Depression , abuse and pain

This is what i feel everyday

i don,t have name for this poems but do i really need a name to say what i feel

Everyday I put on a smile & a fake face.

I go to school, I laugh& learn. 

Home calls me at the end of the day, I work and act normal.

But when i'm alone and my true self, I find that none of these things are true. 

Inside, the real me is cold and dark.

 I have no thoughts of light or happiness, everything is gone and i can,t feel or think. 

I tried to ignore all the pain & hurt.

 I tried to be happy and free But the dark clouds pulled me down & consumed my heart into destruction......

You wanted me to be your little girl
You wanted me to see you as my world
You wanted me to be all I could be
I wanted you to open your eyes and see

The bruises on my arms were not love
The pain in my eyes was not relief
Blood stained the white feathers of the dove
And she did not mourn, but she grieved

My childhood was dust in the wind
By the time I was four
It was over with
The moment you shoved me into that door

But Daddy, I am sorry
I am sorry I wasn't everything you wanted
I am sorry I made you mad
I am sorry for being so bad

I took the beatings for my brother
because you didn't see he had already given up
I carried the burden of pain for my mother
because you didn't see she was already shriveled up

Please God, set me free
Take these bruises from me
Please take away the breath of life
Oh, God, let me drop this knife

Heaven cannot set me free
It is not ready for me
I have suffered much in this life
but help does not come in the form of a knife

I will live
I will breathe
I will stand tall
And for myself, I will not fall

Reviews

[Roger Turgeon]

Very tragic and moving at the same time. Today someone said to me the way to the past is to move forward. I hope you move forward enough to get to a time when none of those things happened.

[Mockingbird]

you must be the strongest girl i've ever encountered. i guess the only thing you can do is deal with your pain by indulging in all the things that bring you joy, like all of your talents and expressing yourself through your art as therapy. i won't tell you to get the hell out of there, because it's easier said than done. stay strong.

[Arrinae]

I think a good title for this poem would be A Reason for Determination. It is very well written, but I agree with the others. You need to find away to get yourself, your mother, and your brother to safety. My husband was in a similar situation with his own father. He managed to get out of it and was still able to live a normal life. Sometimes all you need is a good friend that you trust enough to share it with.

[Mizuki Yoshida]

you are right but if my older brother could not get us to safety , then i don,t i think i can but i will try

[Mizuki Yoshida]

Thank you all and don,t worry about me , am a strong girl and every thing that i gone through made me stronger but everything is getting better little by little , i just have to stand tall and i will be okay

[icelandicblue]

This poem is very personal and very painful. I hope that writing it helped you. The only advice I can give you is to seek help. It is out there and it can help. Don't do this on your own.

[Mizuki Yoshida]

thank you , don,t worry about me , am a strong girl and with everything i have gone through i get stronger and stronger so i will okay even with nobody help

[Aunre]

I would like to say it gets better but sometimes it doesn't. It get's worse. But, there is hope - for what that's worth and you seem to have said that determination counts for something, "And for myself, I will not fall." That's got to be a good investment. There is courage and a sense of selflessness too and empathy for those around you. All in all I think I see someone that is made of sturdy stuff and can weather the storms when things get rough. Thank you for sharing, Mizuki.

[Mizuki Yoshida]

Thank you , you are right life does get better and am not saying my life gotten so much better but it haven,t gotten worse than it already is but maybe someday it meant and i will live to see that day

[Jeremy V Chiew]

We each have our own stories of pain and suffering which, while making us unique, also gives us a relatable avenue and allows us to understand each other's pain. This piece was lovely from an artistic point of view...but rather worrying from a friend's perspective...

Personally liked the rhyming pattern and also how this piece was able to pull me back into my own past miseries. It was a great read, thanks for sharing.

[Mizuki Yoshida]

Thank you and there nothing to worry about , everything that i have gone through make me stronger and am very proud of my work and am glad others are too and even care for a girl they don,t even know i wonder why

[Jeremy V Chiew]

Sometimes, there isn't a "why". Let's just say you remind me a lot of myself and I care about a girl I don't even know because it seems to me like she's going through stuff that I went through alone...and I guess also because I wanna to be a friend

[Mizuki Yoshida]

am really glad both of you like it, am the kind of person who write from my heart and what i feel so am very proud of my work

[zainul]

I feel very sad to learn about your sufferings.
I also appreciate your patience and tenacity to rise again.
I adore your determination echoed in the following lines:
"I will live
I will breathe
I will stand tall
And for myself, I will not fall"

[Mizuki Yoshida]

Don,t be sad for a girl you don,t know but thank you so much

[zainul]

You are always welcome.

[Chaos_Collector]

Your first poem really hits home with me Mizuki. I often feel that way and describe daily parts of my life vividly. Your second poem was also a heartfelt piece. I could almost feel your pain, grief, and sadness. . Beautiful work

[Mizuki Yoshida]

Thank you ,is all i can say

[Chaos_Collector]

You're welcome