Living with thalassemia

This story represents a challenging time in life of a thalassemic patient when he had to relocate to a new city far from his home in pursuit of his dreams. Written in first person.

Here I am sitting on my desk, thousands of miles away from my home. Home, wow, even a thought of that word brings the feeling of both comfort and anxiety at the same time. All my life I had been protected by my parents, my family. Hospitals visit every month, all those needles, all that pain and all those medicines but never in my life, I was ever alone. Everyone claims of their parents being the best and it’s true. Every parent in this world tries to give their best to their children. Whether they support your decisions or not, whether you listen to them or not, but the fact that they love you does not change and the feeling of knowing just that gets most of us going forward even when we are at our worst.

Here I am sitting on my desk, thinking all of this, why? Because yesterday I had to go for my transfusion, that’s why. A landslide of emotions; be it fear, anxiety or loneliness was building up in my head but no escape. But why would there have been an escape? It was nobody's fault but my own. I insisted on being in that strange place, far away from my home, my family, my friends. Though it was not the first time that I was feeling lonely, but this time it was different. As mind kept overthinking, processing all the possible 'what ifs', I kept on getting more scared. I could have called my family and told them how I felt, but deep inside I knew they were even more scared so did not want to add to their troubles. I could have called my friends and even wanted to, but wait, that would have portrayed me as a weak person( well, I  have my insecurities), telling them I feel vulnerable, how dare I even think that?

Sometimes writing is the only medium left for some people for getting their feelings out. Some people cry, some scream, and some just shut them inside. For almost all my life I never opened to anyone about my feelings. Every time I sat down with my parents, they told me to open up. Somehow they always knew if there was something going in my mind. But I never told them. Never knew where to start. Sometimes I really tried, even uttered a few words only to change topic after that. And quite frankly how can I tell them that their son is feeling sad, he feels frustrated from life, he does not want to live this way. Despite all their efforts, despite making their only goal in life to make their son’s life better, it wasn’t fair to tell them that they have failed. Every time I was suffering in the hospital, I know they have been crying too. From the day you are born to the day you move out to start to your own life and even after that, whenever you are stuck, you come looking for their advice, right? We assume that they know the solution; we rely on them to get us out. But there come some incidents along the way when you realize that they are even more scared than you.

The day I received joining letter, my happiness had no bounds. Thought I could take on the world now as I can finally see the first step on this long ladder. But you see the thing about thalassemia is that sometimes among all you dreams and hopes, you can easily forget about it until one day when you feel weak and know it is time to pay visit to the hospital. It is time for a refill. This stuck me hard. The idea of living thousands of miles away, finding a new doctor, having to go through transfusions alone, every three weeks. I did not want to go now. I knew my parents would understand. But this was my chance to leave everyone behind having sympathy for me in their eyes. “Poor child,” they used to say. Well I had to go, prove my worth unless what’s the point.

“I am going to join, maa.”

I am scared maa. Please tell me to stop. Make an excuse. Don’t let me go to that strange place.

“Are you sure about that, beta (son)? Promise me you’ll take care of your health as a priority.”

Of course, I don’t want you to go, my child, but I don’t want to be the one to stop you.

Now here I am sitting on my desk, after my first transfusion in my new city, all alone. No one here with sympathy in their eyes for no one knows where I go on the weekends except an emergency contact. Ready to take on the world, one day at a time…

Until, it’s time for my next transfusion.

 

Author's Note

This is my one of first stories. English is not my first language. welcome all feedback and criticism. I'd appreciate a review or any comments

Reviews

[APOORVA]

superbly written.
impressive and intelligent content.
perfect start...liked it.
And quite frankly how can I tell them that their son is feeling sad, he feels frustrated from life, he does not want to live this way. Despite all their efforts, despite making their only goal in life to make their son’s life better, it wasn’t fair to tell them that they have failed. Every time I was suffering in the hospital, I know they have been crying too. From the day you are born to the day you move out to start to your own life and even after that, whenever you are stuck, you come looking for their advice, right?

THIS IS MY FAVORITE PORTION, THE LANGUAGE AND YOUR FLOW ARE PHENOMENAL

[Dev]

Thank you so much for your kind words. This is really a motivation for me.