Hunted - Chapter 1

Would it be considered bravery or stupidness? Is that even a word? Maybe I have my answer.

I wiped the table, picked up the trash and headed over to the next table to repeat the process

I've been in this town for two weeks and haven't had anything happen, so maybe I had made a smart decision. I growled at my inner thoughts. Of course it's not a smart decision. One wrong move could lead to my eternal doom. I sighed. Am I living in the medieval times or something?! Why do I do this to myself?! I took a deep breathe. First of all, I need to stop overthinking. I'm just lucky.

I turned and bumped into Brian. I didn't realize he was standing there. The glass from his hand dropped shattering into a million pieces. I think I just jinxed the lucky part.

"I'm so sorry Brian, I didn't see you there!" His soft brown eyes looked into mine.

"It's fine, Jade. It's my fault. I should've been more careful!" He started trying pick up the glass shards.

"I'll grab the broom." I tell him as I carefully avoid the glass on the ground. My heart beat increases as I try to make my way around. Quickly grabbing the broom, I carefully make my way around to Brian. I push the broom into his hands. "Can you handle this, I'm going to help the customer!"

"Customers? There's no cust-"

The door chimes jingled, alerting us to customer walking into the restaurant. I smiled at him and rushed to the counter.
I have been working at this small coffee shop for around a week and half. I had luckily run into Brian on my 2nd day in Simcoe. A small beautiful city. The only reason I was hired immediately was because of Brian's crush on me. I could see it every time he snuck glances at me when he thought I couldn't see. Or the way he rushed out of the kitchen everytime he thought I was having a hard time. Or the way his heartbeat increased whenever he was beside me.

My heart ached a bit. It was the guilt. I know I was taking advantage of Brian, but I had no other choice.

Brian finished cleaning and rushed over to help me. Brian was cute with his curly brown hair, the cute dimples when he smiled but I couldn't risk considering him anything more than that. For his sake and mine.

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, you did ask for comment, so you have only yourself to blame. Still, since you’ll never address the problem you don’t see as being one, I thought you would want to know.

The problem you face is partly that you’re editing as the author, not a reader. That matters because the author cheats. You BEGIN reading already knowing the story, the characters, the situation, and the objective of the scene. And because you know all that as-you-wrote, you left out things that seemed too obvious to mention. So let’s sit in the reader’s chair and view it that way:

• Would it be considered bravery or stupidness?

“It?” How can the “it” have meaning when we don’t know where we are in time or space, don’t know what’s going on, and, don’t know whose skin we wear? Words we have, and they make sense to you. But the reader has no context, so to them, it’s 7 words on a row, meaning unknown.

Will it clarify if the reader continues? It might, but, is there a second first-impression? Is there a reason for the reader to want to read on? Missing information isn’t a mystery, it’s just missing information.

But…when you read this, it points to the image you held as you wrote it, plus backstory, and intent, all stored in your mind.

But what of the reader? For them, it points to the image you held as you wrote this, plus backstory, and intent, all stored in *YOUR* mind. And with you not there t clarify...

See the problem? As Mark Twain put it: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

So, why do you have all that, “Just ain’t so?” It’s not do to a lack of talent, or how well you write. In fact, it’s a problem you share with pretty much everyone who turns to writing fiction, myself included. The reason is two things we forget, and one thing we’re not told in school.

The first thing we forget is that professional knowledge is acquired IN ADDITION to the general skills of school. And they offer degree programs in Commercial Fiction-Writing. And since we have to assume that at least some of what’s taught is necessary, we need to do a bit of research and study, to acquire the skills the pros take for granted.

The second thing is that all the reports and essays we were assigned in school served to make us proficient in the nonfiction writing skills that most employers require of us. And the goal of nonfiction is to inform. So if we try to write fiction with those skills it will read like a report, a chronicle of events, or a history book. And who reads them for fun?

The thing they didn’t tell us? They never mentioned the goal of fiction, which is to provide an emotional experience. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

So we don’t tell the reader what happened and what was said, we make the reader feel as if it’s happening to them, in real-time. And that cannot happen if we’re alone on stage talking TO the reader, about the story.

Think about it? How can the reader truly understand why the protagonist does and says what they do if we don’t know the situation as-the-protagonist-does.

Using the tricks and techniques of fiction-writing we can make the reader feel that time is passing for them at the same rate as it is for the protagonist. It makes the narrator appear only in service of the protagonist, never as the storyteller. And of greater importance, because we’re forced to live the scene in real-time as the protagonist as we write, it takes the act of daydreaming to a whole new level, and makes the act of writing a LOT more fun.

We also miss something critical: When we read fiction we don’t see the decision points where the author chose to have the protagonist choose to do B instead of A, for a more realistic story. We no more see and learn to use the tricks than we learn how to use two colors on the same brush by viewing a painting of flowers. We see only the result of using those techniques. But we do expect to see that in what we read. More to the point, your reader expects to see that in your work. And that’s the single best argument I know of for acquiring a bit of an author’s education.

And with THAT I can help—or at least point you in the right direction.

If you begin with a book or two on the techniques of the profession, it’s cheaper and less complex than taking courses. You work when you have time, and at your own pace. There’s no pressure, and, no tests (yay!). The library’s fiction-writing section is a great resource. Personally? I’d suggest starting with Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, which recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found, to date, at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

Try a few chapters. I think you’ll be glad you did. And if a kind of an overview of the field would help, the articles in my WordPress writing blog are based on the kind of things you’ll find in such a book.

But whatever you do, don’t let this throw you. You face the same problems we all do, so it’s kind of a rite-of-passage, not a disaster. So hang in there, and keep on writing. It never gets any easier, but after a while you do become confused on a higher level, because writing isn’t a destination. It’s a lifelong journey.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Lucydragon-magma (Dametus)]

Hi JayG,
Thank you for your feedback!
I will for sure take a look at the sites you have provided and try to improve my writing!