Chrysalis

A prequel to "One of Us," this short story tackled Eric's lingering fears as he leaves the hospital, of which he's been confined for years, and prepares to resume a "normal" life.

Eric may have figured that his life had come to an end once he left the hospital. The walk to the car was short and unmemorable. As the sliding glass doors shifted open, Eric made a mental note to breathe in this moment; to take in the first breath of pure non-recycled air, to take notice of the glint of the sunlight reflecting off of the lush green leaves flourishing off of the slim, bone-white trees separating each parking row at the front of the hospital.

Where do I go from here?

The question screamed in his head. For the past four years, he had studied with a private tutor who knew as much about teaching as she did curing his Harlequin Ichthyosis. Every weekday, in between his first, second, third and fourth scrub bath, Jessica would spend as much time with Eric not so much tutoring him in high school subjects that he should have been learning than talking to him about her childhood, funny things she saw on TV and samples of new songs she was performing at local talent shows. He never complained and, for that, was drastically left behind academically.

Am I going to be able to go to college?

Choosing a college had never even crossed Eric’s mind. It had been an aspiration; a dream that he figured would eventually fall into place for him at the right time. Now, at 20, Eric was full of anger. Anger at himself, anger at Jessica, anger at his peers who he had left behind at his last high school...

Focus.

The trees. The light. The air.

Forget it, he thought. Don’t be a drama queen. Too late. Eric’s mom popped the passenger side door open and dismissively threw all the folders and Indian scarves laying in the seat in the backseat. Eric slid into the seat while his mom rushed in front of the white Nissan Versa and made her way to the driver’s side. As she got comfortable in the driver’s seat and cranked the ignition, she called out, “Say goodbye.” Eric couldn’t figure out who she was speaking to.

“I’ve got a surprise for you when you come back home,” Eric’s mom teased. She glanced over at him, eyes raised. She wanted to perk him up. Eric smiled politely.

“Okay.” He took a deep inhale and cranked off the A/C, which was on full blast, and held his arms together while slipping his hands in his long sleeves.

His mom pouted her lip. “Are you cold?” She hesitantly began rolling down her window. A warm, comfortable breeze gently blew into the car. Eric didn’t answer. He felt deflated.

“Eric?” His mom’s concern was forceful. “Honey, what’s wrong?” A panic began to creep in her voice. She quickly shot a hand and grabbed his shoulder. Eric shook his head dismissively and nudged it off.

“I’m fine...”

“Eric -” his mom began.

“Mom, I don’t want to go home.”

Eric’s mom immediately pulled onto the side of the road and stopped the car. “Honey,” her eyes peered at him like lasers. Her mouth quivered in fear. “Do you need to go back to the hospital?”

Eric gave an exasperated sigh. “I told you, mom. I’m fine.” Eric slunk into his seat, staring downward, arms still clutching themselves.

“Honey,” his mom threw her hands up in the air and shook her head, “Tell me what’s wrong. Do you not feel well? What?”

Eric mumbled through a half-open mouth. “I just don’t want to go home.”

Eric’s mom paused for a second. She stared at him for a little bit then pulled out her cell phone from her purse wedged on top of the emergency brake. There was a short pause after she punched a couple of buttons and held it up to her ear. “Honey,” she started, “We’re gonna be a little late. Maybe a few hours even.” There was another short pause. “I’ll explain when we get there.” Pause. “Honey, not now. Trust me.” Pause. “Okay, bye.” Eric’s mom breathed a small sigh and tossed the cell phone back in her purse. She was looking straight ahead at the road. She gave a large gulp and placed her hand gently on Eric’s thigh and squeezed.

“Alright, where do you want to go?” Her voice shook as she said it. Eric tentatively glanced up at her. She looked like she was holding back tears.

“Can we go to the mall?”

