Fix my wrongs.

When will it be my chance to fix my wrongs.

When will it be my turn?

Or is it my turn and no one is watching.

Maybe they’re watching and just don’t care.

Or do they care but not enough.

Not enough to have any sort of sympathy.

For what the little one’s in my life or myself want.

No matter how much I beg and plead.

No matter ho much I’ve changed.

No matter what actions I show of difference.

The answers, for anything I ask for , always the same,NO!

Ive put much thought into it. 

Lots and lots of thought.

Of where I’ve went wrong, thing’s I’ve done.

Things that may have affected everyone’s life, including my own.

What I may have done to hurt or impact others.

In ways them or myself can never really understand. 

Can it be possible that even the imperfect me intimidates them.

Maybe the no’s I get aren’t to hurt or take away from me.

But to protect themselves.

From hurt, pain that they no longer want to go threw.

I don’t want to believe that it is out of spite.

Yet it’s hard not to think, imagine that it is.

When the words spoken and actions are the shade of black.

As I sit and think some more of the misery and heart ache,

All that I’ve caused, I cry.

I scream and all I want to do is hide away.

Erase what I’ve done, build a time machine and go back in time.

Either change what I’ve done, or not do it at all.

They say never regret what you do in life.

For when you did what you’ve done, at the moment it was done.

You made the decision and wanted to do so.

All you can do is learn from your mistakes.

Learn and change, fix your wrongs and not do it again. 

But what happens when it took you a while.

A while to stop messing up, to change, to ask for forgiveness. 

What happens when your doing all you can, you’ve changed.

You’ve begun to walk the right path, noticeable on its own.

No point of voicing your change to others, they can see it.

But still the one thing that you want the most, you can’t have.

Over and over again , No, No, No.

I don’t understand or maybe my wants are blinding me.

Blinding me from seeing why I can’t have what I want and from seeing what I already have. 

Reviews

[Itsdandammit]

Owning our own wanton destruction is huge for us. After revealing our own darkness, that blind selfishness that fills us just long enough to tear down and raze to the ground that which we love the most. But there are some wounds that can’t be forgiven. So deep that the mind shies away from even the thought of it. If we have shattered them enough, then all that is to be done is acknowledge, accept, hope and wait. Time is a great healer. Just gently remind them that you are here from time to time and wait with and open heart. Knowing and accepting that forgiveness may never come.

[Lyricalfairydust]

Being aware and learning to have honest and true acceptance to the reality of the fact that things aren't always what they seem or as you want them to be. Only then can you find true freedom. It was oneself all along that I was looking for, for forgiveness.

[light and ashes]

I can relate to the feelings expressed here. What happens when it takes you a while to change and to not mess up?
I know.....believe me.
How well do I know, but I am learning that the best thing you can do for yourself is just to move on the best you can, and not do those things again.
If others can not see the changes that you have made, no matter how big and monumental they are, well then (excuse my french) but f*ck them.
It is not up to them to judge you, and they have most likely have no idea what it is like to be in your shoes!

[Lyricalfairydust]

Thank you for taking to the time to read my writing and leaving a review. I have learned that the change only really matters to one self.

[light and ashes]

Maybe. You are welcome.