HOMOPHOBIA: A MODERN SIN

A moderated and edited version of my earlier article of Homophobia: Last Test of Tolerance.

HOMOPHOBIA: A MODERN SIN

Recently we were upset by the ordeal of a young man we will call Kitso. His father had thrown him out of the family home: “Your behavior is a disgrace to me and the family. You shame yourself. You are no son of mine.” Kitso had no choice but to leave and seek shelter away from the only home and family he had known all his young life.

We have come to know Kitso as a responsible young man: a son, brother and citizen, gentle and generous. Only because his son is gay, he was cast out by his father who didn’t care whether his son survived or not. Kitso is brave: He tumbled into a depression, picked himself up and has begun to piece together the fragments of his broken life. We admire his courage.

                Kitso is not alone. Every day in a homophobic family, community or church, gay men and women (and metro-sexual people), are criticized or attacked by all sorts of busybodies who say or hint, that because someone is or merely suspected of being gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans-gendered, he or she is somehow “abnormal” or “corrupt” or even “wicked”.

                Homophobic people say to hurt gays or lesbians that “they” ought to be punished to give up their wrongful ways! Gays? “They” should be made to go medical or social treatment to put right their sick minds. Gays? We who are aren’t the tiniest bit gay don’t care if gays are forced to live on the edge of society in an imposed ghetto. And if gays feel depressed, isolated, wasted, and always under suspicion �" “of what?” we ask it’s obvious that this is their fault.

                Homophobic people split humanity into “us”, normal people and “them”, gay people, and too often gays and lesbians have to live warily, much like black people in a racist white society, or like women in a prejudiced, male dominated society. This heartless and silly habit of sticking labels on people forces gays always to be alert to being ill-treated because of their sexuality. How can they live safely as individuals with their own talents, skills and contributions to society if they are treated as outsiders?

                Allow us to share an everyday situation. We were with Kabo and Kitso in a supermarket when we became aware of a row at the cash point. Kabo was in tears of frustration as Kitso was trying to get an apology from the store manager, politely but firmly. Kabo had been jeered at and insulted by two female employees. Why? Kabo is young, gay, mildly effeminate and well mannered. Others in the queue were silent and showed neither sympathy nor support. Much less did they show indignation against the cashiers’ outrageous behavior. The manager of the store was sympathetic and apologetic. We felt angry, stormed out of the store because there was little we could do except to comfort Kabo.

FROM VICIOUS NONSENSE TO BETTER SENSE

Fortunately there have been moves towards more civilized laws, practices, and attitudes. As long ago as 1892 at the funeral of the poet Walt Whitman, the orator Robert G. Ingersoll quoted Whitman: “Not until the sun excludes you will I exclude you.” Whitman was and still is the poet of humanity and sympathy.

                And in April 1935, Sigmund Freud, one of the greatest psychologists of the 20^th century, had a letter from a despairing American mother. Her son was homosexual and she begged for Freud’s advice. In those days the word “gay” was not used commonly. Freud replied to reassure her, and others, gay or straight: “Being homosexual is assuredly no advantage, but is not something to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation, it cannot be classified as an illness; we consider it to be a variation of the sexual function… Many highly respectable individuals of ancient and modern times have been or are homosexuals… Plato, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da’Vinci, etc. It is a great injustice to prosecute homosexuality as a crime, and cruelty too.”

In 2014 we would add that homosexuality has as many forms and variations as heterosexuality. Neither can be reduced to crude sexual passion. Freud did not offer a promise for treatment. No illness. No treatment.

By 1974, the conservative American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. Why? It was argued that gay behavior is only a variation of what we would usually call normal sexual behavior and is not a disorder to be treated. A gay man or woman can be nice or nasty, bright or stupid, loving or solitary, a thousand people and their opposites, just like a non-gay person. There is no way to distinguish gay or lesbian people from the rest of the world. What alone distinguishes gay people is their sexuality and how society interprets it. And anyway, an individual’s lifestyle is one’s own affair. It is not madness if one is gay. It does not mean harm to others.

