Annoying Pests!

Sigh, oh gosh, I have to clean my room!!! Again… my mom screams from the kitchen “Honey, get the laundry!!! Come on Mary! Your uncles are coming!!”

“But mom you just told me like two seconds ago to clean my room!!” always telling me to do this and that and it is uuurgh!! Sometimes she becomes the ugly stepmother! (Even though she is my mom and my parents are happily married and sadly I am not Cinderella)

” ok, fine, clean your room Mary but you know laundry comes next!”  “I will mom got it…” what I hated about “parties” it is that my mom gets all crazed up over nothing and then I wish earth can swallow me or something!

******* two hours later*****

“Here comes, the evil association!”

A welcoming thought to my two little cousins

“The evil pest and the eviler doctor! Drum roll please!”

They sneer at me, I timidly lead them into my room, open the door for them (my room becomes the day care for them…)

Like two monkeys they hang on to the computer (my cousin is the evil one and I can not help to say but he looks like a monkey)

Then I go outside to m big backyard and talk to my family members. I get bored sanded by my worried aunt, I go to check on them and I was amazed just by walking into my room…

My pillows on the floor! my sheet on the floor and my ruler broken on the floor. The only thing saved was my teddy bear. I think!

“ AAAAh , evil monsters, clean my room immediately !!”

My monkey cousin looks at me, goes to the floor, picks everything up and slams it on top of my bed. Nine and still can act like a four year old, my bed what’s left of it looks, because of him like a flat surface with a pile of dirty clothes. I give him the evil look, my other cousin he is 11 years old looks at me and silently gestures my monkey cousin to do it right. His reward was ice-cream with hot fudge.

I most of my life have lived alone, well no siblings, its great! But the silence is unbearable all I have is my phone to text…

I hear giggles coming from my room… what are these evil monsters up to? Quietly tiptoeing against the floorboard leaning my ear to my door and hearing this…

“Hello, hello, hello troy, hello, hello, hello this is Mary, hello yeah you know “

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PHONE!!”

The phone drops out of their hands just softly to  ...” who are you?! This is not Mary! Hello!he-hellooo…”

*click*

“What do you think you two were doing” I sit down at the edge of my bed look at them both

“Nothiiing!” a chorus of sweet lies!

“Grrr! Just get out! And watch Icarly or something in the living room!! Goo!”

My little cousin’s fake tears sprang out of his eyes while my monkey cousin stares at me accusingly

“I am going to tell my mom, and your dad” the tears magically dissapear

Raising my eyebrow” go ahead, I don’t care!”

Both start crying. I swear boys are annoying, they not only know how to cry, they know at an early age how to lie. I tell you it’s in their blood!

 I Go to look for troy’s name in my phone text him saying” ^{hey troy, um I’m sorry about that, my little cousins grabbed my phone …}”

His sweet reply was^{” don’t worry about it, it’s alright :)”}

Stupid smiley face, I felt like calling him saying… did you know that your stupid smiley faces make me go in the clouds?!!

But no, I did not do that, not only because when I text him, it feels like this big enchanting world of happiness and gentle manners because.. he was the only thing that I felt safe with…

 

Author's Note

basically introduces her dreams and her life and her crush... what do you think?:)

Reviews

[Lady]

Mary is definitely a girl full of personality. Love the way you illustrated the text messages. Very creative and interesting. Brings life to the page.

My only tip would be that you limit the amount of exclamation points to 2 or 3 to a page. That way when you do happen to use one, it feels more significant to the reader.

Great job here!

[PyroKitty24]

I wonder what the plot for this story is. It just seems kind of random. And it was a bit fast paced and confusing. i think it has some potential though

[kasanova]

my sister is like your cousins, it really sucks

[Daniel88Batson]

It was nice.
But I've read some of your poetry and it really speaks something.
Maybe use some literary licence and integrate some more experimental methods.

None-the-less a lovely introduction. I'll be sure to read more.
=D

[Calypso]

Funny

[Rene Velez]

nice intro, and pretty eventful writing, the evil monkey in my closet, LOL

[Ashli The Amazing]

ha yeah boys are annoying i can totally relate to her! this was great i can't wait to read more! ^_^

[Autumn]

I was having a bad day when I wrote the first review, and I'm sorry I was so harsh. I've been too caught up in proofreading profesional work lately that anything less seems to be unimportant. This is a grand writing style as it is much easier to express emotion through it. I'd be willing to help you if you ever wanted help on the grammar and to clean it up, but if you'd like to keep it original, that's your choice. I respect that. Hope you can forgive my outburst, it was out of place.

With love,
Autumn


Original Review:

I'm going to thrash this, I'm so sorry. The grammar is killing me and I cannot even get into this. It seems like a piece a wanna-be middle school writer wrote to try and impress a certain someone. I am OCD about good grammar, and unless a story has good grammar, I won't read it. Before writing a story, think of what your english teach would accept, and be professional. A publisher would take one look at this and toss it in the metal trash can next to her. That's reality. Now, to fix this, carefully read other books, ones for young adults and teenagers, such as twilight, and note the way that the author writes.

An author writes in formal text, doesn't use three explamation points in a row, has correct comma ussage, and if they use, ". . ." then they use it right. There is never a word in all caps, and never do they write in color. When an author wants to be creative, say, when they are writing a letter, then they might use a font that represents handwriting better.

I'm not going to be all sweet with you because, "Oh, you've written a cute little story," and I would hate it if people did that to me. However, don't feel down. All of us wrote . . . well, somewhat like you do at one point or another. This just seems like you're being careless, I'm sorry.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Sounds like Mary's world is the same as the one I shared as a teen with two little sisters........a nightmare at times......good start Brenda

[StarSandwich]

:D heheee, loveing it. Things like this do happen and are happening to alot of people right now :D