Hush

Alana has cancer, and behind her back her best friend tells her crush to pretend to be her boyfriend in her last few months.

“Do her a favor.” The girl pleads. “Please, she has two months to live, and none of this has happened, please.” Teenagers rush around them as the warning bell rings, no one notices the girl hand the boy the notebook with loose papers sticking out of it. “You're an amazing actor, always the lead in the plays, think of this as another role.”

“Fine, Lilly, I'll do it.”

“Thank you, Wes.” The girl says, looking guilty but smiling at the same time.

*-*-*

1. Go on a date to the beach at night

The phone rings as I'm walking in the house after school. I've learned to love school in the past few months since I was diagnosed with cancer.

“I'll get it!” I yell, grabbing the phone. I refused the chemo when they told me it wouldn't really do anything, the cancer had spread before it would do anything, so I'm not too weak.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Um, hi, Alana, it's Wes.” He says.

“Hey Wes, what's up?” I ask, flopping onto my bed. Before he answers, I add, “Please don't let this be another pity call, I really can't handle those.”

“No, no its not. I was actually wondering, and I know this kind of weird, considering- yeah-” Sometimes I think that's the new name for cancer, 'yeah', people can't seem to say it.

“Considering I have cancer?” I say it for him.

“Yeah, that. I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight.”

“Wow, I-I'd love to!” I'm grinning into the phone. I have had the hugest crush on him since the seventh grade.

“Great! I'll pick you up around eight?”

“Why so late?”

“I thought it'd be cool to go to the beach at night.” He explains.

“That'll be perfect!” I say.

He laughs, “Bye, see you later.”

“Bye.” I hang up and immediately scream.

“Alana?! Alana! What's wrong? Are you in pain?!” My mother's voice says, getting closer, running down the hall.

“Mom, I'm fine, I'm going on a date tonight!” I grin, spinning around in circles.

She stands in the doorway, watching me with her eyes that used to always have light and laughter in them, now they always seem to be teary, at least around me. “Are you sure that's a good idea honey?”

“It's a perfect idea.” I stop spinning. God, I wish she wouldn't treat me like I'm going to fall to pieces any second, burst into shards, I'm f- well, I guess not fine, but pretty damn close.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Mom, I'm completely sure. Oh my god! I have to go take a shower!” I dash around her and into the bathroom.

Once I'm under the hot stream of water, I poke at my stomach, feeling for it. I can't find it, but the doctors sure could, the tumor that ruined my life, and will end it. Oh, is that- nope, that's a rib, genius.

I've always wanted to got to the beach at night on a date. Is this like, the universe making up for the whole dying thing? If it is, I have a whoooole list, just letting you know. I forgot the call Lilly!

I wash my hair and use my moms good smelling body wash and then step out of the shower and wrap up in a towel. Then I secure the towel onto me and look through my closet frantically for the perfect outfit.

Should I wear a bathing suit? Clothes?

I don't even know!

I decide on the bathing suit and an off the shoulder top and shorts, glad its abnormally hot for late May.

2 Be kissed under the stars

“Bye Mom!” I call, closing the door behind me. Wes smiles at me as we walk to his car, and he opens the door for me. We drive to the beach and then put our stuff down.

“The water's going to be cold.” He warns.

“I'll manage.” I smile, slipping off my shorts, glad its dark and he can't see my blush. We walk down to the water and he splashes in, while I can get past my ankles.

“Don't make me come get you!” He threatens, “Or hug you.” He walks toward me, arms spread wide.

“No!” I squeal turning away, but he captures me, the water he's soaked in soaking me. I scream, laughing and he falls back while I'm still in his arms, getting me into the water. I squeal again at the freezing water, and struggle out of his arms, laughing. I splash him and he splashes back. It quickly progresses into an all out splash war, which makes me very tired, which happens much too often these days.

He notices my splashing loses its luster.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“Just a little tired now is all, I hear there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight, you want to watch?” I ask.

