Would Have Loved You #2

alternate ending

Wrapped in darkness,

swaddled in warmth,

coddled in love,

happily alive,

well, kind of.

See, she's not as happy,

not as cozy with you,

and she hopes you'll understand,

that if she could wait a year or few,

she would, but for now she's too young,

and she's really sorry for this,

but her years make her dumb,

and so you're not going to get to live.

And so, your warmth will be taken away,

your life source stripped,

she'll cry, but you won't

because you're not yet equipped.

If she wasn't sixteen,

she would have loved you so,

I know you don't understand what this means,

I would have liked to be your father though.

Maybe teach you how to ride a bike,

how to read and the trick to multiplying by nine,

and maybe of Mommy and I weren't so young,

we could have gotten to have all this fun.

And I'm sorry, my darling girl,

maybe if we hadn't brought you halfway into the world,

we wouldn't have to take you all the way out.

We could have made you dinners,

and scold you when you pout,

taught you everyone's a winner,

and taught you what love is about.

All these thoughts and wishes run through my head,

as Mommy is taken into the operation room,

all I feel is sadness and dread,

because after this abortion you, my baby girl, will be dead.

Author's Note

which one do you like better?
reviews please!

Reviews

[devon]

This is very sad, but I get a feeling of love and warmth from it, as well. The father obviously does love this little girl, but he knows he can't hold her in his arms. It's kind of like a "coming to terms" kind of thing. Tragically sad, yet beautiful and tender. You did a great job at evoking emotions from your reader, and making your point. I really, really liked this.

The only error I caught was in this line: "and maybe of Mommy and I weren't so young," Instead of of, I think you meant if.

:)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad ending to the poem. Abortion is a hard subject. I like way you led the reader to the sad ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Odayin]

I like all the descriptions in his one better but I like how you kept the meaning hidden in the last one. Even though it is nice to have that last line impact

[.]

Very powerful piece.

[afra]

i think this one ...well done