Shards

Another one for the same contest.

When we were young

and innocent

-oh, innocent, how long has it been?-

The world was clear and bright

happy and full of shining white light

We always wished to be older

and darker and colder

The world was perfect, but we were blind

for in front of our eyes

was clear, perfect glass

 

Then we grew

a little bit more

and we stretched and yawned,

and opened our eyes

to the bright yellow sun

But what did we see?

Instead of the perfect world

that once was clear and full of hope

we saw it.

In front of our eyes

there was a line of black

in our glass, was a crack

In turned the world into fragments

the good and the bad

Or the clean and the filthy

The crack was curved,

and only took a small part of our vision

Our innocence still reigned

But every day was pained

by the growing blemish, spreading lines over our world

and taking innocence

from every boy and girl

 

Then, struggling to see

and the webbed glass there

we became adapted to it

We no longer care

We don't care that we cannot be free

of our mind, that has been dirtied and dyed

So we ignore

the webs of spidery silk and dust

creeping in on us

until one day

we wake up,

stretch, groan, and yawn

expecting to see the fragmented sun

that has become the norm

and the usual for our world

to be different, warped and swirled

but instead, what do we see?

The web of black and white

of darkness and of fright

has encroached

it has spread so now, our innocence is

gone. At most.

The glass is shattered and no longer clear

so now we see the world through dirtied eyes

that can only see death, filth, dirt, and demise

Blood and dust,

coal and fire

lust and desire

no more is our vision except that of

a dirty mind

and a brain that seems to have been hypnotized

 

It's only so long

until the last piece of web

finally will spread

and the pieces will explode in a shower

for we have played with too much power.

We have tampered with love

much too young

and the smoke of cigarettes blocks the sun

must we play, with our fingers over the fire?

And feel lust, despair and desire

Not yet! Not yet!

Now is not for problems, simple or complex

Nor drugs and cigarettes and sex

Does the web in the glass

have to grow?

Can't it shrink

so maybe we can see

how we're SUPPOSED to think?

 

But the glass will shatter

and will it even matter?

We are blind now and we will be blind then

the shards will pierce others

and infect them, the innocent ones

We are so lost

no longer our selves

its almost as if

we are  only hollow shells.

The shards will fly

no more will we see

the fragmented sky

and no more hope

and no more nice

Just shards

of us.

 

Author's Note

In your review please include what you think I'm talking about, I made it pretty clear, but I forgot not to, lol.
REVIEWS PLEASE!

Reviews

[Odayin]

I think that your words definitely carry a wave of influence that can bring people to the right spot in the world we live in. I think that what you're all about in this one is definitely in the right. I love how you're rhythm just grabs onto and holds fast the attention of the reader regardless of whether or not they're in danger or not. I think it's great how you related the soul of a mind that we possess to a piece of glass constantly in front of our face and how you updated it every so often in contrast to the actions performed. I also love how the words playfully dance in front of the reader's eye as they are read, I think it reall helps the relation between the poem and the reader and backs up what you're tryin to say about shards.
I think you're all about growing up. That weight of innocence that everyone carries at one time. How it can be broken and tarnished through bad actions and paint black over our purity. How there's a piece of glass that represents it. And through the choices we make, that glass cracks or heals. Too many bad choices, and you'll go blind from all the cracks, shards, and spiderwebs.
I think it's great that you're above all of this. How you believe that it's not all about what others want us to do, but what we can do to make it what we want. Or what we truly want to accomplish in life. This poem carries a message with it hat basically says that it's not about screwing up your life to have fun, but that you can have by keeping your life intact.
All in all, I think what you're all about is the fact that we all carry a weight of innocence around us, and that piece of innocence can be related to a piece of glass; and that all the things that we do that are wrong, we eventually won't be able to see the world as it is truly meant to be looked upon.
Great poem Sophie, I liked it a lot, definitely one of your best

[Archia]

I saw this poem with so many different meanings, at different times, yet still all relatable. I enjoyed how there was almost a story to this, a sad beautiful story.

[VannahBanana]

We all understand what you're saying.
And Sophie what you have to say is understood, and I know as well as anyone whenever you have an idea, you don't care how it goes, as long as it's out there.
This is wonderful.
But I'm beginning to see all the potential you have. I know you can grasp onto more readers, onto more thinkers.
Take this line for instance:
"Blood and dust,

coal and fire

lust and desire"
You can completely alter this (yet it will say the exact same thing) to present a beat:
Blood and dust,
Coal and fire.
Fell to lust
And desire"
(just something I thought at the top of my head)
very few people see what you are capable to see, and in a few years I can see you changing a lot of ways people think, I hope that I come in some assistance to get you "out there" and I hope that you don't think I'm just griping at you, because I'm not. You have extraordinary ideas.
Sometimes I have to reread things, write down the main points, and rewrite it so that the readers and thinkers can read it and think it how I did.
You're going places Sophie.

[Jay. E. V.]

I see it as the growth into adulthood, and i can relate with this peom. I love it for that reason. When we were young everything held promise and we had plans. As we got older we realized..ya know, nothing is as we had planned or hoped, yet we still for some reason hold onto those pieces, broken as we are, to hope for somethin better. I believe you captured this very well, one of the best poems I've read.

[Lulubel]

The poem talks about the loss of innocence, but I also get a sense of it being about how that loss of innocence changes our perception of the world around us until we become inured to what we see and how we are affected.

[jennifer little]

wow long but amazing poem it shows great volume and emotion very constucted words you say in this poem i loved it great job keep up the amazing work and thanks for sharing your beautiful work with me

[Gastelum]

every other sentence i feel as though i know where the setting to this piece is actually taking place, but then you add another fine layer of dust and it settles upon the clear picture my imagination constructed from your words. there is a great volume of emotion with every sentence you use in this piece. i felt as though i was in a trance while i was reading it. you use words in a way that makes the reader feel welcomed and not alienated, which is a very strong talent. you've practiced your writing-craft well, and it shows.




i truly think this piece would be more powerful if you took out:
"But the glass will shatter
and will it even matter?
We are blind now and we will be blind then
the shards will pierce others
and infect them, the innocent ones"

[Zachary_James]

Brilliant i was stunned at this, i loved every word,every line just EVERYTHING about this peace. Amazing job!!

[Plitman_728]

Brilliant!! I loved this, you are very talented!

[Emily Rae]

You captured the loss of innocence