Disconnect

A poem I wrote way late at night last night. For "The Thing's I'll Never Say" contest. :) ~Aura

You must disconnect

I tell myself that
Every day
Every hour
Every minute
And generally
It works

But sometimes I find myself
Lying in bed
Mulling over everything
Every fabric of my life
As though it were a puzzle
That needed to be put back together
With the utmost precision
And so I’ll think of all my regrets
All the he-said-she-said
All the things I’d rather not said
Or thinking of that boy
(Or thinking of that girl)
Who’s lost to me
Distanced because of
The voices in my head
And that’s when I whisper to myself

Disconnect?
Disconnecting...
Disconnected.

My eyes glaze over
Infinitely seeing a thousand miles
My mouth freezes
My lips parted slightly as though wishing
To tell the world
To shut up
My head tilts to the side
Like I’m forever curious
And my body becomes loose
But immovable

My friends ask me what’s wrong
I calmly reply nothing
Absolutely nothing
I’m lost inside myself
I feel nothing but what’s in my head
My prefect head
Where I have someone perfect
And a place that’s just right too
Every single moment is just perfect
And I feel very little

I feel not guilt
Nor regret
Nor remorse
Nor angst

Not suffering
Not terror
Not hate
Not envy

Nothing at all
Or at least
Nothing like that

I feel what I want
Pleasure
Love
Happiness

The stuff I shouldn’t have to
Disconnect to get
But I have to
My friends are a lie
They are not best friends
They are not best anything
Just there
Like talking sacks of meat
Only used to fill emptiness
Not succeeding at all
And as I disconnect I think
When did “friends”
Become such an empty word?

But even when I disconnect
I find I still have hope
In the material world

I hope that one day
Someone I love
Truly care for
More than “best friends”
(Whatever that means)
Will see me
Unmoving and disconnected
And just sit next to me
Don’t touch me
Don’t talk to me
Just sit next to me
Be near me
And disconnect with me

(Maybe our frayed,
Disconnected wires
Will come together
And we can connect again
This time to each other)

Author's Note

Is this one as weird and completely insane as it sounds to me? x'D ~Aura

Reviews

[A.G]

When did 'friends' become such an empty word indeed. A very through provoking poem, my favourite kind

[Just Jayren]

This is really well written. You've managed to simplify the story you're telling with compromising the body of the poem. Very emotive, I'm impressed

[Sashalee]

wow thats deep. great poem :)

[brightestday]

Heavy stuff for a 14 year old. Pretty interesting, though. 'Just there
Like talking sacks of meat', is a very blatant, lucid line; my favourite. I think you've struck a balance between blunt statements of how you feel and poetic expression very well. I enjoyed reading it.