She looked over at him from her spot in the corner of the dance floor. “What if?” She wondered silently. That was the question. What if? What if she had chosen him instead of the man who currently had his arm draped around her shoulders? How would things have turned out? Would she be a completely different person? Would they be married? Have kids? Still be dancing? These were questions she had obsessed over repeatedly for the past decade. It wasn’t that she didn’t like or even love the man standing next to her, she did; however, she couldn’t help but think she could have loved the man across the room more. She shifted her eyes from him, to her fiancée beside her. “You okay? You seem a little off tonight.” He said, searching her eyes for answers. She smiled, a fake smile, and nodded her head before speaking. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. I was up all night working.” “Do you want to go, so you can get some sleep?” She thought about his offer. Did she want to go? No, she wanted to stay right where she was and watch the man across the room reunite with old friends. “No. I’d rather not. I want to stay for a little while longer.” He smiled, placing a kiss on her cheek.
She watched as he laughed at a joke. She couldn’t help but smile at that familiar smirk adorning his face. He looked up and in that instant caught her eye. She froze, the smile slowly fading from her face. He cocked his head to the side, trying to figure out if it was really her. He uttered a polite “Excuse me” as he began to make his way to where she stood. Her heart pounded in her chest as she watched him come towards her. “What do I do? What do I do? I can’t talk to him. I can’t do this.” Her head screamed as she looked for a quick escape. “I forgot something in the car.” She whispered hurriedly to her fiancée as she dashed off the dance floor. She heard someone call her name from behind, but she didn’t bother to answer. She leapt through the door and out into the parking lot.
A chill went up her as the cold, crisp night air surrounded her, soaking through her t-shirt. She looked behind her, noting that no one was there. Breathing a sigh of relief, she sat on the curb, her head in her hands. “I thought you were a dancer, not a track star.” A voice said from behind her. She stiffened, knowing exactly who it belonged to. “I just needed some air.” “Obviously. You ran out of there pretty fast. You okay?” She could feel him looking at her, as he took a seat beside her. “Yeah. Just fine.” She whispered, keeping her head in her hands and her eyes shut. “If you say so.” He stated simply, pulling her hands away from her face. She tried her best to focus her eyes somewhere other than him, but found it impossible. Soon she was looking up into his blue eyes. “You look different. Good, but different.” He said, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. His touch sent shivers up her spine. “You cold?” He asked noticing her shiver. “A little.” She lied. He took off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. “Thanks.” “No problem. So how’s life been treating you?” ‘How’s life been treating me? Terribly since I made the biggest mistake of my life,’ She thought. “Pretty good,” She quickly lied. “And yours?” “Good.” She looked at the ground, dipping the tip of her shoe in the murky puddle in front of her. “Do you love him?” He asked suddenly, causing her head to jerk up. “What?” “Do you love him?” He asked once more, nodding towards the man standing just inside the studio doors. She thought about his question. Did she love her fiancée? The real answer to that question, not as much as she did the person sitting beside her. She knew, however, she could never admit that fact to anyone but herself. “Yeah, he’s great.” He nodded, taking in her answer. “So you don’t regret the decision you made?” “No.” She lied once more. “Fair enough.” He said with a forced smile.
Silence filled the space between them as they both thought about the answer she gave. “Hey you guys, come back in. We have a surprise for you.” One of the older dancers said from the door. They exchanged worried glances. Surprises were rarely pleasant. “I wonder what they’re planning…” She said nervously. “I don’t know, but I don’t think you and I have a choice.” He said with a laugh. She nodded as they both stood. He opened the door for her, allowing her to enter first. “What do ya‘ll need?” She asked. “Just come on.“ Another dancer said, leading them onto the dance floor. “All of us here realized something tonight. You two haven’t danced together in ten years. Now’s the time to change that. So here you go.” The song that had once been theirs began playing in the background as the other dancers left the floor. She closed her eyes, praying someone that would kill her now. The last time they had danced was to that very same song, the night she‘d made her decision and the night he’d left. It had been ten years since she‘d danced with him and ten years since she‘d heard that song. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He said, noticing her discontent. “No. It’s fine. We can dance.” She said placing her hand in his. She watched as he counted the beat and started to move. She followed, suddenly feeling all her old emotions for him resurfacing. “Focus on the steps, focus on the steps.” She repeated to herself, tears brimming in her eyes. “Keep it together.” She demanded to herself. The last chords of the song played and he dipped her gracefully. She looked up at him in the instant, and saw the look she knew was also on her face. He was feeling the exact same way she was. They stayed like that for a moment, simply staring at each other and feeling the pain they’d hidden]for so long. “That was great!” Someone yelled, breaking the two from whatever moment they were having. He placed her back on the floor, turned, and retreated from the studio. She stood there, watching him leave. “That was wonderful, sweetie.” Her fiancée said, pulling her into a hug. She pushed away, mumbling a sorry, before turning and chasing after the man who’d just left.
“Hey! Wait up!” She yelled, bursting outside. She chased him down and grabbed his arm, turning him to face her. “Had I known you were in town I wouldn’t have come here at all.” He said hurt displayed on his face. She stumbled backwards, as if he’d just slapped her. “I..I’m sorry… I never meant to hurt. You have to understand that. I never wanted to hurt you.” “You may have never meant to hurt me, but you did. You don’t know how hard I have tried to erase your memory, but I can‘t. I loved you and you chose to stay here, you chose to be with someone else. You chose him over me. Do you know what that feels like? Of course you don‘t. You have the one you want.” She stood there, feeling as if she wanted to die. She had hurt him, badly; but didn’t he know that he wasn’t the only one hurting? Didn’t he know her decision had destroyed her life too? “I do know what it feels like to hurt.” She stated suddenly, catching them both by surprise. “Do you think my decision hasn’t affected me? You don’t know how many nights I have sat up and thought about how things would be different had I chosen you, had I went with you. I lied to you, I’m not happy. In fact, I’m miserable. I am standing in front of the only man I have ever loved and I can’t have him, because the man I am engaged to is the one I chose. I was young, I was stupid, I wasn’t ready to make a decision like I did. I made a mistake, one that will haunt me forever. So yes, I know what pain, what hurt, feels like. I am well aware of it.” She yelled, tears streaming down her face. He stared at her for a moment, before pulling her into his arms. She welcomed his embrace, sobbing into his chest. They stayed like that until her sobs subsided and the hiccups set in. He pulled away from her, looking into her eyes. “I have to go back where I belong and so do you. Go back inside…to him…to where you belong.” She looked up at him pitifully. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. “Me too.” He said, turning and walking to his car.
He unlocked the door, opened it, and turned to her. “I really did love you, and I wish we’d made it; but I know you made the decision you had to. Promise me you‘ll stop beating yourself up over it. It‘s not worth it to you, me, or him.” She nodded slowly, “I promise.” He smiled once more before getting in the car and closing the door. She watched as he started his car and drove away, leaving her and her heart behind him. She turned, making her way back inside the dance studio. “Was that who I think it was?” Someone asked as she walked in the door. She smiled sadly. “Yeah, it was.”
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