Amphigouri

She leaned over the counter and snorted in one long, smooth, fluid motion.  The salt ceased to exist.

 

The world stopped, then continued, gyrating like a tijuana so and so, doing the eliptical thing.  The others failed to realize their breath had not stopped and so balled their fisted hands.  They do that.  Colors bled from dark to light.  The lightbulbs pulsed in time with a thousands hearts, causing a cacophany of brilliant red.  The sugar jar ran away with the spoon.

 

She looked up and the others stopped moving.  They do that.  "F**k it!"  She ejaculated, and the mess spattered the roses growing down from the altar.  First buds, then faces burst forth upon the oscar-winning score of popcorn left too long in the microwave.  Disapproving grandmothers nipped each, shaking their waddles for the state of the youth today.

Reviews

[Damian Alan Gray]

:::snap-snap-snap::: I have an overwhelming urge to don a black beret, hang a cigarette out of the corner of my mouth and order an espresso. Cool, baby, cool. Seriously. This is one of the better Beat poems I've read in quite some time. The imagery is just... just... well:
" "F**k it!" She ejaculated, and the mess spattered the roses growing down from the altar."

Yeah, baby. :::snap-snap-snap:::

[Larissa G.]

Wow. This is a poem?
I felt sucked into a story. I had to do a double take when I realized how short it is.
The vocabulary used to describe the setting and the emotions in the setting is perfect, beyond what I usually see as good works when published.
Marvelous.
Keep writing! :)

[KayOss]

How come I get the feeling that I'm sitting in a cafe and sipping coffee while watching poets perform their works? This poem evokes that sensation. The words sound smooth in my ear- I can literally hear someone reading this aloud. The imagery is very strong within it. I like the way you repeated "They do that." Repetition, when used properly, is a wonderful thing. Here, it's simply splendid. With me, word choice is very important. I loved your word choice in this poem. Rather than writing down to your readers, you respected the readers' intelligence by using a slightly elevated language (but not so elevated that it's inaccessible to some readers). It is a fine line between the two, but you managed to strike a balance.

I agree with some of the others, by the way; I need to explore Beat poetry a bit more. I think it's a wonderful thing when a work sparks an interest in others of the same type. Kudos for that. Oh yeah. I nearly forgot the necessary applause. This piece deserves it: *snap snap snap*. :D

[cyanskye]

Love your phrasing. Each sentence evokes a very clear and vivid image. Guess I am going to have to study up on Beat poetry, my only exposure up to now has been in "I Married An Axe Murderer". You have piqued my interest.

[zig]

this is very tight, has a "fast" feel to it. i like the way each stanza morphs. very clean and complete i think, enjoyed this very, very much. zig