr. Schwarzenegger, (laughs
under his breath), how will you convince the people of Japan to let you destroy
the game cubes out of the blue and with no legal repercussions? N.S.: I will tell them, either you let me use your
game cubes as target practice, (flips shades) or I use YOU as target practice. Anchor:
Fair enough <Turns
off TV, they look at each other> Dude:
Bro, why would they destroy the gamecube?!
It’s an awesome system! Bro:
Dude, we’ve got to warn Japan. Dude:
But how? Bro:
Easy Dude. Nintendo of America. They have a hardline to Nintendo of
Japan. If we warn them about what’s
going to happen, maybe we can save the gamecubes. <Door
knocks, Bro walks up to answer, N.S. kicks it open.> Bro:
Holy S**t! N.S.:
I have come here for your gamecube. Bro:
Um…what gamecube? N.S.:
The one you are holding in your hand. Bro:
(looks at gamecube) Um…this is just a lunchbox! (nervous smile) N.S.:
Lately, I have been destroying… “lunchboxes”. <gun about to fire, Bro gets
scared, gun clicks.> N.S.:
Huh? (clicks again and again) Damn! Out of ammo. (walks off, turns around) I’ll
be back. <dude
runs up, panting> Dude:
Bro, we’ve got to get to Nintendo of America.
You know how to get there? Bro:
No. You? Dude:
Fortunately, yes. Bro: All right.
How should we get there. Car?
Boat? Dude:
Roll. Bro:
Roll? Dude:
Bro, how does one get around in legend of zelda in 3D pre-Skyward Sword? Bro:
Dodge rolling? Dude:
Exactly. Lets roll! Bro:
Wait! Dude:
What? We need to go now! Bro:
Dude, we need to protect the last gamecube in America, don’t we? Dude: Oh yeah.
And we should also probably grab the games while we’re at it. <cut
to them packing up the bag, putting in games> Bro:
Dude, how are we going to fit all these games in here? Dude:
and these controllers! <puts in controllers> And the gameboy player!
<puts it in> and this Gameboy Advance! <puts it in> And the
gamecube itself! <puts it in the bag>
<Bro looks in, bag is empty.
Puts hand inside, pulls out gamecube. confused look on his face. They
head outside, and start walking out the door and down the sidewalk. A shot is fired and misses them by a
whisker. They turn around to see N.S.
chasing after them in a tiny car.> N.S.:
That was just a warm up shot. I don’t
miss that easily. <Bro
and Dude start running, shots keep missing them. Cut back to N.S.> I
swear, these are all practice shots.
Park Battle Scene Location: Perry Park Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S.,
Twilight Princess Link, Wind Waker Link, Crystal, mob people Props: Wind Waker, Nerf Gun,
tiny car
<Bro and
Dude run past a baseball field, chased by mob people. The mob people grab baseball bats from a
nearby dugout, and keep chasing after Bro and Dude. They reach the outfield wall> Bro:
Dude! We’re trapped! Dude: Nah,
Bro. Lets just scale the fence! Bro: We
can’t! We don’t want to risk damaging
the gamecube! <during this time the mob looks like they are getting closer
but they haven’t yet.> Um, shouldn’t they have reached us by now? Dude:
Eh. Beats me. Wait, Bro, who’s that? <cut to
WW Link talking to TP Link> WW: I
pioneered the way for Zelda on the Gamecube! TP: (sarcastically) Yeah, with your cell shaded
graphics. While you played in the ocean,
I gave fans the realistic looking Zelda that fans were waiting for ever since
the Gamecube premiered at E3! WW: Oh
yeah, with “I don’t give a s**t princess Zelda.
And besides, I got the coolest mode of transportation. TP:
Pft. Yeah right. You got the most
ANNOYING form of travel ever. I got
Epona. Classic 64 era mode of transport
baby. WW:
Well…uh, I have means of transporting myself from place to place! <pulls out
wind waker> TP:
<steals wind waker.> Oh come on, this thing? I turned into a wolf for
crying out loud! <WW jumps up trying to grab it, TP holds it out of
reach.> What’s the matter, too short?
<WW gives him annoyed look, kicks him in the groin area. TP reacts
accordingly.> WW: What’s
the matter, too tall? <wind
waker drops at the feet of Bro and Dude.
