Helpless

     I can't honestly say I've ever liked her all that much, though I do admit to admiring her in almost every aspect, she is strong in her own way, self motivated, beautiful, and she somehow makes everything work out; the opposite of me basically. Though, I never thought I would see her like this... I almost couldn't hide the shock on my face when he helped her up the stairs; she was too weak to even make it up the stairs. I thought that was the extent of the help she would need, before I saw her that is, but one look and I knew she could hardly life her own hands without assistance. Her skin was pale, like an off white marble color, and looked like there was simply no blood left in her body. It looked like it was melting off of her body, or perhaps like it was a loose second skin, only there to hide her real, perfect skin. The look on her face was a mixture of pain and helplessness, the woman who has so much pride, reduced to fraility and pain, no matter how temporary.

Reviews

[Carolyn]

this is such a short story however maybe that is because it doesn't matter you have been able to write such a powerful story within a short amount of words. that is a truly a gift many people struggle with not being able to shorten their stories where it seems you have mastered that ability :) congratulations

[imawriter]

You've got a talent for describing a setting and people. If you extended this and described some incidents that happened between the two woman... like... why the lead character never liked Ms. Perfect... for example.. what a great story!

[E. A. Fielder]

Wow this was extremely short but very powerful! I loved it. Especially how the main character admires how strong this woman is! Well done! Keep Writing!

[Neronine]

I can't think of what to say to this, brilliant. Something that makes you want more, makes you want to read it again and still seems like it's new. One enjoyable work of art.

[Zall]

Very good. :) I think a lot of people are like this in a way; comparing themselves to those that are better than them. When people compare themselves like that they tend to only see how the other person is perfect but not their faults or difficulties. I liked it a lot. Good job! =]

[Mary Katherine]

i like the way this is not trimmed and snipped to perfection. i like the way you compare yourself to this woman. I don't know if you meant to or not, but you showed your fear of becoming like the woman as you get older. I can relate. We all want to be strong and independant all our lives...it is hard to come to terms with the fact that one day we might not be able to take care of ourselves any more. very well done

[Amanda Naomi]

this was an interesting piece. the line "the opposite of me bassically" made be belive that it might be a piece about how you feel about yourself, and i can tell by your writing that you can be those things if you can find a way to see them in yourself, you have the potential. but then i continued on and i felt that line only distracted from the piece. i feel that it is incomplete, i would like to know more of your emotions, how you feel about seeing this proud woman turned into such a frail thing...whether you are shocked, sad, angry...anything.... but i did like the imagery. it beautiful. keep writing!

[Tate Morgan]

This is so human I like it

[DeathByChoice]

This seems like a prologue to a book, it captures you in and makes you want more, really great! I pictured the woman perfectly in my head and you described the emotions well. The shock and a little bit of confusion, and the pitty. Great job!

[Sean M. Addams]

i liked this piece alot..deep and well told... overall i thought you did great on this one..nice work!!