Just. Not. Her

I had gotten better at putting up a front. To him, to myself, to everyone. And for the longest time because I kept doing it I figured that it was true. That I really was done. But even then a small part of me knew that there will always be a part longing for him. With the same intensity and passion. There will always be a small part of me that wants nothing more than to be his like she is. Today when he told me, his best friend, that this was it. He was with her now. I could feel my chest break into a million pieces. I could feel myself lose the front I had put up. In that moment all I wanted to do was get away from him. Not out of hatred but out of fear that he'll know that it wasn't all true. I wasn't truly done. I don't know what hurts more. The fact that he's with someone or the fact that he's with her. I think it's the latter. For his sake I pretend to be happy and excited about this but in reality, all I want to do every time I see her is bash her skull. I can never accept her as his. Maybe it's a cruel thing but I hope they don't last. I wish from every cell of my body. Like I once wished he was mine, I wish he's never with her. Anybody but her. I hope he finds someone that actually appreciates him. Someone that isn't toying with him. Someone who loves him for everything that he is. Not that manipulative conniving b***h. I don't know if my friendship with him will last. Maybe we'll be done in a few months or days even. It's not predictable. Nothing with him ever is. But I hope that he finds someone better than her. Someone that deserves him and accepts him. Anybody. Just. Not. Her.