True Calling

This is a long one, as well as a hard one for me to write, I just hope it makes sense:)

       The Past
Everyone told me that I should give up hope
think of you dead, all strung out on dope
Thrown aside, left dead in a ditch, left to rot
I could not bear this thought
First I went crazy, needing to know
but only for a moment,
for I looked back actuality
then prefered to see possibility,
since I didn't know reality
I made up a world where I thought you'd be happy to be
No longer, I worried, no longer, I cried
I put you there, and set you aside
as many years passed by
Then one day, out of the blue
An energy filled message came from you
You were happy, healthy, on the right track
Had children, a husband, a home, a job, all of that jazz
Yet you felt you were missing....something, someone
The way you carried yourself,
as well as talked
So much respect from one to oneself
A bit of demanding toward everyone else
But I...not yet facing the fears
Brought with me,  arrears........

 

Your past
Your life was so out of control, physical, mental hurt untold
No family, no friends
No hope, no future

And although the worse thing in most mans eye happened
You carried on, you believed in yourself, when no one else did

welcoming the bad, as well as the good, questioning existance

but not giving up your dreams, although they may change

half by religion and half by illegal substances
But you carried on

And then one day you looked at your beloved children

And remembered where the stories, dancing, and music came from

 

My past
My life was falling down around me, yet I stayed blind
Saying tomorrow would be better, and doing nothing about it today

No longer thinking about anything else but the next buzz
A miserable existance, a sick un-reality,  the demons had me,

cloaked in their wings, my stories gone, the old stories being re-told

My dancing ceased

The music was no more
         
The Comfort Zone
Watching a beautiful, colorful world fade
Running around like a mouse inside of a maze
Never knowing what to do
Trusting no one, trying on only one shoe
Fighting the battle in her head
Projecting the horrors on to the stage
Not the one you see with the eyes
But the ones you feel with your bones
Shadows glooming from the dark
Floors creeking is hugh noise
What is wrong?  Where is everything going?

         Sliver of hope
She yells STOP, somethings wrong.
Everything is getting crazy again
why, how, what is happening here really
And she sees she has stopped her dreams
her ideas, her thoughts,
for a different reason, maybe
but it's done yet again
And she also sees how she is
Making others doubt their own thoughts
By her insanity

I once again forgot the stories,

the dance, the music

She is being worn down from the reality we are forced to live in

But, thank god, this child keeps her reasoning skills

Me from this  abyss, I am constantly starring in

Is warping my mind, hence making it harder to think

For a moment, I turn blind,
and see a glimpse of truth,
and I pray I have found my true calling.

Reviews

[Dana Kathryn]

WOW This really got me and tugged at my heart strings,You write with such passion and it pours out from your soul!I can feel your pain...this made me very emotional in a good way :)

[...]

. i agree entirely with plelitte ... your journey is moving and yet so enthralling ... the way you mark your milestones is incredibly poetic and overwhelming ... the narrative is beautiful ... we all yearn for that glimpse of truth ... and it's the most rewarding of all experiences ...

[.]

it was long but a riveting read..you poured you heart into this one and it shows ..well done for writing it..I bet to was cathertic!