Trying To Get Out Of My Mind

It has been a rough couple of days...

Her foundation is broken

or maybe she never had a basement to begin with

must not, with all the junk being in the attic

she wonders how could she not have forseen and stopped yesterday

she fears tomorrow even more

her life is stuck on a dead end road

with the gears of the truck stuck in neutral

in a bad neighborhood with no cell phone

she is at her wits end

it is a do or die sitiuation

her last chance

the big one

etc, etc, etc, etc,etc,etc,etc,etc

 

 

my head hurts

maybe I should take a nap

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

This is very interesting. It's obviously quite stream-of-consciousness style. I like how it is left totally open as to whom "she" is, or indeed, what she represents, and what happened yesterday is not explained either. It's not relevant, as we get the idea and the mood. Not explaining it helps make this poem feel personal to the reader. The heart of the poem, for me, is definitely "her life is stuck on a dead end road, with the gears of the truck stuck in neutral, in a bad neighborhood, with no cell phone".... a brief but effective expression of feeling and situation, without being tied to context. This is a moment of clarity amidst chaos, an excerpt from the book of someone's life, and that gives it a pleasingly, slightly voyeuristic feel, like a couple of sentences you accidentally read in someone's diary, or like the crying woman you saw for a moment in the train station, and you wondered what her story was. Life is simply a serious of disconnected moments strung together. Excellent write.

I would change "not of foreseen" to "not have foreseen" as it's a bit more elegant. Overall, this is great!

[Poetic Beauty]

The ending is quite funny kind of. It reminds me of someone trying to write a book.

[Val]

I like this.