16 years

Mother's cigarette smoke would dance and twirl; until vanishing amongst the cool breeze that hit my cheeks hard. Each breath she exhaled could tell a story on its own and I think that's why I miss her most. Much like the smoke, my life was short and almost as quite and beautiful. I don't know if mother is watching me but I am watching her. I always will.

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Around the age of five, I'd already accepted myself both physically and mentally. Each freckle that had pressed amongst the skin of my back was like a friend to me. I spent quite a lot of time admiring them from the mirror, much to mothers despite. She told me not to be vain and I put trust into her as I saw models that had grown vile much to their appearance. At the age of seven I had realised that these models were confident. I never wanted to be one of course, but there was something about the way they walked and laughed that screamed out to me; 'I love myself'. I never knew why mother didn't appreciate me when I appreciated myself, being confident was good. When I had turned ten in late March, I took more and more notice of each man, women and child. I liked people watching. No matter how ugly you could find someone, there would most certainly be something about them that was glorious. A few years later, I was sixteen and no one except my mother saw beauty in me. At times this got me down; I'd spent my life appreciating people themselves however in return I had gotten nothing.

There were bundles of beautiful boys and girls in all of my classes. Some of the snobbiest girls would even showed beauty, whether it was through their flowing, blonde hair or if the divorce of their parents shone through their expensive purses and attitude. I remember there was this one boy a year above me. He didn't seem like much but if you took time to watch him, you'd see each bit of emotion he'd express in the shortest sentences. His name was Tod Wilks and from what I've seen, he'd spent most of highschool kept to himself. He seemed content with the small group of people that did appreciate him but there was something about him that I thought more people should have got to known before he passed away in May the next year. I do miss him from time to time. I miss a lot of my family and I missed the one friend I had made, Tod Wilks.