year without you

A Story by marah

I just need an escape

A year without you, it was truly just a year without me, a year without laughs and pure serenity. I even did the math, it was 365 days spent in confusion of the world around me and who "me" event meant. 8,760 hours spent wondering why the hell did I feel like death corresponded to my ultimate happiness and a way to end my so-called "misery". I spent a year not knowing how to celebrate holidays, not knowing how to withhold stress , and a year not knowing; not knowing anything. A year talking about dads and forgetting what dad meant or where my dad went. I spent a year calculating each moment we shared, each conversation we got lost in, and all the following times after that reminisce was me wishing it could come back. Tired of the past and hidden from reality, I am walking through life blindly, with a sudden urge to sleep with no return. Imagine, sleep, a sleep so deep your worries dissolve and your tears form into florescent snowflakes that shimmer upon your face. You are glowing and an exuberant soul now wondering through the void that was once so unobtainable and those dreary moments are apart of your former self, your living self. However, I spent a year thinking about that eternal rest only to be interrupted due to the hateful noise of the world that brought me back, forcing me to remember I was in fact not asleep, and you would never be there as I would awaken.