“Sounds great.” He says, and we head up to our towels. I brought one for lying on and one to wrap up in, because I figured I'd get cold, so I wrap up and lie down and we talk while watching the skies for shooting stars.

After about a half an hour, one flashes across the sky.

“Quick, make a wish.” I say. There's a minute of silence and then he asks, “What did you wish for?”

“I don't really know what to wish for these days.” I say quietly, looking over at him. He looks back at me and I break the eye contact, sitting up abruptly. He sits up too.

“Hey, look at me.” He says, turning my head with his fingertips. Then he leans in and brings his lips to mine.

11 Hold hands while walking down the hall

“So hows it going? Does she suspect anything?” Lilly asks.

“No, I'm up to number eleven, I think she's completely forgotten about the journal.” Wes answers. “Though you should call her, make plans, she misses you, and she thinks you're avoiding her.”

“It's just so hard! To see her so weak and broken and...”

“Dying?” He whispers. Lilly nods, her dark hair covering her face, though a tear trickles down one cheek.

*-*-*

“Morning.” Wes says, leaning up against the locker next to mine. We've been dating for two weeks now and we're officially official, as I call it. I pick up my backpack, huffing. It's become harder.

“Babe, please let me take it.” He says, his eyes pleading with me.

“No! I can do this.” I say, adjusting it.

“Fine.” He says, taking my hand and we walk to class. No one looks at me anymore, and when they do, its obvious they've been staring, I'm so thin and fragile now. I look at my wrists and I wonder how in the world they move without shattering into a thousand pieces. Though, when I'm with Wes, they give him a pitying glance, because I'm only temporary.

Temporary.

12 Fa;; asleep in the same bed with a guy, fulling clothed

“Bowling was a lot of fun.” I smile as we walk up my driveway. “I'm really tired.” I yawn and stumble over my shoes.

“Whoa, you okay?” He asks, catching me.

“Yeah, I'm fine, just losing my own feet!” I laugh feebly. Suddenly, he picks me up.

“Hey! What are you doing?” I say, but it comes out as a whisper.

“Carrying you.”

“I'm fine! Put me down!” I protest, but he only chuckles, because it comes out as a sigh.

I wake up to sunlight streaming through my window and an arm wrapped firmly around my waist.

“Good morning.” Wes says.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, rolling over to face him. “Am I still wearing my boots?”

“Yeah, I couldn't figure out how to get them off for you.” He laughs, “And I figured I'd spend the night, your mom didn't object when she saw how completely unconscious you were.”

“Oh, that's really sweet of you.” I smile, leaning in to kiss him.

3o KISS IN THE RAIN!

“It's so cold!” I shiver, hugging my arms to myself.

“Really? Its humid, I'm kind of warm.” Wes says.

“Yeah, well I don't have anything but skin to keep me warm!” I tease, smiling.

I have two weeks to live. Everyday goes by too fast, its really hit me that this is actually happening. Every time I throw up I realize my body is slowly failing, my stomach rejects food most of the time. Even water.

I've gotten so thin, you can almost see every one of my bones, the joints, each rib, tendons and cartilage, and my veins are bright blue.

A rain drop plops on my nose.

“It's starting to-” The sky literally drops a mass of water down on us, “-rain.” I finish laughing.

“Really? I hadn't noticed.” Wes laughs, teasing.

“Oh shush you.” I nudge him.

“Ouch, that hurt!” He jokes. I stick out my tongue.

“We're getting soaked.” He says, blinking as his hair drips into his eyes. My thin, light blond hair is plastered to my head, and I'm sure my eyeliner is running.

“Really? I hadn't noticed.” I say in the best Wes impersonation I can do.

“Was that supposed to be me? Wow, at least you kiss better than you do impressions.” He says, leaning his forehead against mine and then kissing me.

I've always wanted a kiss in the rain.

“Why don't we go inside.” He suggests after we break apart.

“Are you cold yet?” I ask as response.

“Yes, and your lips are blue, so I think you are too.”

“You're a poet and you don't know it.” I tease as we walk into his house. He gets me a towel and wraps it around me.