Bro picks it up and realizes that the crowd hasn’t moved an inch> Bro:
Um…why’d you guys stop running at us? Random mob
person 1: we were distracted by those two idiots also. Random mob
person 2: Why were we chasing these people again? Dude:
Because…we have the last Gamecube? Bro: DUDE!
<whacks him in the head> Dude: Oh
yeah. Right… Mob: Take
them down! <yells> Bro:
<picks up wind waker> Dude: I
don’t think this is the time for you to practice your music career! <mob is
not getting any closer> Bro: Trust
me, I’ve got this. <plays ballad of the gales, wind blows mob away, Bro and
Dude high-five> Dude: Bro,
with that thing, we don’t have to worry about the mobs ever again! Bro: Or,
since we have the power of the gales, we can just teleport ourselves to
Nintendo of America! Piece of cake!
<shot rings out and wind waker goes flying off out of reach. cut to N.S.,
has a scope on his gun now> N.S.: I
told you those were target practice. <drives around, takes time with tiny
car, Bro and Dude are having confused looks, are about to run and grab the wind
waker, when another random mob person jumps in front of them> Dude: Wait,
didn’t we just blow you guys away from here with the wind waker? Random mob
person 1: Um… it only carried us to the baseball diamond next to this one.
<look over and see the other people getting up from having been blown away a
few yards.> Dude: Oh
crud. Bro: RUN
LIKE HELL! <shot rings out and they stop running. N.S. comes up and aims gun at them> N.S.: Game
over. Dude:
Bro! Send out a distress signal! Bro: Huh? Dude: PRESS
THE RESET BUTTON! Bro:
Oh. Ok. <presses button. Nothing happens. presses repeatedly. Nothing happens.> NOTHING’S HAPPENING! N.S.: Hasta
la Vista kiddies. <flash
of light in the sky, crystal shows up and knocks them all back off their feet
with an energy blast> Krystal: A
xulo hosaolot peib tackhocc, udt A um fhofuhot ke xocf pei nukx peib suijo. (I have
received your distress signal. And I am
prepared to help you with your cause) Everybody:
What?
Krystal:
Hout kxo tamd jirkikcos! (Read the
damn subtitles) Everybody:
(looks down) Oh. N.S.:
There’s one problem. I can’t read.
(everybody smacks their heads) ( N.S. gets up) I like you lady. I think I’ll kill you first. Krystal:
De. A um nakx Star Fox, udt A xalo u
Land Master touty ke trep euk ef the jky and ctujh yeut ujj. (No. I am with Star Fox, and I have a land master
ready to drop out of the sky and crush your a*s.) N.S.:
Whatever, I still kill you anyway. <charges Krystal. Krystal battles with quarterstaff, battle
rages, Bro and Dude look at each other with confused looks, then sneak off.> Random Mob
person 2: Uh, hey boss? N.S.: Not
now. I am busy making myself look
badass. Random mob
person 1: But the gamecube, N.S.: I
WILL USE YOU FOR TARGET PRACTICE NEXT IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP! <battle rages,
on, Crystal gets knocked back.> Krystal:
Ugh, visb kxaj. A xalo to got touty for
udekhot Star Fox 64 tomuko. (Ugh , f**k
this. I have to get ready for another
Star Fox 64 remake) <walks
off in a huff, N.S. cleans his sunglasses.> N.S.: Now
then kiddies, It is time for you to…(notices they are gone) D****T! WHY DIDN’T YOU IDIOTS TELL ME THEY LEFT! Random mob
person 1: Well, we tried, but you said you would use us for target practice if
we interrupted your fight! <N.S.
points gun at the mob, looks like he is going to shoot, then puts gun down> N.S.:
Consider yourself lucky I need the ammo. (walks off, then looks back at them)
But don’t worry. I’ll be back. <walks
off into the forest.>
Forest Scene Location: Perry Park Characters: Bro, Dude,
Olimar, N.S. Props: Nerf Gun
<Bro
and Dude are running through the forest, come upon a small clearing next to a
giant tree by a stream. They stop to
catch their breath.> Bro:
I think we lost him. Dude:
Yeah, that’s great. But now we’re
lost! How the flip are we going to get
to Nintendo of America now? Bro:
Let me check the map. (pulls out gameboy.
Whacks it, doesn’t work.) Oh for
crying out loud! Dude:
Great now what. Bro:
Easy. We go back the way we came. Dude:
Yeah, no. Bro: Why not.
Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you get lost in a forest. Dude:
Um, genius, that crazy guy is following us?
And if we go back all we’ll do is just run right into him? Bro: Oh…yeah….WELL HOW THE F**K ARE WE GETTING OUT
OF THIS ONE?! Dude: THAT’S WHAT I SAID! Olimar
(off camera): Say, can you help me? I am looking for my pikmin. <they
turn around. Camera reveals Olimar.> Dude:
Uh, who are you? And why are you bobbing
your head up and down like that? Olimar: What do you mean? I am clearly communicating to you. Dude: There you go again. I literally have no flipping idea what you
are doing. Bro: Um…subtitles? Dude:
(looks down) Oh yeah. Forgot about
those. Bro: Anyways, you said you were looking for your
pikmin? Olimar:
Yes, my pikmin. They remind me of
carrots. Which makes it really difficult
when I am stranded and don’t have any food. Dude:
Carrots? They look more like turnips on
the game cover. (whips out game cover) Olimar:
What is this? Is it some form of history
log? How do you turn it on? Bro:
Um…it’s a video game. You play it on a
game system. Olimar: Video game?
What is that? Is it some form of
computer? Bro:
Uh, the system is. The game itself makes
it run in a way. Dude:
Anyways, do you know how to get out of here buddy? Olimar:
Certainly. But I’ll only show you the
way if you tell me where my Pikmin are. Dude:
Well, I don’t-(Bro covers his mouth) Bro:
I think I saw them back…(points where they came from) that way. Olimar: Excellent!
And for you, the exit you seek lies in that direction. <they
both walk off and go their separate ways.
Olimar is walking through the forest.
N.S. is walking through the forest, runs into Olimar.> N.S.:
What the f**k. A midget? Olimar:
Oh hello. Have you seen my Pikmin? N.S.:
(Looks down at subtitles.) Can you
speak? I can’t read. Olimar:
Huh? What do you mean you can’t read? Didn’t you go to school? N.S.:
I said I can’t READ!!!! <pulls out gun, points it at Olimar’s head.> Now you will tell me where those two losers
went or I will blow a hole in your dome. <Olimar fearfully points in
direction of where Bro and Dude went.
N.S. pushes him to the side.> N.S.:
I will find them, and I will go even further into the viral world. <walks
off, Olimar looks at camera confused.> The Last Gamecube Script
idea Scene: city chase scene Location: German Village,
Bookloft Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S.,
Viewtiful Joe and girlfriend Items needed: GC, tiny car,
truck, book, nerf gun
<bro
and man are running down one of the brick streets, N.S. is on their tail> Bro:
Dude, you sure this is the way to Nintendo of America? Dude:
Hey, have I been wrong so far? Bro:
Well considering we’ve gotten nowhere yet, I can’t say for sure. <cut
to N.S. driving tiny car, it is struggling with the brick road> N.S.:
I know old ladies that run faster dan zis car! <car tips over> N.S.:
(Beep!) this car! <looks
over and sees man leaving truck, heavenly music plays, N.S. raises flip shades
up> N.S.:
Now that, <flips shades down, c***s gun and takes aim> is a manly car.
<fires and kills truck owner, gets in, takes off after Bro and Dude> <Cut
to Bro and Dude running, they turn their heads and see N.S. driving the truck
towards them> Dude:
Oh come on! Bro:
Hey, he can’t drive through here. Come
on! <two duck into the walkway by Bookloft.
