You're Killing Me...

...and the best part is, you don't know it...

I keep thinking about you.
Your eyes... no, the way you look when you're happy.
The way your hidden tears bleed into my mind when you're sad.
The way they betray you when you say one thing,
And you mean another... They just give it away,

The reason you smile like you do when you talk to me.

In a way, I just wish I could end this feeling.

Unrequited, mutually hidden, I wish I could just know.
Because we both know that even though we do have feelings,

We've got prerogatives. And responsibilities. And limits. And others.
And we've only known each other for less than half as long as we've known them.
And time is the only changing factor,

And it burns, deep, painful reddened wounds,
Smeltering into my flesh where I wish you were instead,

Gouging into my mind where I wish there were thoughts of anything else,

Anything other than you, 
Alternate from the driving urge to be near you,
Different from the thought of just closing the door and pressing my lips against yours,

Running my hands up and down your body, gently pushing you back against the wall.

Anything other than the pain I feel when you get deep with me,

And then walk away...
I wish I could walk away that easily, or to wake up from this dream I'm living in..

But I can't-
I'm indebted to you.
You've got my sense of interest in the palm of your hand.

You can do whatever you want with it, I'm addicted.
If you want, crush it. Stab it. Kill it. Do ANYTHING,
Anything other than keeping it alive,

Because it's killing me.
Luring me in like a junkie to the object of their affections,
Shutting me down from the inside out.
A little part of me dies every time I give parts of me to you,
In exchange for nothing but this feeling.
This, sometimes sick, nauseating feeling.

This unbearable, beautifully rich feeling,

This painful, embarrassing, awkwardness,

This must be what it feels like to die,

But it's worth it to feel alive...