New Year Dawn

A new year is creeping in,

On the back

Of a silent wind

Sitting up before the turn of the clock

Drinking beer

Accompanied with Baileys and ice

Watching classic horror films on the DVD

Because the TV offers nothing else.

This year's burial

The man who raised me as a son

The fights, the rows, but ultimately

The love.....

Moments,

Moments lost in another time

Moments,

That will upset me until I die.

Then the added negative of missing Matar

Once she returns

To Blighty's shores

Amber, friends, then there's you.

You......

God you

I'm finding it hard to write

Words,

Words that would justify

The extent

Of how I feel.

Days, that wheel out the mundane

Weeks that destroy our past

Months that account for nothing

Years spent apart that will stab......

A car speeds by outside,

I sit at the I-mac

Now, 

My only form of communication to you....

A street light blinks,

The silence returns

My heart bleeds remorse

It wriggles in discomfort

I haven't written lines

To anyone

For many a year,

Until now......

I want to know what you're doing

I yearn to know where you've been

I need to know who you're seeing

It pains to know its not me.....

A new year

Tip toeing in

Through the debris

Of an emotional mine field.....

It's a year to forget...

Aside from you....

Sipping the final remnants

The ice chinks the base of the glass.

Rubbing my scalp in disbelief

Of how my emotions have turned.

I don't know

If,

I can go the rest of my days,

Without knowing

What we could've been

Or,

What we may, or may have not achieved...

I sit back hard

On this chair,

With that ache,

That ache

That ache that will never fade,

That ache

That is rapidly becoming a wound,

A wound that seems to be gaping

With every new second passed,

A cut, an abrasion, a scar, that won't heal

A tear, a scratch, the braking of my Dam....

Forgive me for my words

Honesty is my new tact,

Yet,

We'll lie and deny until its too late

Regretful till the last......