In the United Kingdom in 1957, after three years of intense debate, the Wolfenden Committee issued its report that recommended that homosexual acts between consenting adults should no longer be criminal. Despite objections from conservative churchmen, politicians and lawyers, the law was changed without further ado. Society did not sink into a morass of immorality as the lawyer Lord Devlin seemed to expect. And now in 2014, many Christians, for example, the Quakers and some major protestant churches and their leaders in the United States of America and the United Kingdom, seem to be accepting freely, gay couples and individuals. Even a handful of African bishops favor change, for example, Desmond Tutu.

In India, in 2009, the world’s largest democracy, a superior court overturned a law from the colonial past that banned homosexual acts. The court felt that such a law violated fundamental human rights. Of course some Hindu, Muslim and Christian preachers hurried to denounce the liberal laws. They cried that it would damage the Indian family and its traditional values. Which values? How and why? This was only explained by retreating to traditional prejudices.

Since its liberation, South Africa has abandoned sexually discriminating laws, and it seems that most attitudes to gays and lesbians are accepting of differences. A new South Africa is largely tolerant and far away from such evil laws as the mercifully disbanded Immorality Act.

THE MORAL DEBATE

Often the typical homophobic person is both aggressive and scared of letting gays and lesbians to be like any other citizen. The more educated homophobe might agree with Lord Devlin’s views. He wrote in his Enforcement of Morals in 1979 that, “A recognized morality is as necessary to society’s existence as a recognized government” (Page 13). He continued that, “It is then difficult to alter the law without giving the impression that moral judgement is being weakened…” (Page 81)

                So never change anything? Even evil laws that enforce racism and slavery, or laws that criminalize gay acts? The moral standing of laws that abolish homophobic laws or the violence of Sharia law would, we believe, be strengthened, and not weakened, if homophobic laws and practices were abolished. If homophobic laws and practices were abolished, men and women with different sexualities could be free and encouraged to learn from childhood to accept differences, to welcome them and one another’s common humanity, and we could learn to work together in the common task of survival.

                Unfortunately for national debate, homophobia is justified, doubtfully, by referring to Leviticus 20:13, where there is a long list of offences that deserve death. Some guidance this is! Among the examples of extreme wickedness are cursing your parents, adultery and working on the Sabbath. And in Leviticus 15, a new bride who could not prove that she was a virgin was stoned to death. Among those and other so called offences was a man sleeping with another man. Homosexuality? How many young men and young women have to sleep together because they have neither room enough nor beds in poorer Africa and Asia, now and in biblical times? No one knows nor should one care. Poverty compels the evil of overcrowding. This is the real and urgent social problem.

GAY, NON-GAY AND THE FAITHFUL

If I go to a church, a chapel, a mosque or a synagogue, I have no idea if the person praying next to me is gay or straight. Nor do I care. Nor should I care! Unlike gays in Nazi concentration camps, gays and lesbians do not wear pink triangles. Without these signs how would one have recognized these outcasts? The constitution of South Africa includes a provision of a Bill of Rights: including Human Dignity: everyone has inherent dignity and the right to have their dignity respected and protected. A person’s dignity should be respected, protected and encouraged by society’s laws. Being gay or lesbian is not a sin. Even the current Pope Francis has advocated strongly that the Catholic Church should include gays and lesbians as brothers and sisters.

                The philosopher John Macmurray was very much concerned with what faith means for the faithful, and like Jesus, he believed that Christianity was not only for the salvation of Christians but rather for the whole world. No person was to be excluded, all people were members of the human race. Even gay people! He saw Christianity as a revolutionary religion that sought however imperfectly, for a world community that respected all individuals. It sought to set people free, except those who would not allow freedom to others: Fanatics, fundamentalists, evangelists, set gays free! What is there to fear from homosexuality?

                Ask yourselves if anyone’s life is made better by homophobic laws, fears, fantasies, and practices? Ask yourselves what is real about being gay? What is fancy? Try honestly to understand what you really fear and expect, and ask yourselves why are you so fearful and why you hate?

                Learn from the Quakers who have long accepted gays and lesbians as brothers and sisters because they recognize and welcome that many homosexual people play a full part in the life of society. In July 2009 the Quakers held discussions to help them recognize in love, friends whose experience may be different. God, the Quakers believe, is in everyone and for everyone and has a contribution to make.

