What Should Have Been

A story of internet love. The one's that love, yet can't.

The traffic was brutal. All the stops, starts and stalls only gave me more time to think about us. I felt excited, eager and strangely nervous about seeing you for the first time; five years we had waited for this moment. At the boarding gate we ran into each other’s arms, our first moment together was momentous. No longer were we digital images on a screen, but the product of a dream come true. My pulse quickens as our eyes meet and your lips come towards mine; I am bubbling with joy. You kiss me lightly and tenderly, I turn my head a little grinning with excitement. There is a second kiss, a more intimate experimental kiss, then another we engage in a probing kiss with mounting desire, drawing stares from passers by.

 

"Oh my goodness I thought this day would never come!" I drew back to take a good look, then hugged you tight again swaying like our first slow dance was taking place.

 

Outside a storm was brewing. The sky turned murky and gray and the wind picked up blowing hard and steady. Bolts of lightning streak across the dark gray sky; a loud clap of thunder ushers in the first drops of rain.

 

"Welcome to America babe." I said, slapping you on the thigh as we drove toward the hotel room. The rain was pelting down in torrents as the temperature fell. By the time we made it to the hotel room the cold wet rain had soaked through our clothes.

 

There is a strange seductive, come-hither smile on your face. It captures my attention and without taking our eyes off each other, we approach slowly. You unbutton my blouse revealing what was underneath and I unbutton your shirt. No longer can I hear the storm raging outside, only the pounding of my heart in my ears. You peel my blouse off with confident hands; I do likewise with trembling hands. Gathering our sights we are pleased with what we see.

 

I tenderly placed my hand on the side of your head where I lean into your mouth, softly and seductively my tongue traces your lips. Your tongue glides in and around my mouth exploring while your hands search unknown areas.

 

“I have wanted you for so long.” I whisper in your ear as tears of joy well in my eyes. An anxious hand finds its way along your neck, across your chest and to your stomach muscles. Once between your legs I linger and we both moan with desire. All other clothing is removed; the passion cannot contain itself any longer. Falling onto the bed, we make love for the first time; an explosion of ecstasy took place that was like no other.

 

Rolling over on our side, still in your embrace, hearts pounding, breathing erratic and bodies completely spent, I whisper, "I love you, I love you and I love you" just like I always have. This time the words fell on warm receptive ears. Outside the storm continued to rage, thunder reverberating all around, but inside we are warm, dry and laughing contentedly, not like the cold and lonely desolate nights of before.

 

Lying in each other’s arms, we did nothing but smile and stare into each other’s eyes. The feel of your breath against my skin was a thrill, along with the touch and taste of you. I reached up fingering the lobe of your ear trying to say I love you again because it was never enough. My voice caught and tears came again; you gently put a finger to my lips to stop the words. My chest rose as I took in air to say what was on my mind. Your finger pressed harder on my lips and you whispered softly shhhhhhhh…my eyes dimmed as your love took over. Your luscious lips replace the finger and we are thrown into another world again.

 

Being with you is so different, it is everything I imagined it would be. In our first astonishing moments of discovery, all mystery was revealed, in spite of all we had been through, we were a delight with each other...

 

Buzz!

 

The IM brought her back to the realm of reality, damn how she hates that.

 

Buzz!

 

"I'm here" the laptop screen came to life with words again.

 

“What are you doing?"

 

“I was dreaming of you, sweetness."

 

“Am I still frisky as I was forty-nine years ago?"

 

“You sure are, baby.” A lone tear makes its way down her cheek, a trembling hand wipes it away, but there are more waiting to follow.

 

“This will be our year…I promise you."

 

“I know.” Sarah grabbed a tissue to help with the flow, trying so hard not to blow her nose. There was a fast sinking grab in the pit of her stomach as a wave of nausea took hold. She heaves twice.

 

She thought that after forty-nine years of internet relationship she would cease caring, but all that happened with every passing year was another bud on the rose bush of love blossoms. Continents apart, different cultures, not to mention a language barrier and decades in age difference; yet year after year love held us together. Several times a day, phone lines were hot with our love flowing through them. Countless hours of internet time, the many webcams, all held their love for the day of togetherness.

 

The loveliness Sarah carried into her old age camouflaged as death lurked in her bedroom, her complexion waxen, her flesh cold and clammy making her look paler than usual.

