Fading Light

Spending, shopping, pay day loans

binging, purging, all alone

On Tuesday I was on fast forward

By Thursday my eatings disordered 

Can't wake up, can't fall asleep

i eat and cry and cry and eat

Fixation, distractions, I can't concentrate

Ruminating over all of the things that I ate

Cried in my office, threw up in the stall

I've forgotten the tools I can't seem to recall

My energy's low and my hope even lower

last week flew by fast, but this week feels much slower

One day so productive, the next is a struggle

Responsibilities seem like so much to juggle

Motivation runs low and i cancel my hobbies,

I compare myself to all other bodies

I despise the mirror and my own silhouette,

I gave it my all, why am i not better yet?

I had sleep for supper, so I'd not lose control

the highs and the lows are taking their toll

I drive around aimlessly, weeding through thoughts

I can't regulate and I feel so distraught

The clasps on my mental health coming undone

but i'm trapped with this brain and there's no where to run

The mask beneath the mask, I always look fine

But i'm spiralling down, am I losing my mind?

recovery evades me as my moods cycle through

I need to see the doctor, before I'm unglued 

I dial the clinic during my lunch

"the doctors on leave til the end of next month"

You'll have to wait a bit, or see your GP

I hang up the phone and need a plan B

my brain is malfunctioning, where do I turn?

It's telling me to go, should I be concerned?

I dial the centre, to reach out for help

I'm missing the team and supports that I felt 

the voicemail picks up, I request that they call

but the days pass on by and I start to withdrawl 

my counsellor tells me that I can't be blamed

trauma has damaged pathways in my brain

it's scientific, the neurons misfire

If I want to get better i'll need it re-wired

no easy feat, old habits die hard, 

it's going to take time to erase all these scars

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Great rhyming in this one. I don't know if it's really autobiographical, but it pictures, as nothing I have read lately, the bind many find themselves in. The stress, the hurry, the worry and uncertainty are all there, coming at the reader in rapid fire fashion. Lie down, take deep breaths and count them. You need to slow down somehow.