Time is an Arrow and Life is a Target

Maybe, someday, you won't miss me

Maybe, today, you already don't.

But, forever, I will miss you,

Even if, right now, I think I won't.

I'm sorry for the times I've said I'm sorry,

When I did nothing wrong.

I'm sorry for the times I hurt you,

Even though these scars run deep and long.

I wish I could turn back time,

To weave my way through it's fabric

Back to before you died inside,

Way before we first met.

I'd save you, I'd love you, I'd hold your hand

I'd tell you everything would be okay, you'll see,

That life is full of possibilities, yours is priceless, and,

Maybe you'd let your own light be free.

And believe me, I'm trying to find a way.

It might take fifty years, or sixty, or just ten.

Maybe, one day, I'll find out how.

Maybe, that day, your life will start again.

But until then, I'll keep what remains,

Tatters, shreds, ashes, stains,

Shattered glass and broken chains,

Smoking rubble, smouldering embers,

Swept under a rug, a pile of cinders,

Glowing dimly in the vacuous dim,

A silence pervading a roaring din,

A malformed invitation to be let in.

A screeching, thrashing, clawing, biting thing,

In a soundproof room, kept away and apart,

Teething, ripping, fearing, screaming, tearing,

And scratching at the cage around my heart.

Reviews

[JayG]

• Maybe, someday, you won't miss me

Actually, I don’t miss you now. Why would I?

Seriously, your letter was touching, but it somehow got lost in the mail and was delivered to our writing group.

A suggestion. If this truly was intended for us, then address us, NOT that unknown person. Instead of providing your reaction to unspecified events, provide context for the reader, as-it’s-read. Make the READER react. Only then can it be meaningful to anyone other than you.

Remember, readers seek entertainment, not confession or complaint. They care, not at all, for how the author is feeling, only how the words make THEM feel, as-they-read. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

After being gone for two years you, came back and dumped two dozen "me, me, me" pieces at once, all of them you talking about things meaningful only to you — things for which no one but you has context.

But...even were the reader to know what caused your reaction, how many people here woke, today, with a burning desire to learn how you feel?

My point? You need to make the reader care and feel, not be more knowledgeable about your mood. And to do that you need the skills of poetry, not the report-writing nonfiction skills of our school days. You need to dig into the poetry skills they’ve been developing and refining for CENTURIES, and make them your own.

When you were last posting here you garnered few comments on your work. But that wasn’t because of how well you write, or talent. It was that your posted work was you talking about your response to events that you never made the READER react to. They were your reactions, provided without the cause of them, other then generically, and so, meaningful to you, but only words in a row for the reader.

So...since you want to write, and have something to say, make those words meaningful to others by acquiring the skills of the poet. Grab a copy of Mary Oliver’s, A PoetryHandbook. It’s an excellent first book, and filled with gold.

https://www.docdroid.net/7iE8fIJ/a-poetry-handbook-pdfdrivecom-pdf

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
~ Mark Twain

[Indra's Child]

Look Idk who your writing group is, and I'm not really trying to be a better writer. I'm a physics major. The only reason I've posted here since I was a child is because it's the only thing that keeps me sane, having some kind of documented history of my crazy life and thinking that when I die, if there is someone who cared about me, they can come here and figure out some answers to some of their questions.
And that, even if they don't, or if no-one ever cared, maybe someone would appreciate it for what it was: not poetry worthy of being praised for it's genius but rather scraps of a torn up person's soul.

The writing dump was done because I just got out of a longterm abusive relationship and I can start posting here again; I couldn't while I was in the relationship, and had accumulated a lot of "history".

[JayG]

• Look Idk who your writing group is

You're posting on it

• I'm not really trying to be a better writer

Clinging to ignorance isn't a virtue. You spent many years learning to write nonfiction in school. And now, you're not willing to read a single book on how to write poetry, yet expect your work to be seen as poetry? Seriously?

• The only reason I've posted here since I was a child is because it's the only thing that keeps me sane, having some kind of documented history of my crazy life and thinking that when I die, if there is someone who cared about me, they can come here and figure out some answers to some of their questions.

But this isn't a blog site, like WordPress. It's a writers site, where people share and seek comment on their work. And you did leave the comment window open. So...

No one will come here seeking to know your thoughts after death. Why would they want to, or even know it's here? Will the people who are treating you badly have any reason to WANT to look at your writing? If they ignore tr mistreat you in life, why would that change?

And in any case, they all say the same thing: Poor me..poor me..poor me.

Has it not occurred to you that by refusing to change you're the one perpetuating the problems?

You want to write poetry without bothering learning how it's done, and then expect people to read it and get the message you intend?

When I was a kid, there were times, when I was feeling sorry for myself, and said, "Soon, I'll be dead. And then, they'll be sorry."

But they wouldn't be, because I'd not earned their sympathy OR interest. Nor will those who survive you.