 

“Stay with me, baby, are you there?"

 

Buzz!

 

“Stop that honey.” The strength drained from her, as her vision blurred from more gathering tears.

 

“You still ok there, baby?"

 

“I'm good, I have you here, my sister Tina is watching every breath I take, not that she will watch many more. God will send someone special to take me home. Just can’t wait to see who that will be. I hope I like them…Lol"

 

“I know you will. I want to see you.” He said softly. “Please, honey."

 

“Baby." she said.

 

“I know, we talked about this.” answering his own question.

 

“Honey, I do wish I could have one kiss before I go. Daydreaming of loving you is one thing; experiencing it would be another. Did you even think that forty nine years later we would still be doing this? We have loved a long time baby, since 2007 I believe. Death may claim the ultimate separation, but I am just a breath away from victory. I will collect my kiss then.” She lifts two fingers to her lips placing the kiss she always gave on the tips. A quivering hand reaches for the screen and gently rubs her fingers along the outline of Sam’s lips.

 

BRB… She closed her eyes and again felt a fresh wave of pain, her chest rose heavily and fell, she gasped stricken with pain and fell limp.

 

The grocery line was long, people were hot and hostile through standing, tired and shifting from one foot to the other, waiting on the person who unloaded her cart at the express lane, but was not express lane qualified. You once said to me, “Put those words back in your mouth.” I had a visual at that moment thinking about the words people around me needed to put back in their mouths. I laughed hard and loud; I couldn’t help it. The hostile crowd turned to me when one woman opened her mouth to...

 

Buzz!

 

“I’m here, thinking about something you told me once. You still make me laugh." She manages a half smile.

 

“What was that, babe?"

 

“Oh, it is not important now. As I was saying, promise me never to settle for mediocre. We did baby, not that I have regrets. If we had sacrificed a few months without talking we could have been together long ago. I’m sorry I couldn’t go that long without you.” She chokes back a hurtful sob. “You move on and get a life while you still can. This time find someone you can crawl into bed with at night” her eyes blurred with more tears as with that thought, a different pain pierced her heart.

 

“I know mama, I have one picked out already."

 

“Why does that not surprise me? You better had better wait till I am cold anyway,” LOL. She closed her eyes as a hard lump raised in her throat.

 

“Baby, I'm taking your love with me. You are my true soul mate, I love you so much. Just as much as I did when we found each other. I told you I would live until a hundred; Even give you a bonus of two"

 

The air she tried to gather was sapping all her strength, her breathing eratic again, her green eyes close as if by doing that the pain would lessen. Her lips part in a fake smile and strength went out of her arms as she laid fingers softly and unknowingly on the keyboard.

 

A chill from the cold fog swept through me as I walked slowly toward you. You were unusually silent and seemed lost in a private thought among a crowd of people. ‘Loner’ was how you had described yourself to me one day. We spy each other, your body language changed and your focus improved.

 

The fog was thick enough to wet your black hair, plastering it to your forehead; a tiny shiver went through me. For a second you didn’t look familiar but then a smile crept over your lips and all my doubts vanished as if the sun had lifted the fog. Our lips met, the kiss deepened, scattering any further doubt. You grab me and your mouth covers mine. An instant blast of heat slams right through me...

 

Buzz!

 

The way your lips fit mine, the glide of your tongue, I could spend hours feasting on your mouth alone. The magic I find there…

 

Buzz!

 

“D****t! Baby, I'm here…you are messing up my dreams. Maybe you had better call now honey…my arms are tired." Within seconds, the phone rang. Weak wasted fingers push the speaker button.

 

“Hi Baby. You sick of hearing that yet?"

 

“No baby…never, I miss you so much.” Sam's voice chokes up before he finishes the sentence.

 

“I miss you more.” The battle of who loved whom, and who missed whom would end with a question mark.

 

“No baby I can’t say that. Soon I will never miss you again. I know when I get there; you will be waiting for me…I can’t wait. Time does not exist in heaven, that would have surely saved you a lot of misery here on earth." They both found laughter in that statement.

 

“I might not have you on earth, but I know I will have you in heaven, I will grab you and...

 

Her voice trailed off quietly. She made as if to rise, when a gasp escapes her restricted throat. The panic spread, freezing her heart, ending with a soft whimper.

