Careless

I love with no regard to consequence,
Until my heart is broken and it's too late.
I trust without first carefully paying attention,
to the signs as they are presented.
Because those who truly listen,
Are the best at comprehension.

Happiness evades me,
So I search for substitutions.
I search and I temporarily find sustenance
whether it'd be a person
or an inanimate object.
but once my muse is gone,
I'm left with the empty feeling of loneliness.

I have no patience for people
Thier existence so trival.
I always assume the worst from them
so I never get my hopes up.
Once you've let me down,
I keep count,
and cut all emotional bounds.

For years I have been lost
My heart becoming cold
like winter's frost.
My nativity has cost me pain,
I have yet to learn how to distinguish
or getting my timing on life decisions correctly.

Therefore I keep people at arm's length
Because I know
they all will shatter me to pieces
one of these days.
Without hesitation
Without a moments notice
I grow bitter
And distant.
Telling myself that being alone
is always the best antidote.

I now love with heed to consequence
With nearly no self sacrifice
What you do not risk for me
I dear not attempt.
I no longer trust fully.
taking notice of when it's time to take leave.
I keep a record, always remembering
and paying attentions to actions and signs around me.

I cause my own happiness,
I do not search for it anymore.
Lost, is a state of confusion
I control it, or at least how to get out of it.
If people hurt me
I can choose to get even
or something else handle it.

I have patience
not because others are deserving,
But because I need not the added frustration.
My skin is thicker
and battle scars of where I have been
I am not devalued
I am still me
and stronger than I was yesterday.