Twisted Rose

Shades of gray

Colors gone

No sense of

Whats right and wrong

 

Petals cry

On my sholder

When I was supposed

To cry on them

 

Thorns going inwards

Stabbing them

Blood spurting everywhere

Crying out in pain

 

A heart unrevealed

A soul in pain

A girl who lies

With a twisted rose

Reviews

[Matthew Kult]

A lot of potential in this poem and it....in my opinion..has some hidden meaning to you, or value. You wouldn't have made it a feature otherwise. Or I could be completely wrong....who cares really...the point is quite simple. This is a good piece. It can be Better.

Shades of gray

Colors gone

No sense of

Whats right and wrong

This pulled me in immediately but then it went a little flat. You lost me a little

Petals cry

On my shoulder

When I was supposed

To cry on them

Something here kinda makes me cringe, and its not that you changed/abandoned the flow but more like you got "stuck"

You know what you wanted to say and lead with but....and I am not going to insult you by putting my version of the same poem up, it wouldn't have the meaning you wanted to portray. You pulled it all back in and I still enjoyed this piece.

and finally....stabbing them....get more in depth....piercing my skin.....stabbing my hope....etc etc....

Well done.

[KingPatwic]

nice poem - i liked the descriptive words that describe the situation