 

I love….was all she heard as she faded from reality for the last time.

 

Buzz!

 

Buzz!

 

Buzz!

 

No response came. A long and painfully tense moment followed. With tears rolling down her face, Tina opened her mouth to speak when a gunshot rang out over the speaker. Tina jumps; putting fingers to her upper lip and quickly dials the phone.

 

“Nine one one, State your emergency."

 

“I need to report a death and a suicide."

 

Covering the mouthpiece with her hand, tears in her eyes, Tina whispers to her deceased sister, “Hold on sissy, he is coming." She sobs out a forced laugh, confident of a loving reunion in heaven.

 

Later, Sam was found dead sitting at his computer desk alone in his one room apartment on the other side of the world. There is a single gunshot wound to the head.

 

Meanwhile, outside the bedroom, somewhere along the realms of heaven, a long awaited marriage was in progress; it was the marriage of what should have been.

Author's Note

This is how I view internet relationships....I don't

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

This is a very well-crafted but sad story--so indicative of the dual nature of the internet. It opens up fantastic opportunities for both good and bad. I'm such an idealist sometimes, but it seems to me that a way should be found to bring people together who love one another. It needs a little editing--I saw where you used "alone" instead of "along," and such things as that. Another good one, Linda!

[Sophie]

Wow, that was very, very saddening. This story is full of emotions, and it really has an affect on the reader.
I can feel all the emotions in this as I read it.
It's strange, though. I just read an extremely optimistic poem by you, now I am reading this bleak (in a good way, I assure you) story. I applaud you for being able to go to two extremely different emotional extremes.
Also, I feel like I could relate to this, because I feel similar about internet relationships.
Great job! I can't wait to read more.

[krishna]

Thanks for the welcome Linda and congrats for the writers badge. This story shows that you are an excellent writer. I know you are happy today

[Alias Fletcher]

As romantic love affairs, long distance relationships loose some of the most important parts of loving. The human need for skin on skin is impossible. The simplicity of just sharing space is lost too. And if you happen to have a fight, it is difficult to make up.

On the other hand, loves that are not so romantic, can be quite inspiring. I think of it like building a fire. A small flame flickers, but with the encouragement of a good friend, blooms into a blaze. Thus each, excites and enhances the energy of the other.

* * *

I am a sci-fi fan. A story I've written deals with (tries to) the possibility of a sort of man made ESP. Such discovery seems not so far in the future. People I talk to about this concept don't think they would like their lover to know what they were thinking or touching.

Anyway, wonderful, but sad story, charly

[Frankster]

If I didn't know any better I would think you were looking into the future with a bleak outlook. Think positive Linda. There is a silver lining to everything, sometimes you just have to pursue it. Not all things in life are easy, sometimes you have to work at it. Just hang tight and you will see, no one in the world loves you more than me.
On the downside, you could knock up the emotion a notch or two, correct the misspellings, and bring in more clarity. You are trying to condense a lot of information in a very short time. Tighten it up some.

[Victoria Harlequin]

This holds so much emotion! It was saddening to me, but it was still great.
I've felt pain before, hopefully I'll never have to experience something like that.
I have to admit, at first I didn't want to read this, but I'm SO glad that I did.
Fantastic job!!

[John A Common]

I'm sorry Linda my first post did not go through. Okay I think this is a great story. It is wonderfully sad. I like the internet part most. It seems to me that you are also talking about the more we are on line the more we seem to lose touch with reality. Very nice write.

[Jessica]

Is this for real, or story time. Nice job!

[~Mariposa Una Lila~]

i love your story, sounds a lil like me, im hoping to see someone, but they never come....sigh......
i loved this and enjoyrd the read, very real very sad, well done suga! x0x0x0x00

[maria valentine]

wow ur good i liked actually reading for once

[Dms]

Wow...I only stumbled upon this by chance, but I'm glad I did. I may be young, but I can definately understand this sort of pain. This had a very tragic flavor to it.
As for editing, I would give this a once over and look for changes in tense. In alot of paragraphs you use past and present tense back to back, and it can be a little confusing. I also had a little trouble identifying the speaker in some parts. A little more clarity would help this story along.

As Shakespear wrote, "The course of true love never did run smooth."