                Gays and lesbians often face attacks from homophobic Christian or Islamic groups. Gays and lesbians often have to oppose the emotional attractiveness of fundamentalist religious faiths that deny to others the right to have different ways of life. This anti-freedom encourages violence against gays because it supports violent social attitudes and punitive laws in a way that is not part of genuine Christianity…

A HOMOPHOBIC SOCIETY IS A SICK SOCIETY

When slavery existed in the United States of America, it was often claimed that were types of mental disorders that were only found among African-Americans. If they ran away more than twice they were said to be insane. Even now, many societies seem to imply that gays and lesbians are either mad or bad, hard to understand, and therefore dangerous to live with. And even in Christian countries like Botswana and Uganda, enlightened lawyers and activists trying at least to moderate anti-gay legislation have to overcome much opposition. Even now in many countries, if you are gay or lesbian, gays may be punished or put to death as in Iran, or treated as mentally ill or wicked as in Nigeria. Being openly gay may put a person at risk of going through a rough time and denied their individuality.

                Children, women and men are senselessly robbed of a part of their growing-up identity by society’s hostility to gays and lesbians. In a homophobic society one is forbidden to live as a true self and has to make-do with a false self that may keep one out of harm’s way. The individual is forced to sometimes suspect that the family or the community may punish, mock or reject them. Hate begets hate! Individuals have the right to feel and express their hurt feelings, anxieties, anger and disappointment, and one should not be surprised if a gay group becomes morbidly defensive.

                You do not have to be openly insulted like Kitso was to be made to feel like outcast. Sometime ago on a local radio interview in Botswana, anti-homophobic sentiments were expressed moderately by two of the speakers. The radio administrators were so nervous that the usual repeat was abruptly cancelled. What was this dangerous topic? What it feels like to be gay, its experiences, challenges and disappointments.

                A homophobic individual, family or community lives in a world of imaginary dangers. It is a disturbed or paranoid world governed by fantasies that the world is corrupted by wicked fairies and witches. How this world comes about in disturbed minds or communities is sometimes a mystery, and not always clear, but is characterized by a delusion that this individual or group is endangered by gays or lesbians. Gays or lesbians are in some way held responsible for one’s misfortunes. Misfortunes? Because of uncertainties the blame for what is going wrong is put on any convenient target, for example, the Nazis blamed the Jews and murdered six million of them, and imprisoned and punished other people. Children rarely have such crazy fears and hatreds. You have to learn to hate! Adults with such crazy fears and hatred teach children to be fearful and hateful, and if you force a stigmatized group to act as a group there is an obvious target: Jews, gays, socialists… There is never a shortage of targets to blame for what is feared or has gone wrong. Moreover, religion and politics have always been able to invent new ideas, excuses and encouragements to harm a target group. For example, think about Hitler and Dr Verwoerd.

                Gays and lesbians want to live as individuals not as members told what they must be. Individuals who are, never-the-less, a part of the larger human society and want to freely participate as best they can. For the homophobic individuals and groups within politics or religion, nothing is real. For them the stress of poverty, inequality, ignorance and misunderstanding of the real world is side-tracked. A narrow gaze is fixed onto imaginary issues. The human mind needs opening not shutting.

MYTHS THE HOMOPHOBICS BELIEVE

Have you ever heard the myth that Africans were created by God to be slaves? This was a myth for those Christians who needed to justify the slavery that enriched them. Or the myth that Jews and communists are mysteriously in control of the world? A myth that Nazi racists used to justify mass murder. The myth that being gay or lesbian is in some way immoral and will destroy the family and community is a myth dangerously common in Africa. Christians should attack the myths about gays and lesbians that are so common in Africa.

                Alone and in communities, human beings live by believing myths and by not challenging them. We hide from ourselves whatever upsets, scares or disgusts us, and we cling to ideas that we hope might help us feel protected, like religion. Reality is often unpleasant, however what upsets us does not easily vanish. We often make the upsetting vanish by living in a dense forest of myths among untrue but comforting beliefs that are without foundation. We live with dreams and nightmares that have hidden meanings and that offer illusions that we are in control of our world, of our inner troubling feelings.

                Let us get some myths out of the way:

1.       Being gay or lesbian is not unnatural any more than being two meters tall is unnatural. Unusual possibly. Tallness is only a problem if sufficient people or the law decide that it’s a problem. Human beings are unusual in many ways.

 

For example, sex can be good and appropriate for making babies, but that does not mean that non-procreation sex is unnatural.  What is unnatural at this or that age in different cultures with their different values depends on what people treasure and decide is natural. Like everyone else, gays and lesbians make different sexual choices, and among them will be companionship, love, understanding, and concern about other people.