“Can I see your room?” I ask. He nods and we walk up the stairs to his bedroom.

“Sorry its such a mess...” He says, picking up clothes as we walk in.

“No problem.” I say, taking in the room. Something catches my eye and my breath stops in my throat.

“Alana, I- I think-” He starts, stuttering.

A notebook, with sketches and drawings and wishes. My Romance Bucketlist. Suddenly the past month and a half floods back to me, he's been following the list!

“I gave that to Lilly when I was diagnosed.” I cut him off, still staring at the notebook.

“Let me expl-”

“Why do you have it? Why have you been following it? That's why Lilly won't talk to me, she's a crappy liar, she could never have kept it from me. She put you up to this! You didn't really want to ask me out, who asks the girl with two months to live out? She's only temporary, it's not like she'll be able to f**k either!” I spit.

“Alana, it wasn't like that, I mean, it was, at first-”

“I was right! My first boyfriend was perfection, but fake.”

“Alana, listen to me, I love you!” He yells, grabbing me arm.

“Number 54, he says 'I love you' during a fight.” I whisper, and turn to walk out the door.

“No, really! I haven't even read that far, Alana, please, listen!” He pleads.

“Fine! I'll listen, but after I never want to see you again.” I whirl around, at his front door.

“Yes, it started out as Lilly asking me to act like your boyfriend, to play a role. But somewhere along the way, Alana, I fell in love with you. I really did, the past few weeks have been amazing, and I'm not acting! I swear, Alana, please, don't hate me.”

“Too late.” It comes out as a sob, I walk out the front door and slam it, to the best of my ability. It doesn't even close. I scream in frustration. I walk a few blocks then just collapse in sobs on the sidewalk. Someone walks by, giving me a strange look.

“I'M F*****G DYING!” I scream at them, “JUST GO AWAY!” They run off. I rock back in forth, sitting in the middle of a puddle sobbing into my knees. I don't think I've ever really cried before. When I found out I had cancer and that I wouldn't recover, my mother did, but I was too numb. All my senses kind of turned off, and one word repeated in my mind, dying. But now I know what its like to cry. I didn't understand the term 'sob' until now. Its something that forces its way out of you, clawing your insides the whole way up, shredding you. Something living and evil that stops your breathing for a moment at the sheer force of the emotion it brings. It's a sound and a feeling and a convulsion all rolled into one. It shakes your whole body, and to outsiders, it is probably the most heart wrenching sound.

Eventually the sobs subside, but the tears have a steady course down my cheeks, and I feel like they carved a canyon in my face, like Colorado River and the Grand Canyon, I don;t think the tears will ever stop, that on really silent nights when I'm six feet under the ground, you'll still be able to hear me crying, because emotion like this just doesn't end.

*-*-*

Well, it turns out it does. Wes hasn't called or said anything. I survived a few days longer than I was supposed to, but I can feel it, I'm dying today. Mom calls me silly and tells me that I don;t know that, but I think I know when my body has given up.

“Honey, you have a visitor.” Mom says, opening my door.

“Okay.” I croak.

“Do you need some water?” She asks.

“No.”

“But you're thirsty.”

“I don't want to throw it up, thanks though.” I say. She nods solemnly and then lets in my visitor.

“Hi Lany.”

“Wes? What are you doing here?” I ask, too tired to be upset.

“I wanted to apologize, I still love you, Alana.” He says, kneeling by my bed and taking my hand. “God you're cold.” He massages my fingers.

“Happens when your dying.” I smile at him.

“You're not going to die.” He says, shaking his head.

“I am, Wes, I'm sorry, today's my day. In fact, probably really soon.” I explain calmly.

“No, you are not.” He says.

“You really can't deny it you know, look at me.” I say.

“You're as beautiful as ever.” He says, “That's all I see.”

“Fine, but accepting it now will make it easier later.” I say. I would shrug, but I don't have it in me. He sniffs, trying not to cry. “You can cry, its okay.” I say.

“I love you, I really do, please know that.” He says, his voice husky.

