Sixty-Nine- Marina

short chapter, the end draws near... omg.

Chapter 69

Marina

Dear Diary,

Wow, it felt corny writing that beginning. I just need somewhere to go, to be... sad. I've been sad for a while, you know? Since my parents died. Sure it kind of came and went, and I really didn't think about it much when we were fighting for our lives or starving, but it's been there. Just kind of sitting and waiting, tapping the pads of it's fingers together gleefully, waiting to strike and make me break down in front of everyone. To just crumble.

I miss them.

I miss being normal, and not questioning everything I do as something that was predetermined 1800 years ago. Like, can I sing because I was born with the vocal chords for it or because it has something to do with water? I miss my friends in Oklahoma, I haven't called them since... a while, but I called yesterday and explained what's been going on, everything. And Olivia and Bree just... hung up. Zoe told me I belong in the looney bin and then hung up. Only Lacey believed me, but she was still doubting my sanity, I could feel it.

I'm doubting my sanity, honestly. What if this is hell and I died when the truck made impact with the car, and hell is just really weird and shows you things you want (Wren) and things you fear (Malum)? This isn't heaven though, I know that much.

Or what if I'm just insane? What if all these people, these monsters are just normal people trying to figure out what's wrong with me? What if when Wren's parents kicked us out, that was just me being moved to a different hospital with different doctors?

What if I'm in a coma and dreaming?

Is is bad that sometimes... I wish that was true? That none of this is actually happening? Because it's just so damn hard. I just want to... scream! I just- I want to go back to how things were. Back to when I was human and I didn't have a 'cute accent', I just talked, and back to when I had never been in the ocean before, not able to be the ocean. I miss having friends for a normal reason, not because we were all lumped together by some ancient prophecy.

But off that subject and onto a new one.

I know where Nox's mom is. I had a dream last night, Malum has her, he's going to use her as a weapon. But if I tell Nox, he'll go to rescue her, I'm sure of it, and that will end in us losing. The next battle is the final one, we've all known t since the last one. They won't let us win again without at least killing some of us. But we'll try to not let that happen.

But do I tell Nox? I know I should, but it would result in world domination, pretty much. I just don't know what to do.

I miss Wren's piano a lot. When I was feeling sad, I'd either kiss Wren a lot or play piano, and right now, it's kind of awkward to kiss Wren because we're in someone else's home. I might go for a swim later, we're already a week into August and I don't want it too get too cold.

I'm nervous for school, of all things. I mean, if we even make it that far. But it's a new school I know seven people, and they're all from different ends of the social spectrum, who knows if we'll stick together or disperse back to our spots. In Oklahoma I was semi-popular, nothing major, I was invited to most parties, but I never dated anyone really popular to bring me up.

Nox got me and Wren's stuff yesterday, I just finished putting my clothes in the closet. And I'm feeling... sad again. Just kind of... alone.

I know Wren's here for me, and he loves me and that Ray, Bry, and Air will help me out, and that they're all going through the same things with me, but... no one witnessed their parent's deaths, however quick they were, no one saw what they looked like after being crushed by a truck, no one controls water. I know the last thing isn't really a problem, but no one knows exactly what I'm going through. I think I'd feel better if there was someone who could control water, and witnessed their parent's dying, and saw their bodies (even though I saw their ghosts or whatever.) I just... I'm just wallowing in self pity. Like I used to, when I was 13 to 15.

I was depressed. I starved myself, only eating salad once every three days for a year until I collapsed while working out. My version of self harming was throwing up when I had nothing to throw up. I had nothing to be sad about, then. The reason that all started was because one really mean guy called me fat and then, once I was so skinny I looked like I was going to fall apart, he asked me out. I punched him, because at that point I was trying to stop, because I knew my body couldn't handle much more.

I'm fine now, or, I was, until this all started. When my parents died I was sad and sobby but no depression, not like it had been before or anything. Just lately, the only word I can use to describe it as is: Sigh. Just one big, sad, angry, frustrated sigh.

And I've been thinking about it a lot, but in a way it was just... So easy to be mindless when I was being controlled. So easy to not have to feel, to not have to be sad. Kind of too easy to drop myself in that pit of fire.

Author's Note

sorry it's so short, trying to get through this cycle so I can have a Nox chapter! Grrr, darn set up.
A bit of foreshadowing for the sequel, which we be titled We Are the Hunted
*Taps fingers together evilly while MWAHAHAHA-ing"
reviews please!
omg, the captcha is poopgun.

Reviews

[Abbie]

this book is sooooooo good! I don't want it to end soon!!!! but at least there's a sequel... :) anywho, I feel really bad for marina in this one! :(I wanna give her a big hug and tell her it will all get beter, but then it wont becaus eyou know how to be evil and write things to screw up their lives. :) great chapter! I can't wait or more!

and lol, 69. XD sorry, I have a dirty mind.... XD

[Kadessa (Kaddy)]

Poor girl
I just want to hug her

[Amanda]

LOL
look at you, banging out the chapters
WHAT WILL I DO WHEN YOUR BOOKS END?!?!?!
ohhhh noooes
nice job though lol :P

[Sophie]

Those were my exact thoughts like... what am i going to do with my life?
banging, heh heh chapter 69 heh heh

[Amanda]

omg I didn't even notice! XD

[Sophie]

lol

[Sophie]

I have a dirty mind :P and who's fault was that?