Hello L. My good friend Emma asked me to drop by and read your work. Ever so glad that she did.
this is a splendid introduction to your work. Fills my senses in a myriad of ways.
As a straight narrative the poem is easily followed as a heartfelt cry to the child in each of us to find our inner peace, to let go of all the cosmic noise that drives us to rage, self destruction and societal mayhem. Full of love, wisdom and cautionary advice.
On a more personal level, the poem took me back in time to my own youth. While reading I found myself thinking how my journey through life taught me the lessons you give here. Some as hard knocks, bitter regrets, and others more simply as the collection of insights one gathers through experience. While some say anger is an old man baying at the moon, I know better. The old man is simply griping over the bitter almonds of a life that hasn't unspooled the way he intended. Real anger, is the beast of the young. Incited to bring about change to all the cruel injustices we are born into. Over time we either learn to channel that rage into productive streams of thought, poetry for me, and I suspect you, that somehow make the world a slightly better place, or we end up in the dark hell of nihilism.
The true gift of any poet is to make a reader think, to transport them outside of the self to a place of worldly investigation. You have achieved that here, for at least one reader.
An excellent work of struggle in the darkness of your being, to find a way out, to find peace, to live again to breathe….. sometimes we all find ourselves trapped in our own minds, spirits…no where to go, to breathe….to stop hating ourselves….. and more times than it, we try but are defeated……sometimes it’s not our fault, but the fault of life, had knock’s because our world is vast and not comforting at all….. so we must make adjustments , strive to wipe away the black walls so that we can breathe once more…..very good and clear narrative
Warmly, B
I was asked to read this by my friend Emma. And I am glad she did because I can so empathise with this the subject of your prose.
Written, I could say beautifully, and it is, but also strongly and empathically.
This brings emotions to the fore. Personal and general. It is intelligent and thoughtful.
It is also disturbing and dark.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
1 Year Ago
Thank you for the review. I tried to be as realistic and true, as one could possibly imagine, in thi.. read moreThank you for the review. I tried to be as realistic and true, as one could possibly imagine, in this situation. Glad to know it was perceived as such.
The struggles of inner turmoil, self-destructive thoughts, the desire for release, and the battle against one's own demons. The recurring plea to breathe and the juxtaposition of moments passing with enduring heaviness emphasize the cyclical nature of such struggles. Ultimately, highlighting the devastating consequences of losing that battle. Beautiful piece!
A very intense yet relatable write indeed. It brought quite intense memories to my mind, but of something different more than likely of what was intended in your write.
At the end of April this year, I was suffering from a mystery illness, which basically stole my breath away from me, which has now been diagnosed and remedied, but at the time, all I could do was focus on breathing and hope there would be another one to follow.
It turned out to be a pulminory embolism (blood clot of the lung) brought about by long covid, but before it was diagnosed, I had suffered 8 or 9 attacks, which more often than not happened at night while I slept.
To wake up unable to breathe was a nightmare. Feeling I had just ran a marathon and couldn't catch my breath was a nightmare, not knowing what had caused it and not knowing if it would kill me was another nightmare within the nightmare.
Thankfully it has been sorted now, but on reading your write, I found similarities in your words, with "just breathe" and "focus" my new mantra, that helped me slow and eventually stop the panic in my mind that had been running out of control.
The trouble about being out of control, is that it always takes you by surprise, no matter the cause and although I have the medics to thank for diagnosing and treating me, I think that the ability you spoke of, to calm your mind and for want of a better phrase, to slow your roll, helped me get through something that was trying it's best to send my mind into losing the control I needed to get through it long enough to make it to getting the medical attention I needed.
When we lose control, it rarely gives you notice before hand so you can set time aside to deal with it. It is apon you and your only option is to get through the now, whatever way you can.
You conveyed this in your words so eloquently, which is something that escaped me and most likely everyone it decides to visit when it calls without warning.
The fact that you are here, able to write about this suggests you found your way through it too and I hope your days feel that much brighter for making it.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
1 Year Ago
Thank you for your review. It makes me happy to know that my writing reached someone in this way, in.. read moreThank you for your review. It makes me happy to know that my writing reached someone in this way, in a way I never even thought it would. My days are brighter than the sun on the clearest of days. May your days shine bright as well.
1 Year Ago
Glad to hear it, you're welcome and yes they are. 😊
Hello L. My good friend Emma asked me to drop by and read your work. Ever so glad that she did.
this is a splendid introduction to your work. Fills my senses in a myriad of ways.
As a straight narrative the poem is easily followed as a heartfelt cry to the child in each of us to find our inner peace, to let go of all the cosmic noise that drives us to rage, self destruction and societal mayhem. Full of love, wisdom and cautionary advice.
On a more personal level, the poem took me back in time to my own youth. While reading I found myself thinking how my journey through life taught me the lessons you give here. Some as hard knocks, bitter regrets, and others more simply as the collection of insights one gathers through experience. While some say anger is an old man baying at the moon, I know better. The old man is simply griping over the bitter almonds of a life that hasn't unspooled the way he intended. Real anger, is the beast of the young. Incited to bring about change to all the cruel injustices we are born into. Over time we either learn to channel that rage into productive streams of thought, poetry for me, and I suspect you, that somehow make the world a slightly better place, or we end up in the dark hell of nihilism.
The true gift of any poet is to make a reader think, to transport them outside of the self to a place of worldly investigation. You have achieved that here, for at least one reader.
An extraordinarily intense poem but in its own dark way, is said/laid in the most empathetic and sincere manner. Kudos, respect. More. Thje following lines have reached for a tissu:
' Your eyes are open but you see nothing.
You feel nothing.
Empty, cold , alone.
Why, how did you get here, what did you do to deserve this.
Nothing , the answer is nothing.
It's you, it's who you are.
Can't you see.
Understand, there's only one way to fix it.
Look deep inside you , '
Thank you for your review and taking the time to read my piece. This one was written for all the sou.. read moreThank you for your review and taking the time to read my piece. This one was written for all the souls that were lost and where never able to find their way back.
Like your poem Calm, this seems like a meditation as well. Very soothing and calming. Just wanted to verify- you meant "breath" and not "breathe" correct? Very easy going and peaceful piece regardless
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
1 Year Ago
Thank you again for your review and for the help correcting my grammar. Very much appreciated. I som.. read moreThank you again for your review and for the help correcting my grammar. Very much appreciated. I sometimes am writing so fast the thoughts in my head that I overlook these small errors. Will, have to learn to re-read more than once.
I liked this though. I've lived it. I'm not proud of that. But feeling helpless to change things causes depression. I would rather help others, but sometimes I feel like this as well. Its hell but I think you know that feeling.
Posted 3 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
3 Years Ago
Thank you, all fixed now. I sometimes get to writing and saving so fast, that I over look some thing.. read moreThank you, all fixed now. I sometimes get to writing and saving so fast, that I over look some things.
I liked this very much, and as a young teen who suffers with depression (not bad enough to ever deal with self destruction, though bad enough for me), this was nice to read, knowing others go through what you're going through (this is going to sound bad), and worse, just can make someone feel so much better.
Well done, you've accomplished something great.
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
4 Years Ago
Wow i have been away from my page for such a long while. Thank you for your review, very much needed.. read moreWow i have been away from my page for such a long while. Thank you for your review, very much needed and appreciated at this time in my life. I am now coming back into my realm of expanding my mind an releasing my inner self threw my words and allowing and bringing myself to write again. So again thank you for your review, It has helped me.