Lost [Sequel to Let Them Trickle]

All hope is lost. All love is lost. And you are just increasing my misery.

The priest was at the chapel, taking care of his usual routine prayers and other work. It was then when he heard a familiar sound, one that he didn’t hear so often but knew it well enough to be sure of what it was. Turning his head to its direction, he knew that he was correct.
 
   A beautiful, white light was formed at the direction, one that the priest knew well. This was the portal that led to the human world, and which only certain people could pass through and get safely to the other side. Its opening like that could only mean one thing: that someone had come back from the human world. And that person could be only one person: her majesty, the queen.
 
   And so she was. The brunette young lady watched as the light disappeared, and the portal was gone. But the priest could realize that something looked different about her. This wasn’t the cheerful, happy queen they used to have. Something about her seemed sad and depressing. Her usual smile wasn’t there but in its place, a blank expression, one full of misery.

  Putting his thoughts aside, the priest quickly walked up to the queen and bowing to her, he said, “Welcome back, your majesty. You’ve been away for some time, but we’ve been taking care of everything so well so far. Definitely, there are some matters that await your decisions, your highness, but we were able to manage well.”

  He looked up at her, but was surprised as the girl suddenly fell to the ground, completely unconscious. Her face looked tired and her eyes had tears that she tried so hard to prevent for as long as she could. And there she was, at the feet of the astonished priest, completely out of it.

“Dear girl!” The priest quickly snapped out of his shock, and picked up the unconscious girl in his arms, trying to shake her awake. But nothing seemed to be able to awaken her, no matter how much he called her name, her title or shook her. Eventually giving up, he called the maids and the doctor, and the queen was taken to her rooms.


  It did not take long, for the queen awakened a little after she had lost consciousness. Finding herself alone in her room, with no one with her but a maid whom the doctor had instructed to stay by her side, she gently asked the maid to leave her alone-for that was what she needed the most then. The maid was hesitant; her instructions said otherwise. But this was the queen in front of her who commanded her and she had no choice but to obey.

  And so, the queen found herself completely alone. Her heart felt so heavy and her eyes had seas and rivers that wanted to be unleashed, but she didn’t let them do so. And what use would that be? Would it give her the happiness that she had lost hope for? Would it make her be with him? Would it bring back the people she loved?

  She looked around her. That was her room, the one she was used to be in for long periods of time, alone, but never complained. She thought that one day, it would be okay, that one day, she’d find someone to be with her in that room. She’d find someone to share with her that room, and share with her everything, her whole life. In those dark moments, when she saw herself drowning into darkness and everything around her was black, there was a light of hope; a faint, weak light that was. But it was there and she held on strongly to it; she ignored all the darkness and only looked at it.

   And suddenly, suddenly, that light grew bigger and bigger till it surrounded her all, just when he came in her life. That light surrounded her so strongly then that it made her feel so happy, it made all the darkness flee away. She thought that her whole life would be in that way, that the misery was gone forever, and that her patience was finally rewarded.
 
   Except that it wasn’t, and the light that engulfed her so warmly suddenly vanished. That hope she held on so strongly disappeared, and the darkness was all back again. It all returned once more, a lot stronger than before. And this time, that faint light she used to look at and ignore everything else, it was gone. There was nothing then but darkness. Total darkness for the rest of her life, for she was going to be alone forever.

   She sighed heavily with a catch in her throat, fighting back the tears that wanted to come out, but she wouldn’t let them. What use would it be? No use. What good would it do? No good. Then, what was the need of it?

  She laid her head on the pillow behind her, closed her eyes and remembered. She wanted him for one more second, one more moment. She remembered their last kiss, their last hug, their last goodbye. Was she going to see him again? Perhaps, it was possible. But if she did, how good would it be? She would be just a friend, nothing more. She would welcome him as a guest; she would talk to him as she would talk to anyone. She wouldn’t be allowed to show him her affections, her love, her passion. She would be just a friend, as anyone would be to him.

  There was a knock on the door, but she really didn’t want to see anyone nor talk to any. But she was queen, she had fainted a little ago and it was normal that they would come to check on her, to make sure that she was fine. With no choice but to reply, she said, “Come in.”

