Blue Murder (Ed Cesar and Ragged Dog)

Her Majesty has lost the plot,
She's screaming for blue murder,
Whilst Philip twists forget me knots,
Cos the old gal's got dementia!

Big Ben can't find his thirteenth chime,
Cos it was stolen by the band,
So they could hold a faithful note,
As the lights go out in wonderland.

Alice found the Queen,
Hiding underneath the willow tree,
Downing a pint of Stowford Press,
And begging for a pee.

The Queen started singing with the band,
In three part harmony,
Tossed her Stowford and reached for the port,
Which she drank in twos and threes.

The Prince arrived,
With whisky on his breath,
The Queen got mad and told the lads,
It's time to hang the chef.

Meanwhile Kate's in the kitchen,
Holding George the baby,
Screaming at the Queen 'fetch the port',
And 'save me f***ing save me'.

So along comes Charles,
Sporting a tiara,
And leading his pack of hounds,
He looked at Kate,
With the whites of his eyes,
And yelled,
'Fetch another round!'