 

2.       Being gay is not contrary to family values, indeed gays are often anxious to create families and care for children. Has there ever been a community in which families were destroyed by gays? Never!

 

3.       Homosexuals are not willingly locked into a closed world of their own any more than persecuted Jews in Nazi Germany. Gays are no more or less sociable than heterosexuals, but in a homophobic community gays have good reason to be wary. Exactly like heterosexuals, gays are personally different in a thousand ways. If society is not homophobic then gays and lesbians will be as open, varied and sociable as anyone else. Like heterosexuals, gays need the emotional and social space, security and support of a sane society.

 

4.       Gays do not see the world through gay glasses unless family and society force them to do so in their own defense. If gay people are forced to defend themselves by living within a group for identity, then they have to adopt a second-best identity. It may be safer but it is impoverished and shriveled. The wider society should be grateful that so many gay people manage to be creative, professional and out-going, and can live cooperating and loving lives despite the anxieties and stresses that they are forced to deal with.

 

The personal is political. In many societies gay people have united their struggles to be accepted as individuals with other groups struggling for freedom. For example: in Botswana, LeGaBiBo (Lesbian Gays and Bisexuals of Botswana) aren’t aloof from other groups struggling for rights. Another example: in South Africa in the 1980’s, Simon Nkole was both gay and an activist, and as an active member of the ANC (African National Congress), he was charged with treason and could have been jailed or hanged. His “gay glasses” sharpened his perception of the evils of apartheid, and in the USA (United States of America), the African-American writer James Baldwin devoted his life to opposing racism, poverty and homophobia. He reminded us all that skin color is not a human or personal reality. It is a political reality. Men and women who think of themselves as leaders ought to know better and should believe, behave and encourage others to behave as though an individual’s sexuality or skin color says very little about a person or a group. And there is no reason what-so-ever to think that heterosexuals are more-fit to make laws and invent values than are the Kitso's and Kabo's out there. If any of our children grows up to be gay or lesbian, we would be completely unworried. We would be happy if they are happy and we would share our happiness and theirs with anyone: gay or lesbian.

WHAT IS TO BE DONE NOW!

Most important! Don’t let society try to force us to accept the lie that being gay is a sin. Apartheid and American racism used education and force to get Africans to believe that they were rubbish and always would be. Racism and homophobia are both sins.

                Like heterosexuals, gay and lesbian people carry with them doubts that only individuals can answer for themselves. What are we doing, however small it might be, in our everyday lives to challenge heterosexual attempts to demean, persecute or bully to make us feel inferior or unworthy? How have we talked about what we can do to counter the homophobic atmosphere in which we live? How can we protest with deep feelings on the streets, shops or elsewhere? As individuals what can we do, what do we do, to make life bearable without timidly acting as though gay people were invisible?

                Gay people have to be humanists who stand up for their rights, and who stand with all groups who suffer from the grimness of poverty, discrimination, stigma or the risk of being cast off by the main society. The irrationality and sin of homophobia must never be allowed to win an argument. Some years ago an MP in Uganda, David Bahati, tried to argue that being gay was “un-African”. He was answered by the former head of state of Botswana, Festus Mogae, who reminded us that no matter where you are from, in your community there will be some people who are gay. The important thing for a society to do now is to deal with its poverty and inequality and not worry about the trivial issue that some people are gay. Education not punitive law is what people need to help them to understand one another.

                Gay people do not beg a homophobic society for love. Gays ask, with dignity and patience, to be trusted and respected as individuals, and treated with justice and fairness, and welcomed for all that they can do for the betterment of the world. They are exactly the same as any heterosexual person or community. They ask for no more than to be allowed and encouraged to be themselves and to live freely. It is healthier to embrace your true self, a self that does not harm anyone, than to be depressed and isolated.

                Being gay does not spread disease. It does not affect social development or the economy in a negative way. It does not create poverty nor does it kill people. It is high time for a move towards change, tolerance, and away from the foolish sin of homophobia.

Ludo Kitso Senome

Author's Note

Some grammer problems. Please feel free to review. Edited from the previous versions by myself, Tolerance and Society and Homophobia: Last Test of Tolerance. New references used. Looking to publish.