ABSENCE NOTE

the occupation of life

can I phone in sick

today

pull the sheets back

over my head

let the world

my world

know not to expect my

presence

 

let the birds sing only for

themselves

 

if you find yourself walking amongst

a hum

a muffled tune from within

the tangle of

austere branches, crooked arms

you know

the birds are closed for

the day

 

the sun can hold onto its

warmth

 

if you feel a tickle, a soft spur from the

hairs that so

gently sit up to console the

shiver crawling, rippling down

your back

you know

the sun is out of order for

the day

 

and too, a deep breath can be held by the

wind

 

if your lungs are the only essence

awakening the

still air

a soft

disturbance, humble gesture

you know

the wind has gone home for

the day

 

and you,

you can take the day off too

Reviews

[j.a. mills]

Loved all the imagery going on, usually I would say it's too much all at once but it's all wrapped up in segmented stanzas that it's sort of rationed. The conceit, too, of all of these ordinary things, personified as entities taking the day off with you is terrific. There are a few things that didn't make an abundance of sense, like birds being "closed for the day". I found myself wanting to know who would come around to fix the sun, and wished it hadn't been referenced twice. I wanted to know where the wind lives. I was also a tad thrown off by the jump in POV from first to second person after the first stanza.

[Sonakshi Arora]

This is exactly what goes through my mind while getting ready for school 😂. Lovely writing, Lua!

[Abdur-Rehman Qadeer]

loved all the poem... so beautiful it is.. speciall:

if you find yourself walking amongst
a hum
a muffled tune from within
the tangle of
austere branches, crooked arms
you know
the birds are closed for
the day

the sun can hold onto its
warmth


really really fascinated me

[lua]

thank you, i'm pleased you enjoyed it :)

[andrew mitchell]

this write was as soft and delicate as a breeze. Lovely writing lua

[lua]

glad you enjoyed reading!

[Norman 223]

Sometimes it wonderful to just "switch off" and be left with your own thoughts. Then you create something like this witty poem, which emerges from this tranquility.:-)
!

[lua]

haha, thank you :)

[Dara]

I so enjoyed your poem and your writing. I look forward to reading more. You have great depth and a beautiful style.

[lua]

thank you so much :)

[Sherri Thomas]

It was beautiful :) i like your work

[lua]

thank you :)

[Dolce Vita]

I have felt like this many times so I completely related with the wish for nature to be closed for the day so that we can rest too. Beautifully written.
Also thank you so much for your kind review of my poem, much appreciated 😊

[lua]

thank you, a rest all round :)

[Emilia Cole]

I don't know what to feel when I read this I mean I understand the words and their meaning perfectly but then again I have a distant confusion after a while because I guess I just didn't connect with it as I wish I had, seeing as it's beautifully written and has the aspects of art I feel a bit saddened about it

[lua]

don't feel disheartened - think of it as though looking at a painting, not all of the observers will see beyond oil on canvas, no one can find themselves in every artistic expression - as much as they would like to

[Emilia Cole]

Heh I am sorry arigato and gomen

[Lorraine Ciro]

I enjoyed reading your poems. You have a very fluid style

[lua]

thanks very much :)

[J. David]

Beautiful

[lua]

thank you :)