Run by main entrance, are grabbed by Viewtiful Joe> Dude
and Bro: Viewtiful Joe! VJ:
Yeah, that’s me. And I’m here to turn
you over to that guy! <they turn and see N.S. walking towards them with a
shotgun> Bro:
What? But how Joe? You were a Gamecube character! Your loyalty should be with us! VJ:
That may be so, however, I was also a part of the Capcom 5 that also had a game
on the PS2. And that is where my loyalty
lies. Now, time for your Gamecube to
die. <chokes them both, N.S. takes aim> N.S.:
Game over man. <loads barrel, about to pull trigger> Silvia:
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEE! <everybody turns and sees Silvia walking
towards group angry> How dare you
betray the Gamecube like this! The
Gamecube is where you became popular! VJ:
But honey, the PS2… Silvia:
Oh no! I am having no more of your
excuses Joe! You are going to apologize
to these nice boys and you are going to beat that man over there to a pulp! N.S.:
But only I beat people to pulp. Silvia:
YOU STAY OUT OF THIS CREEP! <N.S. takes a step backwards, a little
intimidated> VJ:
But, but, Silvia:
BUT WHAT? VJ:
But, squares and x’s and circles, oh my! Silvia:
UGH! I have HAD IT with you! Thats it. <grabs book> I’m throwing the
book at you! <throws book, VJ ducks, letting go of Bro and Dude in the
process. Book hits N.S. in the face and
knocks him flat> <senseless
arguing continues, Bro and Dude look on with confused looks, and slowly walk
away N.S. gets back up, flips his shades
back down and goes to his truck. Looks
back at VJ and Silvia> N.S.:
<looks at camera like braking the 4th wall> Makes me glad I don’t have a
girlfriend. The Last Gamecube Scene: Nintendo of America Location: Grover’s house (if
possible) Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S.,
Tom Nook (puppet), Nintendo wise man.
<Bro
and Dude walk up in front of house, look around> Bro:
Um…are you sure this is Nintendo of America? Dude:
Why wouldn’t it be? Bro:
Because…it looks like your house. Dude:
Nah. Can’t be! If it was my house, why is there a sign that
says Nintendo of America right next to it. <cut to sign. cut back to main
characters> Bro:
Huh. Weird. Well, whatever. Let’s get moving. <they
enter the house, find receptionist desk.
Nobody is there. They ring bell,
look around, then look back. Tom Nook is
there (if possible, wearing a tie)> T.N.:
Hi everybody! Bro
and Dude: (bored/annoyed) Hi Mr. Nook. T.N.:
So how can I help you on this fine day? Bro: We’re looking for the Nintendo of Japan
representative. We need to warn him that
the Not Schwarzenegger is going to go to Japan to destroy the remaining
Gamecubes and go viral on YouTube! <Tom Nook gives them a weird
look> It’s true! <still gives them
weird look> Dude: Come on, you’re a talking raccoon wearing a
tie. I don’t think that this is too
outlandish. T.N.:
<ponders for a second.> You will
find who you are looking for upstairs, down the hall to the left. Now if you will excuse me…<goes back to
his computer. Bro and Dude go
upstairs. N.S. barges in, looks around,
looks at T.N.> N.S.:
What are you, some kind of muppet reject? T.N.:
Hi everybody! N.S.:
Who is this everybody? I know I command
a large presence, but I am the only one in this room. <cut
to Bro and Dude looking at doors, find door with Japanese characters on it.> Dude:
I think this is it. Bro:
Ya think? (sarcastically) <they open door, find wise man sitting in meditation
position.> NWM:
Must think of ways to remake the same game…must try to come up with reason to
remake Star Fox 64 again…<keeps muttering as the two come in.> Bro:
Uh…are you the representative of Nintendo of Japan? <NWM gets up> NWM:
How…may I help you? Dude:
Um… NWM:
Say no more. I already know why you are
here? Bro:
Well that’s great! I assume you have
warned Japan already? NWM:
Yes of course. And they were very
excited about the news. Dude:
Excited? They were excited to have all
the game cubes destroyed? NWM:
Oh. I thought you were here to buy a Wii
U. The fact is, it’s been selling so
poorly recently, every time we sell one, it’s considered worthy of a
celebration. But why would anyone want
to destroy gamecubes? Bro:
Well, apparently, there was this news broadcast that said the gamecube was one
of the worst selling system of all time, so now everybody thinks they can go
viral on YouTube if you smash one on camera.
And this guy who calls himself Schwarzenegger, even though he’s not,
said he was going to go to Japan to… NWM:
Oh yeah. That thing. Well, in this case scenario, there is only
one thing you can do. Dude:
and what might that be? NWM:
You must remind everybody that it is not the hardware, the sales, or the fan
base that makes the console, but rather
the games. Convince them. Challenge the one you call Schwarzenegger to
a battle, that is sure to get the news crew on the scene. Then, defeat him, then tell everybody the
truth! Bro: Okay, why not just tell the news that right
now? NWM:
They won’t listen. All the stations
agree, as do the people. If you get all
the people in one place at the same time, they you will surely win the day. Dude:
This doesn’t make any sense. NWM: Trust me on this one. Now get out of my office! I must meditate on how to make Luigi look
even better than Mario in the next game. <resumes meditating, Bro and Dude
leave the office. NWM looks up to make
sure they are gone, then goes over to telephone.> NWM:
Hello, channel 5 News? The Last Gamecube Final Scene Location possibilities: In
front of Grover’s house, behind Grover’s house. Characters: Bro, Dude, N.S.,
random people Props: nerf guns, baseball
bat, fan, soccer ball, top, lawn mower (?)
