rain on me

april 2011

love

it brings the rain

like kisses from the ocean waves

in the mist, on empty roads

we live small

why don't you just talk to me

as we pass the air

why don't you just talk to me

love, it brings the heat

like burning hills

bring embers and red sunsets

in the smoke along the way

i was thinking 

about talking to you'

between the sweat of lovers

the glares of lost souls 

and wondering dreams

hoping you would talk to me

love, please

rain on me

as i lay down in the lightning fields

for everlong

he was smoking cigarettes 

she was hitting high notes and stealing sunsets

love 

it brings the weight

of the worlds, down on tired backs

and if i drag

please just talk to me

when in trouble

i need to

rain

Reviews

[Legacy]

Jessie Dana,

What is it about that rain, that fascinates us to include in our written words. As children we are sometimes told little tales about God crying or angels showering...

Rain - a description used in sadness or tears in passion or fear.

The usage or rain here is beautiful. I feel pain and wanton of passion within its structure.

I enjoyed the capture of emotion and a bit of imagery to top it off.

Thank you for sharing this poem!

Have a great day,

Legacy

[Joseph D. Smith]

I do love the overall tone of this poem, but it was kind of hard to follow. I get the message, but it just doesn't seem to flow the best it can.

The part I love the most about this poem is that you show, rather than tell. If I had to say what would make it better is to say a little less; it's like my Writer's Club teacher told me, "Write a lot about a little, but don't write a little about a lot."

Great job though!