Mocking

The depression continues...

Diana-16

It seems I've stopped with the endless crying, and gone into a new stage, endless anger.

I'm in Wal Mart, and I just bought a package of darts. I know I'll have to buy the poster after, but its just so satisfying.

The dart lands right in his pupil, “Yes!” I say, a small victory. I aim another dart and it pierces his forehead, then another in his ear, then I stop aiming and just throw them at his face in general.

“Miss, what are you doing?” An employee comes up to me.

“Throwing darts at my ex boyfriend.” I reply coldly.

“Louis Tomlinson was not your ex boyfriend, he's dating Diana Ross.”

“Nice to meet you, I'm Diana Ross.” I say, holding out my hand to her.

“You broke up?” She asks, looking sad.

“Yeah, temporarily. Hopefully. I suppose I have to buy the poster now?” I say, gesturing the poster of his smiling face with many darts sticking out of it. I go to the check out, buy the poster and then drive home, my iPod on shuffle. The song 'It's All Your Fault' by P!nk comes on and I sing along at the top of my lungs, “It's all your fault, you called me beautiful. You turned me out and now I can't turn back.”

I reach my house and go up to my room and look at the poster, now with tiny holes in it. It's been a little over a month now and I've been really angry, I just wish there was something to make me forget about him.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, a text from Meghan.

Hey, wanna go to a party tonight? There will be cute college guys... ;)

Sounds like fun, what time?

Nine, wanna get ready together?

Sure, my house or yours?

Yours, I'll be there in 10 She says. She'll know what to do with the poster, how to kill it properly. I hear the door open downstairs and she walks up.

“Hey, I need your help with something.” I say.

“Sure, what is it?” I tell her about the darts at Wal Mart. “So what should we do with it?”

She grins wickedly, “We burn it and bury the ashes.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I laugh.

“Oh! We should make a head stone, 'here lies Diana's relationship with Louis'” She laughs. I wince at the name but she doesn't notice, and I nod.

Soon his smiling, gorgeous, tanned, dreamy- Diana, stop that- face is engulfed in flames. We make the tombstone while it burns and the ashes cool off. It's just a rock we painted white with leftover paint from painting the bathroom walls and wrote the words in Sharpie.

We bury the ashes but I don't feel any more 'over him'. We go up to my room and search through my closet for something to wear.

“Oh my god, what's that?” Meghan gasps, taking out the white leather dress he bought me, the one we had the paint war in. “You have to wear this, its so cute.”

“I can't sorry, you probably don't recognize it without paint...” I say, hanging it back up.

“Oh, sorry.” She says.

“It's not your fault.” I smile. God! Why did he do this to me? I can't even wear my favorite dress because of him! I feel the anger come back and I welcome it, it's a lot better than the blubbering and the five pounds I gained from ice cream. I find the perfect outfit, a strapless dress that looks like a shirt and skirt, but its really one piece. The top is black while the skirt part is grey, with a white leather belt between them. I wear white lace flats and put my hair in a fishtail braid to get it out of my face. A few pieces that aren't long enough wisp out, giving it that effortlessly messy look.

Meghan is in beauty school, so I let her do my make up and then we're ready.

In the car ride 'One Thing' comes on the radio and I turn it to another station as quickly as I can. You can hear him really easily in that one, whereas in other songs his voice is disguised more.

“Sorry.” I mumble. We reach the party. I just want to forget.

I just want to get over him!

I see a table with red cups and that's where I head. Peace, here I come.

Louis

I'm not over her. What's wrong with me? It was my idea! You'll see her in three months, just remember that, not too long now.

I've learned to only be sad when the others aren't around, except for Harri who gives me pitying glances a lot. I know she talks to Diana, but I'm afraid of what she says. Harri's phone buzzes and her lip trembles, and she glances at me, this time in anger. She practically throws the phone at me and I read the text.

Welp, shot number four and I'm still sad... Nother round, Mr. Bar Tender, yes I'm sure I'm twenty-one, I showed you my I.D!

“She's been drunk texting me for the past month, you know.” Harri spits, and then leaves. I still have the phone, and with shaking fingers I click the reply button: Don't worry, he's not much better.

You said no contact, Louis. You shouldn't even have read the text. I click send anyway. It's not contact if she thinks it's Harri. Right? Yeah.

There's no reply though, and I try to push all thoughts of a drunken, depressed Diana.

Sitting alone at a bar, drinking until she's too drunk to feel anything. Her hair is up in the messy bun she wears when she's tired, there are circles under her eyes, and depending on her emotions, mascara stains trails on her cheeks.

I don't know how she feels. In some ways I hope she feels like I do, meaning she misses me, but at the same time, I wouldn't subject anyone to the heartbreak I caused.

Three months, Louis, only three months. Three months until you get to kiss her, and hold her in your arms again. The thought makes my lips tingle and my arms ache, feeling empty.

Finally I realize I've been sitting, staring at the TV, which is off, for the past few hours. The light in the room has dimmed to that blue grey twilight color. I realize Liam is standing in the doorway, watching me with a sad expression on his face. But I keep staring at the blank screen, willing it to show me her, show me the girl I so desperately need to see.

“Liam?” I croak after a few more minutes, my voice unused for too long.

“Yeah, Lou?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course you can.” He says, sitting down.

“I need to see her.”

“I know, I know.” He says, rubbing my back.

“I wonder what she's doing right now.”

Diana

“Wanna come back to my place, Diana?” Jack whispers in my ear. The club is boring anyway, and I'm a little tipsy.

“Sounds good.” I smile. Maybe he'll take my mind off- no, don't think his name. We head to his car and he drives to his apartment. The second the front door closes, our mouths collide in a sloppy, slobbery kiss that tastes of alcohol. We head to his bed and I get lost in memories.

“Did... did you just call me Louis?” He stops.

“Oh, s**t, did I?” I giggle, the world spinning a little.

“Yeah. You did.” He says coldly, handing me my dress. “I'll drive you home.” The ride to my house is silent, and I manage to hold back the tears until I reach my room. I sit on my bed, tears trickling out of my eyes. I wipe them with the sleeve of my pj top and then start typing.

I don't know why I ever agreed to this whole six month break thing. I thought what you said was true, that we went too fast, I still think we did, but these past four months have been... just awful. Awful, Louis. I just had to be driven home from some guy's house a.) because I was drunk and b.) because I called him Louis while we were having sex. How awful is that? And I'm crying right now, and I'm really not sure why, I'll see you in two months, but that's so long away, so long away, Lou. Why the F**K am I crying?

Remember that time we were at an interview and she asked about our first kiss? You turned so red telling the story.

So, I'm nineteen now, and you're twenty one. When you come back to America to see me, you'll be able to drink. Not that age ever really stops anyone.

And I'm not really sure why I'm writing this email. I just know that I feel like I have to talk to you. And I know we agreed no contact, at all, for the whole time, but I

I sit back, staring at the blinking line that mocks me, each blink a 'ha', just laughing endlessly at me. I reach over and hold down the backspace key, watching the pathetic, drunken ramblings of sadness erase. I collapse back onto the bed and close my eyes, letting the images and memories flood my mind instead of holding them back like I've been doing.

Louis.

Author's Note

reviews please!

Reviews

[Taylor Ann]

Oh my goodness! I feel terrible, as though depression has set over me, over two fake characters!!! They aren't even real, why am I feeling such a strong saddness over them!? My goodness, I'm such a Directioner, one that wants them to get back together so badly!
Waits breathlessly for the next chapter! xx

[Amanda]

Horriblue (my new word) Adj.- when something is so sad and depressing you just want it over with

[Kadessa (Kaddy)]

so sad!