Broken Pieces

This is a poem i wrote when i broke something very important to me.

My thoughts blurred with shock

My body not in response

My world turned upside down,

 

As I stare at what used to be my prize

It crushed like a fragile flower

A tear falls from my sore eyes,

 

I knew that it was going to happen,

Sooner or later

I would have preferred later,

 

My mask now in shards

I am completely naked

Fragile in the cold world,

 

I stop and prepare

Fake confidence taking place

I am anew,

 

With new, old must die

And I cry,

Waiting for the new world.

Author's Note

please tell me what you think:)

Reviews

[Jeannie Wilder]

Ah very nice :)
The only thing was the second line in the second stanza... you use it twice and it doesn't make much sense to me.
fourth is my favorite in this piece, the idea that you broke something that was hiding you from the world... a little off the subject... but perhaps it was time for it to break.

[Allison]

Gasp!
It was beautiful :)
I've felt like that before. It's a devastating feeling that seems to take you away to a place you never thought possible. A dark place with no way out.
Anywho, nice job :) Like the vocabulary and descriptiveness.

... thats a very good poem. I liked the structure and idea. But it is a little too dramatic

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

Was this about you breaking your headband? It was very good.

Makes all feelings from the poem go into the reader

[Rachel U.]

First thought: You changed verb tenses several times.
Second thought: You used commas throughout your piece, but one period at the end. This makes it feel like one continuous thought, which you might or might not want. That is up to you.
Third thought: My favourite lines:
//As I stare at what used to be my prize
It crushed like a fragile flower// Here I understood what you meant in losing something you had broken.
Be careful of changing a little too much in theme - your conclusion felt a little disconnected.
Overall, well-written and pretty to read aloud.

[Megg]

Oh mah gosh. I feel like that, at this very moment! Great Mary! -- XOXO Megg

[J. C. Koch]

i like it, but i do have one suggestion, I'd use a synonym for blurred in the first line or blurry in the sixth. but other then that, its really good.