<Bro
and Dude walk up to N.S., crowd of people surrounds them.> N.S.:
You may think you have caught me, but I let you catch me so that I may destroy
you into tiny pieces alongside your gamecube! Bro:
Really man? You’ve been chasing us for
the whole day! You even got a book
thrown in your face! <crowd laughs, N.S. looks around a bit
embarrassed. Pulls up his gun. Everybody quiets down. he points gun at Bro
and Dude> N.S.:
(laughs) I like you both. I think, (puts
down gun) I will give you a handicap. <both sides get into fighting
stances.> <Fighting. items will be thrown in and added to the
choreography at directors decision> <fight
is going Bro and Dude’s way, N.S. runs into crowd, re-emerges with gun.> N.S.:
I lied. <is about to pull trigger, when it clicks again> N.S.:
Why do I always run out of ammo when I have them right where I want them?!
<throws down gun, charges at the in a blind rage. Bro and dude look at each other, stand aside,
N.S. runs into truck, falls down.> N.S.: All right, we’ll call it a draw. <passes
out. Crowd cheers, Bro and Dude get to
higher ground.> Bro:
People people! Let me ask you
something. Why the flip would you
destroy a game console without trying the games out first? Or in the case of the gamecube, play them
again? Who could forget classics such
as, (list off several classic gamecube games and people grab them and find them
interesting, as well as saying oh yeah, and that’s right.). Dude: And who could forget…(pulls out s****y game)
no one likes you. Get out of here!
<tosses it into the air, N.S. gets up, then gets hit by game box. Falls back down.> N.S.:
That… may have been excessive. <passes out again. A news truck comes by.> Newsman: This is your live reporter for channel 5
news. Can we get your names for the
press boys? Bro: You go ahead Dude. Dude:
Nah Bro, you go. Bro:
Come on. I think it would look better on
the 5:00 news if it said Dude and Bro rather than Bro and Dude. Dude:
Actually, I like Bro and Dude better to be honest. Newsman: Wait, are you telling me your names are Bro
and Dude? Bro
and Dude: Wasn’t it obvious? Bro: That’s all we called ourselves during this
adventure. Dude: Wait a second, why would our parents give us
those specific names? Bro: You know what, I really don’t know. Hey, newsman, do you have a top on you? Newsman:
Uh, sure why? <gives them the top, they go over to a nearby table. Spin top, they wait, (insert spongebob 5
minutes later here) top is still spinning.> Bro
and Dude together: Dream. <Evan
wakes up in his bed in a hurry. He sees
Nathan leaving the bathroom.> Nathan:
Oh, Morning Evan. Sleep alright? Evan: Not really, no. I had the craziest dream. Nathan:
Oh please. It couldn’t be that bad. Evan:
Links Awakening. Nathan:
Oh…that bad. Evan: It was weird.
Me and Trevor were trying to save the last gamecube in America, and Ty
was chasing us for some reason, and I think Christy was in there somewhere for
no particular reason. Nathan: That is weird. Oh well.
We gotta get going. Hate to miss
the bus on test day. Evan: Yeah, that would be awkward, wouldn’t
it. All right. Let me just get ready real quick. <cut to
them leaving the house, then cut to Ty pushing a lawn mower> Nathan
and Evan: Morning Ty! Ty:
Hey, morning people! Evan:
You going to classes at the university today? Ty:
Nah, I need to be here to make sure everything is clean before my parents get
back tomorrow night. You know, just so
they know I was somewhat responsible and not hanging out with my girlfriend the
whole time. (They all laugh) Well, have
a good day you guys! Evan
and Nathan: See you man! <get in car, drive off, Ty looks over, flips shades
down> Ty:
I’ll be back. <roll
credits> © 2014 Miles W.Author's Note
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Miles W.Columbus, OHAboutI am a recent graduate with a degree in Film Production. My dream is to become a film director, creating my own stories. I love writing stories and fan fiction. Please check it out, share and revie.. more..Writing
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