If what you are now isn't working, the answer is simple: make yourself into someone that YOU'LL like better. And perhaps, learning how better to express yourself is a first step. If nothing else, digging into the skills that the pros take for granted might be a welcome distraction from your concerns.

[Indra's Child]

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"You're posting on it"
_

I posted my writing on my own page, so I'm confused. Do you understand how this works? Or maybe I don't, could you give me a run down on how to post writing not to someone elses group?


_
"Clinging to ignorance isn't a virtue. You spent many years learning to write nonfiction in school. And now, you're not willing to read a single book on how to write poetry, yet expect your work to be seen as poetry? Seriously?"
_

Choosing a profession and still having a coping skill is not clinging to ignorance, it's just living life and prioritizing things in a certain way necessary to how that life is being built.

Again, I'm a physics major. And I didn't go to school at all from the ages of 10-18, and I didn't even live in English speaking countries, or even in the same place for more than a month. I never learned how to write in school. I've never taken any kind of writing class.
Being a physics major, what I'm focused on in school as an adult is math and my prerequisites until I earn my BS-T.
_
"But this isn't a blog site, like WordPress. It's a writers site, where people share and seek comment on their work. And you did leave the comment window open. So..."
_

Yeah it's okay to want to share your work, and my work is not a blog. And it's also ok to leave a comments window open. The majority of people I've met here are really nice and friendly, and I've made a few friends through the comments.

Sure, you can comment all you like, and I can respond and politely decline by letting you know it's just not something I'm interested in atm, and offer explanations for the things you are quizzical about and correct the things you didn't get right, but I'm not going to spend forever doing that either.

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"And in any case, they all say the same thing: Poor me..poor me..poor me."
_

Yeah, most of my writing is about negative emotions. Because it's how I deal with my trauma. It's an outlet. So of course it's full of self-reflection and negative emotions. Not all of it is though, fun fact. And a good deal of it is a POV thought experiment of many someone elses who I've known, if that makes sense. So while you're thinking it's all about me, actually quite a bit of my work is about other people.

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"Has it not occurred to you that by refusing to change you're the one perpetuating the problems?"
_

This seems like projection, or maybe just misunderstanding or misjudgement. I don't feel entirely equipped to handle this atm, ngl.

I will say I'm recovering from a lot of things, and I have never stopped changing my life, and trying to improve it, so accusing me of "refusing to change" feels really bizarre and a little uncanny.

So Idk, you don't have to read my work and it seems that you haven't read a lot of it that I've published here either, or maybe just understood it. So it's not for you? Ok, then don't read it. I am fine with that, even if I wasn't you wouldn't care so...? Sorry you came across a lot of it today in the "New Writing" segment. That should stop when more of other people's writing comes in, from what I understand.

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"You want to write poetry without bothering learning how it's done, and then expect people to read it and get the message you intend?"
_

I don't have a lot of expectations. But most people who have commented on my work here and other places don't misunderstand it entirely.

I just want to be able to use the site as intended. I don't care if you don't like it. It's not there to make you happy, no offense. It's just that it's there as a raw expression of myself.. And that's not to get people to like me, or hate me. I've already explained why I do this.

_
"When I was a kid, there were times, when I was feeling sorry for myself, and said, "Soon, I'll be dead. And then, they'll be sorry.""
_

Sorry you had times like this. I don't personally relate to the last part, but I've almost died plenty of times, and I've actually been pronounced dead two. So I can relate to that feeling of being close to death. If you ever want to talk to someone, I'm messed up but I can listen. Like, you'd need to maybe be a little more understanding towards me though, if you want that. But either way.

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"But they wouldn't be, because I'd not earned their sympathy OR interest. Nor will those who survive you."
_

This is just kinda rude? I'm not trying to "garner sympathy". If that's what you struggle with, ok, and that sucks, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean everyone else is doing the same stuff.

_
"If what you are now isn't working, the answer is simple: make yourself into someone that YOU'LL like better."
_

I do like myself, and I love self-improvement. It's not my fault my life has been hell and I have PTSD and I might be dying atm. It's not really much of a choice to be where I am, the healthy thing to do is to accept it and keep building.

And writing how I do helps me a lot, it's part of that whole self-care thing. I've been working with a therapist for many years now and this is something they've always encouraged.

Look, your advice seems to be coming from a good place. I'm not angry at you for commenting everything you did. I appreciate it. I also feel though that I should correct some things in case my reflection becomes me so to speak.

It's just that I don't have all the time in the world right now, and, again if you don't like the stuff I've recently posted, I wrote it in the throwes of an abusive relationship and I won't get into the details, but it was not conducive to a clear head.

Maybe one day I'll clean it all up, which I plan to do anyways, but less in the form of poetry and more in the form of fiction writing, which is something I plan on learning about once I am more established with a career and a stable place to live. Again, this all is just a record.

