My twisted mind

looks like i unfortunately have a new muse.... my troubled home life

how twisted my mind must be right now

to want to simply go downstairs and practically beg my father

to do something, anything that would make me detest him more than i already do.

to want to be pushed to the point that i calmly say all the things

that will hurt him to simply get a taste of the unseen pain i have felt for the past 17 years.

to use dramatics to mockingly portray all of his past efforts as a father as he as done to me as a son.

how twisted my mind must be right now

after simply telling him how i can't even remember the last time I saw his smile of approval

or heard his invitation for quality time

and hearing in response, 

"If what i've done so far doesnt count, then I dont know what to tell you"

How twisted my mind must be right now

how stupid my hope must have been

to allow him inside my emotional space once again

knowing he would hurt me.

and knowing my love for him would make me hurt the love of my life.

How twisted my mind must be right now

to know that I might never be with her again

losing my father and my lover in the same week.

even though they can both speak

and yet I only listen to my heart, which tells me to run away, fly away,

or an even easier option, die away.

how twisted my mind must be right now,

to realize only after a broken heart and two drinks later

that I cant live without either of them

and would forfeit the gift if i lost even one.

without the hope of ever having a daughter or son, and showing them what a loving father aware of his emotions would have done

how twisted my mind must be right now

that i can only smile when i think of how mi amor

practiced writing her name with mine on the end.

typing a text, pushing the button named send

all for the sake of our strained relationship to mend.

hoping that our perseverance won't break but bend.

How twisted my mind must be right now 

to be willing to go to bed

with the hope of waking up dead

or even to see the dawn of a new day that will feature no heartbreak,

no suffering, no strife, or if nothing else, to hear the words spoken true,

"I just wanted you to know, that I LOVE YOU"

Reviews

[Emotiionsz]

i love poems where you can feel the pain from the words !!! truuuee poet!!

[mR668]

WOW!! I can identify with this write here on more subdue level! The pain emitted from each word is paralyzing, and the visuals you paint are chilling. This write here was undeniable & painful truth, that had to be told! BRAVO POET!

[Jason]

This is a really deep piece. I can feel the pain, and confusion in your words.

"How twisted my mind must be right now
to know that I might never be with her again
losing my father and my lover in the same week.
even though they can both speak
and yet I only listen to my heart, which tells me to run away, fly away,
or an even easier option, die away."

Great honest piece brother.

[Michaela Briggeman]

I felt like i could connect to this. This, this is amazing writing at its best. I mean, like woah. Really this is awsome! XD

[EvilAngel]

theres so much that's being said.usually you see writers gathering all their thoughts into short sentences but this is different and i like that.my favorite is the last stanza.basically, i love it!

[Marilyn My Bitterness]

I had to read this a couple of times to really let it set in. Beautifully written, and it's a little different then the majority of your poetry but still great. I can really feel the pain that you feel, and can sympathize with trying to attain something from a parent that will never happen. I guess for me, I just stopped trying. Thanks for sharing your poetry!