Too soon

Hi everyone. I have lost someone dear to me this past month and all I have been able to do is write. This comes from the heart. And I would like to share it with you all.

It was not your time

You were gone too soon

So quickly none of us had a chance to say "I love you"
I am not sure if this pain will ever go away

For the pain of losing you is a pain that will always stay

Forever and ever until I join you in the sky

My heart will always hurt at the memory of not being able to say goodbye 

Your memory will always be held in my mind

Your voice, your smile, your laugh

Forever tattooed on my brain

You will never be just family

A cousin that made me smile and laugh

You will forever be my brother 

Your name forever engraved on my heart

But what gets me through the day is remembering that this is not goodbye 

For we will meet again 

As we spread our wings in the sky

Reviews

[emipoemi]

First off, my condolences. Those we lose often go too soon.

Second off, I love the structure of beginning with rhyme, making the middle of free verse and then coming back with a very lyrical rhyming finish. That is fantastic. What needs some tweaking, if you don't mind my saying, is the musicality (particularly at the start), for the rhymes have to land hard and the time intervals between each rhyme is important. Now, I haven't heard you read this aloud, so it might sound differently to you, but musicality itself is immutable. Once it starts with the first line or two, it's virtually consistent with only certain moments and circumstances where it's able to break consistency. And you'll be able to hear when musicality goes on too long. It sounds off. This has nothing to do with the charm and passion put into the poem (I'm not saying this is bad at all), but you could amp up the quality and passion of it by aligning the musicality better (and mostly it entails eliminating a couple of syllables from certain verbose lines). Second small factor worth considering is the free verse section, which overall reads beautifully, has some words repeated which don't need to be repeated, at least in the way you've done (referencing the repetition of "laugh" so far apart). Since you're writing in free verse, you could play with that section a bit more without risk of damaging the poem as a whole (unless the musicality wouldn't flow as well as it does right now through that section).

Take these comments as you may. I'm only giving my two cents about how to better your craft. The poem in itself is amazing, and truly this loss had inspired you. Well done!

[Lydia Maria]

Thank you every much for your comments. I am glad you enjoyed it and it is nice to hear a more experienced opinion.

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[Wondering Mind]

Loss of a loved one is never easy, my condolences.
I'm sure your cousin is smiling down reading your lovely, heartfelt write.
And, welcome to the Cafe'

[Lydia Maria]

Thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed it.