How Many Times Have I Died?

How many times have I died?

Was it four times? Five? Ten? Or more?

Was it something I could have controlled before,

When I still had the light in my eyes?

And will I ever regain who I used to be,

When I considered myself alive?

Will I ever come back from the lost lands?

Can I ever run, walk, or limp?

Can I escape the iron grip of fates' hands,

Blindly feel my way back to a glimpse of a past

That I've all but forgotten ever since?

Is it a light in the woods, a lantern in hand?

A passionate kiss from molten sands?

Footfalls after midnight,

Snapping twigs and crushing leaves,

A sliver of silver lining, beyond the shadow of a doubt,

No rhyme or reason to remain devout.

Sabotage and treason, long, freezing seasons,

Maybe the world is better without.

Pollute my spirit with toxic things,

Erase my existence again and again.

Chancre sores in the throat of the earth,

Traversed with time's own abandon.

Fate swings an axe at the trunk of life unending,

While death waits for time to give them permission.

In the end, will it all be for nothing?

In the end, what good thing will have been done?