If only his dog could talk

There’s a dirty old bugger

Works down the local pool,

There’s a dirty f*****g pedophile

Who wants to get hold of you.

He wears polo tops and trainers

That are stained and unkempt

And tries to conceal his fat belly

With tracksuit bottoms that expand.

All the girls are safe though

He won’t watch them with his eye

His preference is young boys

He’ll end up doing a stretch.

He preys on the vulnerable

Disabled are his choice,

He follows them round the changing room

In the hope of a quick grope.

As he’s a natural loner

Without any family or friends

His only companion is a mongrel

Full of ticks and fleas.

Now this animal knows his secrets

Bared witness to his perverse acts

He was tied to a park bench

While his owner cornered a child.

This poor youngster was afflicted

He couldn’t see, talk or hear

And the dirty f*****g pervert

Committed atrocious deeds

Unfortunately for the police though

The boy was to traumatized to speak

And their only living witness

Was the pervert’s hairy beast,

If only he could talk,

Was all that they could say,

If only the mutt could talk

We’d lock the b*****d away.