  The door was opened, and entered the person she probably didn’t want to see the most. At the door stood an elderly stern man, whose looks were usually firm and very unfriendly. But something was weird about him. He didn’t put on his usual stern face, but there was a little happiness on his face, great eagerness. That was her chancellor.

  He came in and seated himself on a chair nearby, then spoke in an unusually pleasant tone, “I am glad to see you back, my dear queen. But I do hope that you are alright. You worried us when you lost it back there.”

She smiled at him, and what a fake, unreal smile it was. But she didn’t want anyone to know about her sadness or unhappiness, let alone the chancellor. Replying, she said,

“I am sorry for the worry I had caused, chancellor. But as you can see, I am quite fine. I must have been exhausted or something.”

She knew as well as [i]he[/i] did that it was not true, but he wouldn’t bring that up. He had come for another reason than to check on her, she was sure of it.

Indeed, he confirmed her thoughts when he went on to say, “It must have been the case. I do hope that your journey and stay in the human world was worthy, though.”

To her, the journey made her spend some of the best days in her life, but it ended in a tragic way, too. It was worthy to her, but definitely not to him. Not wishing to argue about the matter that moment though, as she was too tired, too heartbroken, she replied,

“It was, but I will let you know of the details when I feel better. I do hope you’d be so kind to let me rest a little, chancellor.”

He seemed reluctant, but quickly smiled and replied, “Of course, your highness. I will patiently wait until your majesty feels better, and then we can discuss the matter. Your health comes first, of course.”

He got up, and then bowed, continuing, “I will leave your highness to rest then. Please excuse me.”

She nodded to him, and he left the room. This was strange. The chancellor was never that pleasant, or that polite. She had never seen a smile on his face for as long as she could recall. But yet, there he was, calling her by fancy titles and seeming to act in the most pleasant ways. This was strange indeed.
She did not wish to think too much about it though, so she covered herself with the blanket and soon, she fell asleep into a deep, long sleep; one that came from tiredness, misery and despair. But she was strong, she was tough. She had to move on. If she could move on from a war, from losing her parents, from losing all her beloved ones, why couldn’t she overcome this one?

Several hours later, her eyes slowly opened, but she wasn’t alone as she was when she fell asleep. As soon as her eyes awakened, they met the sharp eyes of the duchess who was by her side, gently stroking the queen’s hair. The duchess looked relieved as she saw the young queen open her eyes and look at her curiously. She had come into the castle as soon as she had heard of the queen’s return, and her coming was quickened as she heard of her collapse. But then again, such a thing wasn’t new.

After all, she had been living with the queen for three years. She had known her well enough to know that the queen didn’t like shedding tears, and when she was upset, she never let anyone know about what bothered her. She had known her well enough to know that she didn’t like telling anyone of what saddened her, that she always buried it in herself and furthermore, pretended to be the happiest person on earth. It could be a positive altitude for some, but it definitely had its negativity.

It definitely did, for when it was too much for the queen to take, one would suddenly see her collapse on the ground. It definitely did, for when her heart was filled with too much sadness, and she never spoke about it, she would suddenly lose it. It had become a habit of hers, and she had become a sensitive, soft girl from the inside, a different story on the outside.

“Are you alright?” The duchess finally spoke up after a while of looking at the awoken queen.

She nodded, and with a forced smile replied, “I am. How long have you been here?”

The duchess replied, “An hour, I believe. You’ve been sleeping for some time.”

The queen simply nodded, but she didn’t say anything. There was silence for a minute, but then the duchess spoke up again, “Are you alright?”

The queen looked at her with a puzzled look. Didn’t she just ask this question?

The duchess quickly continued, “You are not. What’s wrong?”

She averted her gaze for a moment, but then quickly turned back to her, her cheerful smile put on, and replied, “Nothing is wrong, really. I am alright. I had some quite the nice time at the human world.”
The duchess’ sharp looks didn’t change, but with them was a gentle, motherly look. She continued to stroke the queen’s hair, and once more asked, “What’s wrong?”

The queen looked lost. What could she say? It seemed as if the duchess didn’t believe her. But then again, she was indeed lying. What happened to her smile? Was it obvious that it was fake, that it was just a mask? The duchess continued,

“I know you well enough. You are not happy. Something happened at the human world. Let me know of it, let me share it. Stop being so stubborn about it; look at what it did to you.”

