ABUSE

I want to escape, can I?

IN OBLIVION, YOU ARE NOT REAL, I AM NOT REAL

LIFE IS NOTHING, BUT LIFE IS PAINFUL

LIFE IS NOT LOVE, BUT LIFE IS HATE FUELED

I AM NOT REAL, BUT I FEEL SOMETHING

BUT I FEEL NOTHING AT ALL

I FEEL EMPTY

I AM NOT REAL

BUT THOSE HANDS TIED AROUND MY NECK ARE

AND THOSE SPITEFUL WORDS THAT THEY SPIT AND PUNCTURE MY HEART ARE

AND HIS GRIP, HIS GRIP IS SO TIGHT

YET HE IS SO FAR

AND YET AGAIN, HE STABS MY SOUL WITH A MILLION KNIVES ALL THE WHILE HE HAS NOT MOVED A SINGLE MUSCLE

AND I NOTICE I AM NOT REAL, HE IS NOT REAL

BUT HIS WORDS, THOSE ARE REAL

AND THEN IM EMPTY AGAIN

I SEE HIS LIPS MOVING WITH A FACE THAT ONLY INDICATES HIS WORDS ARE DIRECTED TO HURT ME

THEY DID.

BUT I FEEL NOTHING

I HEAR NOTHING

BUT I SEE HIS HANDS TIGHTEN AND VIENS PROTRUDING AS HE LASHES MY SOUL ONE MORE TIME

"YOU AREN'T S**T"

THIS TIME. I HEARD IT

BUT I FEEL NOTHING

I ACCEPT IT.

I SEE THE BOTTLE

I SEE HIM GRIP IT AND SWING IT BACK, GULP- I KNOW HE FINISHED IT CAUSE HE THREW IT UPON THE GROUND

GLASS SHATTERS I ASSUME, BUT I DO NOT LOOK TO WITNESS THE BREAK, I FEEL BROKEN ENOUGH

BUT I FEEL NOTHING.

WAIT. HES SMILING

"YOU ARE WORTHLESS" "YOU ARE UGLY" "YOU ARE STUPID"

WAIT. WAIT.

I HEAR IT ALL AT ONCE..

HE MADE ME FEEL AGAIN..I KNOW BECAUSE NOW I AM SHAKING, MY KNEES COLLAPSE, AND HE WON

HE SMILES MORE. HES DONE. HIS GRAND DEED FINISHED: TO RUIN ME

BUT I FEEL NOTHING.

NOTHING BUT THE WORDS HE SPIT LINGER IN MY MIND, I AM NOTHING I REPEAT, I AM UGLY I REPEAT

BUT I FEEL NOTHING

NOTHING BUT HIS HANDS, HIS TIGHT ROUGH HANDS USED AS A WEAPON AGAINST THE WEAK FIGHT I HAVE IN ME

I FEEL NOTHING I TELL MYSELF

YOU FEEL NOTHING

YOU ARE NOTHING

AND NOTHING IS REAL

BUT ITS A LIE AND I CANNOT LIVE WITHIN A FACADE

I DO FEEL SOMETHING, I FEEL MY BODY TENSE AS IT BECOMES STIFF, SOON IMOBILE

I FEEL MY SHOULDERS CROUCH AND BODY CURL, IN ORDER TO MAKE MYSELF APPEAR AS SMALL AS I FEEL

I FEEL MY HEART BEATING RAPIDLY, SO FAST EACH PULSE IS A RHYTHMIC MELODY; A SONG OF ANXIETY 

AND THEN I AM LEFT THERE AGAIN ALONE

TO FEEL WHAT I HID FROM FOR SO LONG

DARKNESS

DEMONS

HIS WORDS

HIS GRIP

I FEEL SOMETHING

BUT ITS SOMETHING I WISH I HADNT.

Author's Note

I hope you understand this, I hope you are okay.

Reviews

[PatrickPink]

Holy s**t dude this is a powerful piece. Your phrase repetition drives home the points you're trying to make, and particularly towards the end you do a fantastic job of building the poem's pace!

The only improvement i'd suggest would maybe be dropping the "something" out of the last two lines to make them hit even harder.

"I feel
But I wish I hadn't"

Still fantastic though!

[sette]

the message has been loud and clear... it is a voice wanting to be heard and a hand trying to reach out.. but there is courage displayed.. and i hope you are okay

[marah]

thank you! your words mean more than you know! I HOPE YOU! ARE OKAY

[Phill Oz O'fee]

The use of capitals, the centralised format structure and the varying stanza lengths all contribute to a powerful, painful and poignant write! The abuse at the hands of an alcoholic monstrous individual brings the trauma of your write vividly alive - it is a hard read - but a very brave and relevant share! If this piece comes from a personal experience - I would suggest seeking professional advice!

[marah]

thank you for both the compliments and areas for improvement! i appreciate it a ton and it means a lot!