Without saying anything, Eric’s mom pulled the automatic stick shift into ‘D’ and pulled back onto the road. They drove in silence for a while before Eric’s mom finally cut it. “Parents aren’t perfect. I’m sorry.” She gritted her teeth together and pursed her lips again in anxiety.

Eric shrugged his shoulders. “It’s okay.” Now he felt guilty, but he couldn’t help feeling embittered towards her, too. “I’m just always sick to you.” Eric lifted his head and looked out of the passenger side window at the roadsigns and the metal blocks that supported the guardrail whizzing past them in a blur. “That’s all you think I am, just sick.”

“Don’t do that!” Eric’s mom shot. “I worried about you every day. I’ve wanted you to get better to come home again.”

Eric gave a disgusted huff. “See, there you go! You don’t get it. You just did it again. It’s all about me being sick. What about everything I missed out on? Or the things I want to do? Or being lonely? I’m not just a sick kid, mom.” Eric’s mom shook her head furiously, refusing to acknowledge what Eric was chastising her about. Eric gave an impatient huff. “I want to be around people.”

“You need to take a bath soo- ,” his mom quickly started.

“I’ll scrub harder later,” Eric cut, a little louder than he intended. “I just want to go to the mall.”

Eric’s mom pressed her lips together and gripped the steering wheel. She blinked a few times, dazed. It wasn’t until they turned onto the freeway that she finally spoke up again.

“We threw you some great birthday parties when you were young. Everyone in your class and the neighborhood wanted to go to your birthday party. Remember when we held it at the ice skating rink?”

“Yeah,” Eric mumbled dismissively.

“You still keep in contact with everybody, right?” Eric’s mom cocked her head towards him slightly, keeping her eyes on the road.

Eric licked his dry, cracked lips. “Not really. I committed Facebook suicide a couple weeks ago.”

“You - what?”

“I deactivated my Facebook account.”

“Yeah?” Eric’s mom spoke gently, “Why’d you do that?”

Eric shrugged his shoulders. It was a strenuous movement, as if he was pushing against something weighing him down. “Mom...” He trailed off at the incredulation that she was so dense, “Everyone’s in college. They’re gone. They’re always posting pictures of the things they’re doing, the parties they’re going to, internships, visiting their family on the holidays. I IM them... We don’t have anything to talk about except for things we used to do before I got sick.” Eric shook his head sadly. “It’s embarrassing.”

Eric’s mom’s voice was firm. “Do you want to go to college?”

Assuredly, Eric said, “Yes.”

“Do you know what you want to study?”

Eric opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Eric’s mom reached out and squeezed his thigh again and shook it gently. “I know you think I’m out of the loop, but you aren’t a loser if you don’t go to college.” She paused. “I’m mad as hell at that tutor of yours. You, at least, need a high school education, so we already signed you up to get you into a GED program. Anyway, if you want to go to college, fine, but don’t do it because you’re feeling left out.” She paused again. the hum of the tires on the road vibrated through the small car. “The world hasn’t passed you by.” Her voice cracked at the last of it. She quickly reached up and gently stroked the back of Eric’s head. Tears began to quietly stream down her face.

“Don’t be scared,” she said, through her sobs.

At this, Eric began to cry himself.

Eric’s mom reached down and clutched his hand. He took his other hand and rested it on their interlaced grip. They drove the rest of the way to the mall like this. When Eric’s mom finally reached the Salem Center Mall, she pulled into the first parking space she could find near the front of the food court. Eric gulped to wet his throat. “Thanks, mom.”

She squeezed his hand and smiled tenderly at him.

“Your life isn’t over, Eric. We’re going to find another way for you. There are a lot of other ways. This isn’t the end.” She opened the driver’s side door and rushed over to Eric’s passenger side to open the door for him, but he had already lifted himself out of his seat and was standing waiting for her by the time she got to him.

He held her hand as they walked towards the mall entrance.

“It was actually a good idea that you chose the mall.” Eric’s mom said cheerfully. “I want to buy some new outfits myself.”