Broken

People look to me for advise, guidance, stucture, a shoulder to cry on. They see me as the image of strength. Maybe it's because I'm always there to help and almost never complain, maybe it's because I put my all into helping others and don't think about myself. Maybe it's because I always have a smile for someone, a kind word, a cheery tone. But I'm broken on the inside, I am unstable and I fall apart easily. Sometimes I just start crying, out of nowhere. I never know why. I just do. Other times I just fall into this darkness that seems to drown me, my voice disappears and suddenly I'm screaming silently into myself and the darkness, hot tears run down my face and I dig my nails into my ribs in attempt to use the pain to bring myself out of it. Sometimes I bleed before I snap out of it, sometimes my nails turn on my throat due to the pain of the silent screams. But the next day I'm the same. I smile, I laugh, then I go home and I let myself fall apart. I do this again and again until it's out of my system. I'm broken, why can't you see?