The queen was going to pretend again, to act once more. But something in the duchess’ look made her reconsider. Something inside that sharp but gentle face made her change her mind.

So she opened her heart for her, she told her. She told her of how she had found her knight at last, her love, and her lifelong dream and she told her. She told her of the sweetest moments they had, the most loving kisses they shared, the intimate times they lived. But she also told her of her bad luck, of that knight’s marriage to her cousin. He was already married. She interfered. She had no right to take him, no matter how much he loved her back. It was that simple, that frank.

So she returned; heartbroken, depressed and desperate. No more hope was there for her. She was destined to be alone forever, for the one she loved could not be there for her.

She sounded so sad, so down, so weary. But in the same time, she didn’t let a tear trickle down her cheek, or form in one of her amber eyes in the first place. She kept it inside and spoke strongly, getting hold of herself well enough to tell her story without breaking down.

The duchess listened, and she did her best to comfort the girl. She hugged her, kissed her, and comforted her with the words of encouragement and praise. But there was nothing to change the queen’s mind and the duchess wondered where her optimism had gone. She looked cheerful yet, but had no hope of happiness anymore.

There was another knock at the door, and once more it opened. Once more, it revealed the same man who had come several hours before: the chancellor. The duchess excused herself and left, although she didn’t want to, but knew that the chancellor and the queen needed privacy.

Seating himself in the same place he had so in before, he said with that unusual smile still on his face,
“I hope you are well enough to talk now, my dearest queen.”

Annoyed at the chancellor’s persistence but keeping her temper, the queen figured that there was no other way to make the chancellor stop nagging her about the matter but to tell him. So she replied,

“I am, chancellor. What would you like to know?”

The chancellor seemed to be greatly pleased by her reply, and eagerly replied,

“How did it go, my queen? Have you finally gotten the princess’ powers?”

The queen sighed, and shook her head. That wasn’t what he was expecting, as it could be easily told from the reply which followed, “You haven’t?”

The queen looked to him in the face, and replied, “No, I haven’t. I found her, but she was unwilling to give me her powers and I didn’t want to hurt her. Honestly, chancellor, I don’t think we need those powers any longer. We are doing very well on our own-“

He gave her no chance to continue what she was saying however, as his voice interrupted her angrily, “What do you mean by that?! You had her right between your hands, and you let her go?!”

The queen looked at him surprised. Wasn’t the chancellor speaking in a delicate, pleasant manner just a few seconds ago? What happened to him?

But staying calm, she got out of her bed, and fortunately did so without troubles. The chancellor stood up as well as she did this, and went up to her. She finally replied,

“Yes. You’ve got to remember, chancellor that Nerine is my cousin first and foremost. I don’t want some political need to come between us. Plus, as I already said, we don’t really need those powers-“

Once again, the chancellor interrupted her, but this time he held both of her wrists in his hands roughly, and the queen couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden move. Looking her angrily and his hands only tightening on her wrists more and more, almost hurting them, he replied,

“What do you mean by that?! What do you exactly mean by that?! Don’t you understand?! The war broke out for these powers; we risked our kingdom for these powers! We have been searching for three years for these powers! It is not your choice, you understand!”
He roughly let go of her wrists, causing her to fall on her back as she winced in pain. But she was more surprised than angered at his violence. Were his nice manners a while ago, just to know that she had Nerine’s powers? Was the sudden change just because she didn’t have them? Didn’t he have the least consideration that she had just fainted a little ago, that she still felt weak? Nothing of that crossed his mind?

He left her furiously, speaking words of anger and even to the point of cursing her as he did. The queen could feel nothing but complete depression. Usually, she would be angry, she would be furious and she might stand up to him. But at that moment, she couldn’t. All she could do was to crawl back to her bed and slowly get up to it, feeling suddenly weak and overwhelmed with sadness and despair.

She rolled up in her blanket, doing her best to hold back the tears. She wanted to be back in his arms, or even just in his world. She wanted to see him just once more, have him hug her just once more. But there she was, with no parents, no family, and no friends and with just a broken heart that had lost hope in finding love.

But as her eyes looked on, it eventually caught sight of something; a bracelet on her hand. A beautiful bracelet decorated with diamond kittens. It was a dear gift from a recent friend. A friend who promised he’d visit her one day.

That friend was all she had. All she had.