“I love you too, I believe you.” I say, realizing my eyes closed. When did that happen?

“I'll never love another girl, wait for me in heaven, please.” He sobs, holding my hand tightly. Heaven doesn't exist, if there was a god, this wouldn't be happening, if there was a god cancer wouldn't exist, because that's how it works, but I'll humor Wes for now. Then I realize what else he said.

“No!” My eyes snap open, “Don't say that! You will love another girl, you will find love. If we, if we were meant to be, I wouldn't be dying. I read this thing once, it said: 'Some people are meant to fall in love, but not to be together.' That's us, Wes, someday you'll find a girl who you love and you can be together. Don't wait, please, don't waist your life for something that won't happen.” I say, my little speech taking anything out of me.

“I can't promise you that.”

“Promise me! I'm dying, and I need you to promise me that you will move on.” I say, a final tear slipping out of my tear duct.

“I promise.” He says, holding back tears.

“Good.” I sigh, my eyes drifting closed. I listen to my heart get slower, and slower, and slower...

“Alana? Are you sleeping? Alana?! ALANA?!”He's shaking me, but I'm dying, I'm in the process of dying.

“ALANA!” He screams, a sob ripping through him. I don;t know if he's shaking me anymore, I can't feel it. I remember reading hearing is the last thing to go.

“ALANA! NO! PLEASE, COME BACK!” He screams again, crying.

Hush.

Author's Note

Excuse me while I go bawl my eyes out...
reviews please

Reviews

[Odayin]

This made 10 Seconds look like a joke.
This was done very very very very well, like really well.
The whole story line and just the way it ends and progresses is all just so beautiful. I'm not going to pick it apart...it's too good for that. Just know that it is excellent. Amazing job Sophie

[GreenQueen]

One word. Beautiful. One thousand points out of ten. One of the best things ive ever read in my life

[Sophie]

thank you so much!

[Amanda]

This was sad, but I like it. Good job

[Taylor Ann]

Wow. I can say truthfully that I have never cried while reading a story...except this one. I'm normally not an emotional person, but the characters, the plot, their words and their actions made me full out start sobbing at the end.
It held such a beautiful message, yet such a sorrow filled plot line. I can't decide if i hated the story or loved it. It was so sad! I literally have two tears dripping down my cheeks while writing this review!
Sophie, you have done it again, simply captivated me with one of your stories!
Great work!

[Ama May Cooper]

Wow. This took my breath away.
Im actually wiping tears from my eyes it all felt so real, and powerful. The description you have weilded and placed so beautifully.
I could see her in that chair his hand tightly grapsing watching a girl he grew to love and only held for such a short time.
This is fantastic, beautiful. What a powerful piece of work.

[Secret Lullaby]

OOOMMMGGGG that was SOOOOOOOOOOO good! I even cried!!!!!!

[Persona]

I started off loving it, because you got into the story right away. I like the concept but why say "the girl" at the start when Wes has said Lily? You do things like that a lot. The pacing's off - like you're rushing the story. I do love the humour - a rib not the tumour! But it's like one second he goes to pick her up for the date then POOF they're just randomly at the beach splashing. It's like you're trying to skip out the 'boring parts' which seems more script like rather than story like. Though, I'd love to see you edit this and rework it to make it flow better rather than ideas tossed in (like 'Lilly she misses you') there's no reference to it earlier, I'd love to see a scene for the relationship to develop and then she's saying to Wes, "I miss Lilly" sort of thing. Do you know what I mean? I think this is good and I'd love to re-read once improvements have been made! So please edit and send me a message when you've changed it!

[Lydia]

I always have to brace myself before reading any story about cancer. Because it never turns out well. It was really, really good, though. Much better than the one I wrote. You expressed the feelings of the characters very well. I loved the concept of the Romance Bucketlist, and how Wes was only acting at first, but then fell in love with her in the process. So freaking sad! *wipes tear*

[Gastelum]

damn....

wow.

christ

[Brooklyn]

I. Hate. You. Tears are streaming down my face. You did a great job and I loved it but its just so sad :'(