CHAPTER TWO

You know that feeling, when things happen so fast and you have to go back and think about them afterwards because you aren't completely sure what happened and why? That's how I felt, and it was far from a pleasant feeling. Everything was a blur. A complete, mixed-up blur. And I couldn't believe that my best friend had tried to kill herself. And I really couldn't believe that she didn't even think it through. First, I was sad. Then, I was fuming. Raging with anger. My best friend, who was the most optimistic, loving, selfless person you could ever talk to, tried to kill herself? I could feel Kellin's hand on my arm, trying to calm me down. He could sense my irritation just by looking at me and knew that I was one step closer to my breaking point. It was surprising that I hadn't reached it already, but I was more worried about Corrine than my own personal issues.

"Calm down, Mia. Let's just talk to her." Kellin whispered, squeezing my shoulder.

And that's exactly what we did. The nurse, Elizabeth, lead us to a room where Corrine was being held. It was one of those dreadful, hospital-blue padded rooms you hear about in movies. Nothing but padded walls. Padded floors. Padded ceiling. And a security camera in each corner, watching our friend with their blinking red lights.

Corrine didn't say anything. She just stared at us blankly, empty inside. Maybe she was confused. Wondering why she was still alive and stuck in that awful place. Her neck was bruised and swollen from where she tried to strangle herself. I still couldn't get past that. It was difficult for me to comprehend that this beautiful girl tried to commit suicide right in this very institution, and that was going to be the end of it. Dead. Gone. Forever. At least that's what she wanted, but Elizabeth had entered the room just in time to save her. All I could do was stare at her neck. Those sad, unsettling bruises seemed to hog all of the attention. And as much as I wanted it to disappear, that image of her has never left my mind since. 

I wanted to hold her, but she looked so rigid, like she didn't want to be touched or spoken to. And I didn't understand why, because I would want my friends to comfort me at a time like that. But she didn't. Even though she said she needed us. Maybe that was just something she said to make us feel better. And I still believe that she didn't really need us at all.

"Don't you ever do that again." I said. I was a little taken aback by those words, because I didn't realize that I had verbalized my thoughts until the three of them looked at me all at once. But I didn't stop talking, I rambled on a bit more as tears fell from my eyes and onto my cheeks and down to my shirt. "That was so f*****g selfish. You know how you felt when your dad did it, don't you? So why would you want us to feel that, too? How do you think we would cope if you were gone? Would you want us to end up like this? Here in this hospital, wanting to f*****g die? Because that's what would happen."

"Mia, don't --" Rachel started.

"No. She needs to hear this." I stated, wiping away tears as more came out. "Corrine, if you die, I die, too. Do you even get it? People care."

And she cried. It wasn't one of those weak, half-hearted cries, either, but a full, heavy, heart-wrenching cry. And she said she was sorry. That she didn't mean to upset any of us, but she thought the pain was too unbearable to handle. And she said sorry a lot more. And she hugged each of us tightly, because we were all inseperable friends who felt like we had no one else but each other.

Remember when I said that everything was a blur, and sometimes things happen and you just don't know why? This was one of those times. I made a promise that I could never break... to take my life if any of my best friends lost theirs, by any means. And they were all in on this promise, too. We referred to it as a suicide pact. And everything was all fine and dandy until I woke up the next morning and realized what I had done. What we had done. And what we had promised each other in that intense moment of emotions.

I know that I'm stupid. I can't deny that for even a second. We were all stupid. But you don't have to tell me that. I'm just a good friend who doesn't break promises.

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[janiksxxl]

I already said I have nothing to say. Just listen ( read this case). Maybe I should just not say anything...but I can't really submit an empty review. And if I can't submit a review, I can't put 100/100. And if I can't do that, I can't show that I care...