My medium brown eyes

my medum brown eyes look into yours

theyre two shades lighter than a hershey bar and yet seem to conceal 

a darkness behind them comparable to a black hole

They tell my story of intensity, pain, passion and love

you can feel them looking right through you while my mouth 

reminds you that I appreciate your exterior.

and even during small talk,

you can see in my eyes that I'm thinking, planning, choosing my words carefully,

and for some reason you are attracted to this dangerous combination of

intelligence, pleasantness, passion, and articulation with a hint of malice if provoked.

my eyes tell my story, but you can easily get lost because they never betray my thoughts.

so keep looking into my medium brown eyes, my two shades lighter than a hershey bar concealer of lies, and honestly tell me...

IF YOU REALLY KNOW ME

Reviews

[Shannon]

I'm not really sure how to go about critiquing this piece...But I'll try my best.

I feel as though using simplistic, blunt descriptions such as "medium" and "exterior" could have been substituted for words with a little more weight to them. I feel as though, with the proper intent these words could be used to imply a mundane and ordinary facade hiding deeper meaning, but it simply didn't come across as such if that is in fact what you were looking to do.
perhaps substituting medium with a different description such as "pooling", "never ending", ect. would help since I don't see the need to describe the color twice in this case. Sure if perhaps the eyes were truly the focus of the lines, and a little more word variety was expressed, but as of now it just doesn't work.

That moves us on to "I appreciate your exterior..." I hate to sound so harsh but If my significant there ever said that to me, I would probably feel very awkward. It's such a technical term, so cold and removed, and without any added soft description around it, it's just so forced and awkward.

Again, if you had truly emphasized on something more, such as the cold removal of the narrators emotion, I would have gone for it.

20/100- For some wonderful potential, but a lack of the ability I know you possess.
-Shannon

[Marilyn My Bitterness]

Maybe I don't.

[Dutch Jr.]

Great piece. Lots of emotion coming through these words.