[Indra's Child]

Last comment I sent was way too long (TL;DR)
So:
In the future I might want to check out your reccomendations. However at the moment it is just not a priority. Maybe one day, when my focus shifts, my poetry will read more pleasantly.

Again, I really do appreciate your critique, sorry if I seem a bit blunt.. Thank you for stopping by.

[JayG]

Someone who didn’t have to, took the time to point out the obvious problems in your work, simply because it’s the right thing to do, and a "pay it forward" repayment of a Benjamin Franklin Debt.

No one says you have to take anyone’s advice. But railing against it being done is foolish.

You’re studying for a degree in Physics, a profession. But you can’t be bothered to study the basics of a profession you’re trying to practice right now? Seriously? You want to BE a writer without the bother of learning how to write? Doesn’t seem a well thought out plan.

• I've never taken any kind of writing class.

You say that like it's a point of pride...or an excuse. But, nor have I taken classes. Still I had the sense to invest the time it takes to learn the necessary skills. And as a result, I’ve sold my work to publishers of nonfiction, short and long-form fiction, and even poetry, though I am not a poet. And, the work I've posted here often receives multiple pages of positive comments. I also have 29 books on sale, have owned a manuscript critiquing service, and have taught at workshops.

You?

I gave you a link to one of the best books on writing poetry, one that has 1326 5-star ratings on Amazon. But you couldn’t be bothered to look at it.

As someone who designed logic for computers and computer systems for 40 years, I’ll just say, that what you say doesn’t compute, wish you luck with your writing, and, bow out. You can use the small X on each of my comments to delete them, and go back to believing that you’re writing poetry.

[Indra's Child]

1: I said I appreciate it (advice) multiple times

2: Never railed against it, but did defend myself and correct some assumptions

3: Never said anything like an excuse or a point of pride, more like... just a point. A fact.

4: If you've been successful selling poetry or writing of any kind, then great! Good for you. I hope your future remains prosporus. I don't see what you selling books has to do with my mental health exercises.

5: I don't read about how to write better poetry atm. Yes this is true. Again, it's just not my life right now? Do you get what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be a professional poet, so why judge me for not reading something that has no bearing on most of the things I'm doing?
I'm busy reading about Objective Collapse theories and vector space, not stuff on how to improve European styles of poetry.

6: "go back to believing that you’re writing poetry."

It's not really of importance either way how 'sellable' my poetry is, because right now it's about self expression, not refining the raw materials I am putting out there.

I have said that this is for me, for mental health, for self-expression, a kind of history, that one day I will refine it (given a chance). It's not simply a product to manufacture. And why would I care if you don't like it?

The things that I have sold I have never posted here.

[JayG]

• Do you get what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be a professional poet, so why judge me for not reading something that has no bearing on most of the things I'm doing?

Yes. You’re saying that you declare your work poetry, and must not be told that it doesn’t work, or given suggestions as to how to improve — even when it comes in the comments window that YOU left open.

You feel that because you don’t plan to write professionally you can make it up as you go, and the result still must be treated as a poem. In other words, you demand to be honored for intent, not accomplishment.

But here’s the thing: Had I praised the work you’d have accepted that without question. How can you not do the same when it’s not praise, and call yourself fair-minded?

You’re argument, that because you don’t plan to become a pro, and so, need not learn the basics of poetry would be more convincing if amateur physicists didn’t have to learn the basics of physics, and amateur knife throwers...

You’re making excuses, not giving reasons. And acting as though I gave you mandates, not suggestions and resources. You could have ignored everything I said. So, the very fact that you react so strongly, and cannot let go, in and of itself, says that you view any criticism as a personal attack.

Someone took the time to make suggestions. Accept, reject, or discuss them. Anything else is wasted time.

[Indra's Child]

Jay,

I appreciate that you took the time to provide feedback on my writing, and I understand that your intention is to help. However, I feel that the tone of your comments has shifted from constructive criticism to personal attacks and assumptions about my intentions and character.

To clarify, I never stated that my work must be treated in any specific way or that I must not be told it doesn't work. My point has been that I am not currently seeking professional improvement in my writing. I write for personal expression and mental health, and I share my work for those reasons. I appreciate constructive feedback, but I am not looking for it to the extent that it dominates the conversation or turns into a critique of my personal choices and life.

I acknowledge your achievements and respect your expertise in writing, but I am not pursuing writing professionally at this time. My focus is on my studies in physics and other personal priorities. I believe I have been clear about this, yet the discussion has veered into areas that feel more like personal judgments than helpful advice.

I would like to request that we end this exchange on a positive note. If you cannot respect my boundaries and continue to insist on unsolicited advice or make assumptions about my character, I will have no choice but to block further communication to preserve my peace of mind.

Thank you for understanding.

Best regards.